[momo]

My husband and I constantly have different ideas, attitudes with regard our son's upbringing. He thinks I am over protective and I think he is too hard and sometimes verging on irresponsible with our son. This leads to constant conflict. For example he would let our 2 year old play with the water in the fish tank in the supermarket and then asked him to lick his finger to taste whether the water is salty or not. I think it is unhygenic, to say the least but he thinks it is a good experience for our son. Another problem is that once I decided to ask him to look after our son I am not allowed to give any suggestions or advice as to what he should do. Do any of you have conflicting ideas with your spouse on issue of everyday upbringing of your child ?

[UbeJam]

I've given up arguing with my wife on how to micromanage our daughter a long time ago...quite impressive for an OC (Obessesive-Compusive) person like me...

Cheers!

[Bzee]

Momo,

Reading your lament was like seeing my current life mirrored. My husband and I experience exactly the same situation with our one-year old son. He feels I’m too high-strung and overly protective and I think he can be too carefree about things. You know, I’ve come to conclusion that there are a myriad of other moms out there who are singing the same song as us. At first, I thought that it was just the nature of a mother to be more concerned and detailed oriented, but sometimes I’m thinking that it could also be a cultural difference too.

My husband is European and has a much more laissez-faire attitude and that’s the way he was raised—skiing at two years old, swimming in the lakes as a baby, etc. Whereas I’m Canadian-Chinese and had a more protective Chinese upbringing. No rough sports for fear of injuries, nothing too dirty for fear of germs, etc. Luckily I grew up in Canada so my outlook is already completely western or we’d have even more emphatic conflicts.

It was really bad in the beginning, to the point where when my husband was doing something for the baby and saw me coming towards him, he’d hold up his hand and say “Let me do it my way” before I even spoke a word.

Unfortunately, I don’t know what to say or do about this eternal and perpetual issue of differing parenting attitudes and styles. Things have gotten a bit better as our son has grown older and is more “durable” and stronger. Not to be cliché, but good communication is really essential too. For example, explaining our points of view and why we favor it. Hope this helps a bit.

[momo]

Bzee, my husband uses the exact phrase as your husband "Let me do it my way" but he also adds another phrase "and you do it your way". I believe the fact that my husband is European and me being Chinese is a major factor. I do find that the Caucasians to be more "carefree" with their attitudes whereas Chinese (especially mothers) are generally more protective and careful. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. I was on the verge of thinking my marriage requires counselling.

[Joyce]

my husband and I are both UK chinese and we have disagreements on how to care for our 10 month old daughter. He's an only child whereas I'm one of three. Perhaps this might account for some of our differences.......

[val23]

My husband is a HKG Chinese and I am an overseas Chinese. We constantly have different views just about everything regarding how to care for our baby. He always put such thick blanket on him thinking that our son would get a cold. I have explained to him a million times that you don't get a cold from the wind or from bathing in a room temperature water. After weeks of going back and forth, I've decided to do my way when he's at work. That way we wont have much arguements as he thinks we we do things his way. This might not be very honest but a little white lie like this wont hurt and we're all so much happier.

[svasbt]

I'm sure the Mother vs Father issue exists everywhere, regardless of your backgrounds. It's a Man vs Woman thing...

I believe communication is the key word. My husband and I normally create a scenario and discuss how we should handle the situation. When it actually happens, we stick to our decision. So far, it helps...

[Grace Bellis]

whenever I have disagreements with my husband for handling our daughter, I'd try to remind myself that he's doing it out of his best intention to the little one. It'd usually help calm me down...except when incidents like he knocked her head while lifting her up high:-(