[icecube]

My baby is 3 months old and she is getting so attached to the helper that she won't let other people hold her when she feels sleepy. As a Mom, I feel very bad. I am full time at home to take care of her. But she is still attached to the helper. Does anyone has the same experience? I am going back to work next week. I m afraid this is going to get worse. When will she tell who is her mother?

[joannek]

same for me. luckily my baby is already 15 mths now. for the 1st 4 mths, she would scream when i carry her, even though she was exclusively breastfed. it was so sad. my husband said i was very tense everytime i carried her, so maybe she sensed it. i had a lot of breast problems for the 1st few mths. eventually my breast problems were solved, i was less tense, and she let me carry her. but still she only wants helper when she sleeps. but after the 5th mth, she gradually were closer to me. by the time she was older than 6 mths, she definitely knew who's her mom & dad. when my baby was 5 mths old, nanny had family problems & went home for 10 days, it took baby 3 days to get used to me putting her to sleep.

your baby must be a very sensitive person.

well, i gotta go now, i'll write later & suggest sth for u 2 do.

[joannek]

after that 10 days, baby was obviously closer to me, but she still prefers to let helper to put her to sleep. as i spend more time playing w/ her, she shows more affection towards me. but the down side is- even as i turned my back, she'd start screaming. so i had to tell her i was just going potty (etc) and will be back very soon (& i always keep my promise). i am a stay home mom & it obviously helps. as for my husband, he has to work, and the more time he spends w/ her before & after work, the closer she is to him. for several days he was late coming back & didn't spend much time playing w/ her, in the morning, she wouldn't hug him.

so what i'm trying to say is, i had the same problem when baby was small, and i was upset & worried & depressed. as she grows older, she show obvious signs that she knows i'm mom. she has a bond w/ me that is different than w/ nanny, although she shows much affection towards her too. if u spend quality time w/ her, one on one time during the weekends, before/ after work, i'm sure you baby''ll be close to u too. it's just that she doesn't want u to put her to sleep. but think of it this way, u'd be able to able to go out when you NEED to & not worry that u have to spend hours putting her to sleep. i still make sure that i'm home EVERYDAY during her nightime routine - bath, milk, & a little bedtime mellow play. but i'd be able to leave when she's ready to sleep & not worry that I'll be so late for my dinners. I know a lot of moms who has your problem, but they all told me that in the end, baby knows who mom is.

and remember, you are her mom for life, nanny is only gonna be there for severals years. you have a love for her that no one else has (maybe except dad, but i think moms love their children differently than dads. sorry, dads!) and she can feel it.

[joannek]

one more thing, i read this book "what's going on in there? baby's first 5 yrs". author said that baby has been in mom's tummy for 9 mths, she recognises mom's smell, esp. underarm & neck odor. that's how they tell their moms apart from other women before their eye-sight is good. yeah, your baby knows for sure that you are the mother. just that maybe helper carries her more comfortably, cos she's not as anxious as you are.

[icecube]

Thanx joannek. I feel better after reading your reply. I have to spend as much quality time as possible with her before work next week. hopefully, she still remembers Mommy.

[hkaussie]

This must be really hard. It's one of the reasons I'm glad we don't have a helper and I can be at home full time. It is a blessing to be able to do that and I know not everyone can.

Although it's difficult now, your baby will definitely know who Mommy is as she gets older and you will be the light of her life!! Nobody can replace Mommy!

HKAussie

[ChipMama]

Hi,

I have a strange story to tell about the nanny and the baby relationship. Please bear in mind that this doesn't happen to everyone at all.

I had similar situation as icecube and people told me that it was a blessing since my baby was happy and safe with the nanny. So I was relieved in knowing that. However, one day, a neighbor had called me and told me what she heard from her nanny. My nanny told her nanny that she wanted to move to Canada with us in 6 years. So she was using every means to proof to me and my hubby that my baby needed her without a doubt. I had asked to speak to the nanny of my neighbor. And it was true!
So one night, I was talking casually with my nanny (trying to grill the words from her or just to verify the conversation) to see what her plan was after the 2 years contract with us. Then she was spilling her guts in telling me of how much she loved working for us and how much she wanted to go wherever we wanted to go. Then I told her that we wouldn't be leaving at all now since my hubby had a change of plan. Suddenly, her face just shut down and she was speechless.
After that night of talk, she was in no mind of working for us anymore. And I noticed that my daughter was pulling away from her but didn't know why. She didn't jump the first instance the baby cried. Then after her 1 year of contract, she told me that she would want to go back to Philippines to attend to her parents. We gave her the opportunities and she never returned to us at all (even though she promised that she would come back.) We later saw her in Central on Sunday but I guess she is now working for another employer with the possibilities of moving oversea.

ChipMama

[imuran]

Actually I was planning to get a DH soon since I was exhausted from taking care of my baby. I was a working mum and I put my LO at my mom's house during day time.

Now, I need to think twice after hearing ChipMama's story.