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To Full Time Working Mums - need advice pls!!

  1. #9
    sarad is offline Registered User
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    May 2006
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    I am a stay at home mom of many (6) and I have just hired a helper who is now in the phillipines getting her visa approved. While I was in the process of filing paperwork etc I met her sisterinlaw who i have actually goten to be friends with. She would make a wonderful helper to someone who wants someone to love their baby. She has an employer right now but is being employed mainly as a housekeeper and her heart is really in childcare. So if you 're(or anyone else is) interested in her pm or call me. She would have to go back to the phil. for 4 weeks to process her visa but she would be worth the wait. 9225-1661

  2. #10
    niutalent is offline Registered User
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    I am also going thru the same thing. I just returned to full-time work 2 weeks ago and finding it to be an adjustment. I took an extra 12 weeks of unpaid leave as there was no way that I could have gone back to work after only 10 weeks of mat leave. I have about an hour with my baby every morning and evening - I rush home from work every evening as my baby goes to bed at 7 p.m. - and spend every moment I can with her on the weekends. However, I'm wondering - is this enough? We'll see how it goes. Always a hard thing to balance the extra income/career vs spending time with your baby and seeing her grow.

    Will these issues ever be resolved? Probably not. But I did read a great article recently by Po Bronson (I think it was on Time.com) that stated that a poll showed that the amount of quality time a stay-at-home mom vs a working mom spent with their children only differed by 45 min or so! So, us working moms should not beat ourselves up - as long as the time that we spend with our kids are as the other writers have stated - loving and attention-filled, it should not matter

  3. #11
    kellyst is offline Registered User
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    thanks for the recommendation. i read the article, i thought it's really good that i'd like to share
    http://www.time.com/time/nation/arti...193793,00.html

    i still struggle with this every single day... but just a nice read when we working moms need that constant reminder that 'it's okay'

  4. #12
    Miggy is offline Registered User
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    Hi, I am a full-time working mother of a 2.6 year-old boy. My job requires extensive traveling having the international market as my responsibility. Six months after giving birth, I've had to continue traveling (up to this day). So most of the time, aside from my husband, my helper would take care of him. I too had problems with my son being close to the helper but I had to dismiss that feeling because my helper was doing a good job taking care of him. Those times when I didn't travel, I had to teach both my son and train the helper even more. I made sure that the upbringing of my son takes after mine --- not my helper's upbringing. I'm not saying hers is not good though. Now that my son is 2.6 years old, he knows who his mommy is and who the helper is. He treats the helper as "family" but very well knows who his parents are. When I arrive home, it's Mommy, not helper. I guess you just have to trust your helper and treat her like family so she gives her best as well. Get someone from the Philippines because they are good-natured and speak good English.
    Last edited by Miggy; 06-20-2006 at 12:03 PM.

  5. #13
    Sumei is offline Registered User
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    hi there,

    sorry to be the devil's advocate, but if you believe the choice you've made is a good one (to work)in your situation, why do you need constant reassurrence from an external source that you've made the right decision? (btw. one should be weary of relying too heavily on unscientific articles, that is opinion based articles, quoting unsubstanciated statistics with no proper reference to source)

    I really don't think there is a "right" decision, it depends on what you and your hubby believe is in the best interest of the family - each decision comes with it's pros and cons, there isn't, or shouldn't be, a "war" as the article suggests!!!!!!!!

  6. #14
    Joyce Chan is offline Registered User
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    To all working moms,

    I would like to share with you my dilema. My baby is 15 months old. I went straight back to work after the 10 wks' maternity leave. Since then, my life has been centered upon my daughter, everyday after work, I would try to spend as much time with her as possible, reading books with her, feeding her, playing with her etc. She has always been very close to me, as I am, to her. When I come home, she will run to me, away from the helper.

    For the past two days, I have noticed that my baby has grown really close to my helper. My baby started to call my helper "MAMA", my helper did not correct her, neither did I (for I haven't yet figured out how or whether I should react to that) . She would not let me hold her and kept crying until she was attended to by my helper. I was devasted and broke down in tears.

    I am now second guessing whether I am making the right decision of remianing to be a working mom. I thought I have managed to juggle between work and family pretty well , and it was for the long term interest of the family that I continue to maintain a career so that she may be well provided for. But seeimgly I could be wrong. Can others please advise me whether this is just a phase that many working moms have gone through. My hubby comforted me and said babies are very primitive, whoever takes care of that baby is a motherly figure to him/her, it does not mean she prefers one "mom" over another, in time, she will know that there is only one mom, and that is me.

  7. #15
    Miggy is offline Registered User
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    Hi Joyce,

    In my experience, this is just a phase. I too felt the same way when my son was your child's age. Both my helper and I would correct my son when he would call my helper "Mommy". He would also be comfortable only when the helper picks him up. Sometimes he would call for the helper even when I'm around. That really crushed me. Then I realized that it wasn't that bad at all because now at 2 and a half years, my son clearly disinguishes his mom from the helper.

    Just make sure that you spend quality time with your child as soon as you're home. Also, make sure that the helper corrects your child whenever he makes this mistake.

  8. #16
    Linda&Hanley is offline Registered User
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    HK Island
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    To be a working mum or a stay-at-home mum could be a big dilemma to many, but it will be a relatively easy decision to make if you believe:

    - the early years is the most critical period of the child's life, in the sense that he/she is extremely receptive to input, and thus the main caretaker has a crucially influential role to play in facilitating his/her language and cognitive development, as well as shaping his/her personality and behaviour;

    - this window to developing the amazingly huge potential of the child opens only for a limited period of time: once it is closed the situation is irreversible!

    - your career can wait (but the child can't) or new opportunities could arise when time is ripe (perhaps when the child starts full-day schooling);

    And of course the basic assumption is that finance is not a problem and the husband supports the decision.

    Linda

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