| My views about schedules!
Well you asked – maybe after you’ve read this you will wish you didn’t!
Some people love routine and others hate it. Just because you’ve become a mother doesn’t change your basic personality - so you are likely to either love or hate routines in the some way you did before motherhood.
People who like routines tend to wake up at the same time every day, have breakfast at the same time every day and may even eat the same thing for breakfast everyday. Then because they had breakfast at a certain time they will eat lunch at the same time every day and likewise with dinner. These sort of people like to have dinner at dinnertime and not 30 minutes earlier or 30 minutes later.
As this type of routined person becomes a mother she tends to do things in the same orderly manner – as much as her baby will let her. So she tends to give the baby a bath at the same time every day, may take the baby out for a walk at the same time everyday. And slowly as the baby grows and can fit in with the family the baby begins to like routine because this is familiar to him.
Then there are the people who hate routines, these people don’t get up at the same time everyday – unless they have to for work and then at the weekends they sleep in. They tend to follow their bodies more than their clocks to tell them when to eat. So because they have an early breakfast they have and early lunch and an early dinner, etc. These people also eat dinner at dinnertime but dinnertime is anywhere between 6:00 pm and 9:00 pm.
When this type of flexible person becomes a mother she continues in her flexible way. So rather than have a bath time she just baths the baby when she thinks about it – baby could even have two baths in one day if he really filled his nappy after the first bath and maybe no bath the next day if there wasn’t time. And slowly as the baby grows and can fit in with the family the baby begins to like the flexibility because this is familiar to him.
Then , of course, we need to think about the baby’s basic personality. One of the things I love about having children is seeing their personalities immerge. Some babies like routine and others like life more flexible.
If both you and baby are routined people then very quickly your life will become routined and you both will be happy.. If both you and baby are flexible people then very quickly life will be flexible and you both will be happy.
The problem comes when one is routined and the other is flexible. And then, just like when this happens in a marriage, it takes time and effort to learn to live together. Generally it has to be the mother, as the adult, who gives a little. So if you are a flexible mother with a routined baby you start to put in a little more routine and because the baby is happier you feel your lost of freedom is worth it. Likewise if the mother is rountined and the baby is flexible the mother becomes a little more flexible and because the baby is happier you feel that although it didn’t happen exactly as you wanted it to it was worth it.
I personally believe that all this will happen without the need to think too much about it. Just keep trying to communicate with your baby and after a while life will start to sort itself out.
One last word. The people who write the books tend to be extremely ordered/routined people (the flexible people are having far too much fun to sit down and write a book). I don’t see this as a problem. But they also have another characteristic – they think the way they do things is the CORRECT way. So if you do it differently you are WRONG.
This isn’t true. No two families are the same and there is no right way to bring up a family – just your way for your family. So to answer your question. “Would you recommend that we give more structure in terms of the timing?” Do what works in your family – you have to make the decision because only you know your family circumstances.
Best wishes,
Barb  |