| I'm a white girl married to a Chinese guy too - and my husband's parents are not as traditional - his father is VERY non-traditional... his mother is more so, but she's lived in Australia for the past 20 years so she's not traditional compared to your in-laws!! You are definitely going to have some culture differences in your situation!!
My best suggestion is to sit with your wife and work out how you two want to deal with the situation as a TEAM... You're not a white couple - you're not a Chinese couple, you're a mixed couple - and so your choices and "way of life" would probably include some elements from BOTH of your cultures... For example, you need to talk about the money thing - and AGREE on it... I know my husband likes to give money to his mother - but his father will not allow us to give him any money (they're divorced). Work out something that works for YOU GUYS... whether it be giving them a little every now and then, or giving them a monthly "stipend", or paying for their visit - whatever works for YOU... But you'll need to work through all the "differences" with your wife - from how they treat your kids, to EVERYTHING else...
You and your wife need to be a team, supporting each other and working together. You said that you can't speak Chinese and they can't speak English - so that may mean one of two things - a) your wife might need to "get firm" with them to let them know your boundaries - or b) maybe you can do it using her (or someone else) as an interpreter... but boundaries DO need to be set and it needs to be "clear" otherwise probably you and her parents will continually misunderstand each other and end up having a really bad relationship - which is not what you want when you married their daughter!! And it may be hard for your wife to talk with them, because it's not really the way that things are done in that culture at all!!
I know even with my in-laws, I still have a hard time relating to them... it's SO different to what I'm used to... but communication goes a long way... and I think it's important to WANT to have a relationship with them... THEY are a part of the person you married after all... they are your kids' grandparents - and a part of your life, whether it's easy or not!!
Hang in there and I hope it looks up for you!! You don't have to listen to anything I said if it doesn't apply for you - but that's just things that have helped me with my relationship with my in-laws!!  |