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8-mth old baby too attached to maid?

  1. #9
    tinkerbelle is offline Registered User
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    Sep 2003
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    Kowloon
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    I was brought up my maids - as were many of my friends - and you will take heart to know that none of us seem to remember our maids in the faintest. I was apparently extremely attached to my first maid but I have absolutely no recollection of her. Of course - I have very fond memories of my parents who spent heaps of time with me and my siblings!

    Don't be so hard on yourselves - isn't it hard enough just being a mom without placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves? I like a previous suggestion though - be careful your maid is not undermining you. I find that mine sometimes enjoys feeling 'indispensible'. When she feels 'indispensible' (eg. my kids want her to cuddle them, etc), she often plays up... always remember to not let your maid think you can't live without them because this will sometimes negatively effect their behaviour. I've seen many of my friends 'held to ransom' by their maids especially because they have full-time jobs.

    PS: It's interesting that all the babies mentioned are under 1 year old. I've got older kids and you will find that when they are toddlers they will do really good jobs of ignoring you when you get home. Don't take it to heart - I see my toddler get very excited at the prospect of Daddy returning home but once Dad enters the house, he runs away and acts as if Dad doesn't exist! Luckily my husband doesn't get offended (although I know I would if it was me!).
    Last edited by tinkerbelle; 02-08-2004 at 08:25 PM.

  2. #10
    HKFooey is offline Banned
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    Aug 2003
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    Stanley, Hong Kong
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    51
    Are any of your working mothers inetersted in a playgroup on Saturday? I am trying to set one up as I work full time and my 4 mth old sonis missing out

  3. #11
    Miggy is offline Registered User
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    Hi, I have a 3month old son. Might be interested. Where will the playgroup be and what time?

  4. #12
    HKFooey is offline Banned
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    Aug 2003
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    Miggy

    There are some other mums interested as well - see my playgroup on Saturday post

    The idea would be to use a different home each week or so.

    The time would depend on those interested

    I am happy to start at my place which is Stanley

  5. #13
    binbin is offline Registered User
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    Sep 2006
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    Singapore
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    My 6-mth old girl crys when I tried to put her to sleep, she will continue to cry out loud and stop once my maid carry her. This makes me frustrated. As I have a 3-yr old girl who sleep with me & is very much attached to me, I find myself incapable to spend much time with the younger one. She is taken care of by my maid as I am full time working. Everytime I have only a max of 3 hrs to spend with both of them. Everybody tells me that this phase will pass, she will come to accept me. However, I feel down whenever she crys when I carry her. As such, I vent my anger on the maid. I know it is wrong, but I just can't control.

  6. #14
    Vivian is offline Registered User
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    Nov 2004
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    Ma On Shan, Sha Tin, Hong Kong
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    34
    Dear Bin Bin

    I'm a working mother. I experienced same when my daughter was youger. She's four now. when she was two, every time she was sick or she was unhappy, she said she did not wnant me, did not want my husband, only wanted the helper. i felt crazy then and could not do anything to change. My helper and my daughter shared the same room. A month ago, my daughter began to sleep on a bed beside me. She seems not so attached to the helper. When she cries, she wants me. I have a 11-month son also. I breastfed him until one month ago. During the breastfeeding period, he was totally attached to me. Since weaning, he has appeared more and more fond of the helper. Every day i try to bath him after work, and bring him to sleep by myself. And this works, many times, he crawls to me, not only the helper.

  7. #15
    winnie is offline Registered User
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    Jan 2004
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    Hong Kong
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    7
    Dear Bin Bin

    If it helps to know, I followed Aldougie's suggestions plus added my own, which were:

    a) I asked my helper not to go to my son's room first thing in the morning, i.e. my husband and I are the first people my son saw when he woke up
    b) I fed my son his first milk of the day (by this time I was no longer breastfeeding)
    c) I then spent a little time with him playing before I get ready for work. At that point, my helper took over
    d) When I got home from work, I took over from my helper. She would go to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
    e) I gave my son his last feed of the day, then read him a book or sing a lullaby and put him to bed. We then have dinner (later on, as his bedtime got pushed back more and more, we would have dinner whilst he watched something "safe" on TV)
    f) On weekends, my helper had no contact with my son unless necessary (e.g. when we were both dead tired and needed an afternoon snooze!)

    It was very tiring because I was effectively doing two full time jobs - so my "work" day would start at 7am till 9pm, but I am happy to say that after about 2-3 months, my baby knew who his mum and dad were, especially his mum! Now looking back (my son is 3!) I was over-reacting, my son would have figured out on his own who mum and dad were, but then again, I have also heard "horror" stories from others; e.g. about how one 2.5 year old insisted that the helper helped her dress in the morning and not mummy, or the 3 year old who insisted the helper took him to pre-school and not mummy......

    Good luck!

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