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Baby and Domestic Helper

  1. #9
    ELT
    ELT is offline Registered User
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    Hi all

    My hubby is Chinese grew up in Philippines so we are fortunate that we know a bit more about the DH's mindsets than most employers. It is true that a lot of DH want to use HK as a stepping stone to western countries. Some work here to find a husband. Somehow Filippinos love everything American and they would take Canada and any other English speaking countries as their second best option. My brother hired a DH who confessed that she worked for him only because she needed the experience to make a nice CV so she could increase chances of getting a job in Australia.

    Having said that, there are many others who simply want to make more money so they can support their families and parents. Despite the few bad apples, there are many loyal, caring and hard working Filipino DH who enjoy taking care of children. You just need to be careful in the selection process -- referencing checking is a must, and try to talk to the prospect DH yourself, rather than relying on the agent to chose for you.

    I personally find DH who never worked outside Philippines more innocent and easy-going. But if you do hire one who is first time away from home, you will have to pay attention to her emotions and needs. She'll feel it and appreciate you, and in turn give it back by being good to your baby. If you could, hire direct so the DH don't have to pay a ridiculously high fee -- she'll be forever thankful to you.

  2. #10
    ELT
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    re baby cry when mommy hold issue... when I shifted from breastfeed to bottle, there was a short period of time (a couple weeks) when my little one would struggle and cry whenever I held him. I figured it was because he could smell my milk but very frustrated when he couldn't have it. After around 2 weeks when he got the message that his milk was from bottle not mommy, the condition improved and he let me held him.

  3. #11
    kashismum is offline Registered User
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    I may have interpreted this wrong, but...I always find that my helper is more successful at putting my daughter to sleep than me. After that, my husband comes close. Ever since I stopped nursing her to sleep, I have asked someone else to put her down as she cries and cries if I do it. I told myself that she was more attached to me and didn't want to let go, or would want to nurse.
    At other times, my LO does sometimes express a preference for the helper, but it is the exception rather than the norm. I try not to let it bother me.
    I've also noticed that our helper keeps a certain distance in that she won't hug or **** my daugther - at least not in my presence. I think that's a good distinction to keep.

  4. #12
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    personally, i think the more hugs and ****es the better, so long as there's nothing inappropriate.

    my biggest fear was always that my children would prefer my helper to me.there have been the odd ocassions that my son has run to my helper instead of me, but they are few and far between.

    when i expressed concern to my mother, her reply was, "isn't he lucky that he has so many people that love him and care for him? aren't you lucky to know that he is in good, loving hands when you are not around?"

    my current pregnancy has been so awful, that i honestly don't know how we could have coped without our helper. she has been a godsend. having been in and out of hospital 7 times now, it is so comforting to know that my son is at home with someone he feels he can count on, and someone i KNOW I CAN count on.

    try to look at it as the cup is half full, rather than half empty. your children will know who their parents are. and when it comes down to the crunch they will want you and no one else.

  5. #13
    bekyboo44 is offline Registered User
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    There is a reason why many DH would prefer to work in Canada, the States etc.

    My family's helper has recently found a new job in Canada, something my Mum encouraged and helped her with (with only my Mum at home she has no need for a full time helper anymore).

    Her salary in Canada will be HK$11,000 a month- more than triple the minimum wage in Hong Kong, and under Canadian law she can only be employed to look after her employer's children, she is not allowed to work as a 'domestic helper.' DH in Canada thus earn much more and are not expected to run entire households, as they often are here. Not only that but after x number of yrs of working in Canada our DH will be entitled to similar rights as Canadian citizens and then will be able to send her daughter to a Canadian university and pay residents tuition fees rather than overseas fees.

    DH may be so desperate to work in western countries, because western governments ensure that they are paid a fair wage for the work they do (unlike the hong kong govt.) and ensures that they are protected with regards to the exact work they can do.

  6. #14
    ELT
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    Bekyboo44's right about the wages and work condition in western countries. I think another reason why DH like the west is because they can bring the whole family there once they earn their permanent residence status. Filippinos are desperate to get out of their country. They see the west as 'better future' for their family and next generation.

    The ones who intend to return to Philippines eventually prefers HK because HK employers are generally less abusive (both verbal and physical) though there are isolated cases of moms hurting DH with irons (my friends in Malaysia told me these type of incidents happen all the time in Singapore!). And because HK families are usually small with tiny flats (not house) and cars (unlike in Singapore/Malaysia where a family would have 2 or 3, even 4 cars), the workload is much lower comparing to some other asian countries. And when it comes to wages, I believe HK is paying the most too!

  7. #15
    loupou is offline Baby Guru
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    re: baby crying & mama-helper issues.

    Because I was worried about my babies becoming over-attached to the helper and not being able to be soothed by me at night, I took care of the baby at night, even when I went back to work at the end of maternity leave.

    The exception was on Friday nights after I was no longer giving her breast feeds in the wee hours. That became my special night to sleep well & sleep-in in the mornings.

    That said, there were some times w/ bb no.2 (who was rather fussy) that I would be up w/ him from 2am to 4:30am & then knock on my helper's door and say "please take the baby while I catch 2 more hours before work".

    One of the reasons I was concerned about this was a friend of mine had an older brother who was mostly looked after by a nanny from the time he was born until he was about 2 years old. Then he got very sick & his mama had to take him to a different country for treatment. She could not soothe him & comfort him and put him to sleep well, because he was not used to her ding it and because he was *so* attached to the nanny.

    I was afraid that my kids would wake up crying in the night & not call for me, but call for the helper.

    But, it was really hard work and very exhausting (work & baby care at night) for a few years.

    But, now that the kids are older ( eight and ten) I am so glad that I did. I think it was really worth it.

  8. #16
    funnychamp is offline Registered User
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    I understand how frustasing sometimes, we just don't have many choice as we have to go to work and leave the baby with the helper..

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