[PreggerC]

Hi. I am new to HK and have only asked our helper to clean, cook, do laundry, and pick up after us. i can tell that she is a bit upset that i do not ask her to help w/ baby stuff, (db is 4.5mo). she's mostly pleasant, but i do not appreciate the attitude sometimes (like tonight - i called her to get ready for my baby's bath befeore I came home and I came back and realized that she did not get everything ready, and it was clear that she was sleeping before i came home - sleeping is fine w/ me b/c she gets up at 530am and works until maybe 9 or 10am and I asked her to rest d/r the day - but i just did not appreciate the attitude sometime. (i am always polite even if i am crossed). anyway. so, i just cannot trust my child in her hands if she gives me attitude already. i am also not willing to confront her in terms of attitude b/c it is indeed very subtle. what do i do? do i just live with it and depend on her only for chores (she does a good job btw) and forget about asking her to help with my baby?

[jane01]

If you are not 100% comfortable leaving your baby with your helper, don't. Trust your mothers instincts and protect your baby. If that were the case, I would immediately terminate your helper.

It sounds like you do trust her, but just aren't comfortable leaving your baby yet. That is very understandable when your baby is only 4 months old. If there is no immediate need to leave your baby with someone, don't. Gradually you might duck out for half an hour whilst baby is asleep, then, say, an hour to a drs appointment, etc etc. Build it up greatly. Mummy separation anxiety is a much under-rated problem.

My helper had been with us for 2 years before my daughter was born, so we already had a trusting relationship. Also, my helper has 3 grown children of her own and certainly knew what she was doing (moreso than me!). However, when my baby came along I hated leaving her with the helper and hated having the helper do things for her. Even now (she is 2.5) it is a rule in our house that when I'm home, I'm the mummy and I do things for my daughter. Even things that traditionally helpers might have done like changing nappies and dressing her, if I'm home, I do them.

This is totally none of my business and feel free to ignore me, but your helpers working hours sound too long. Have you ever consistently worked those long hours? Your helper must be so tired, even if she is having a bit of a rest during the day. If I was that tired, I would probably be less than polite as well ! She is only human. Also, I wouldn't want someone working those sort of hours looking after my baby. I'd want someone fresh and energetic.

Perhaps consider her starting later or finishing earlier every day? How about some extra days off during the week?

[HKfornow]

PreggerC, I do not believe you have to justify to your helper or anyone else, if you are not ready to let her take care of YOUR baby. As for the attitude, I had a similar situation, and choose not to let it fester and confronted my helper (who of course denies that she has an attitude), but I brought it out in the open that I do not care for that type of behavior, pots banging ,etc, if she has a problem with my request, she is free to look for another employer. She choose not to quit.