Forums  •  Classifieds  •  Events  •  Directory

 
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

To Full Time Working Mums - need advice pls!!

  1. #1
    terry is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    36

    To Full Time Working Mums - need advice pls!!

    I am considering going back to work shortly, full time and more often than not away out of town. My husband too works full time, often away for 1-2 nights a couple of times a month. I would love to hear from those mum's that also work full time, plus perhaps go away for business and how they handle it with a baby?? I have an 8 month old and still have to find a helper - any advice please!! How do you handle the guilt? What do you ask of your helper, aside from the obvious - look after my precious child please!
    Any advice on what to look for when hiring our helper - (am getting the Julie Jacobson (sp?) book for help too), what to ask her, what to expect?
    Does your child go to your helper more than you when you are home? Sorry these may sound like silly questions but it's eating away at me....

    Any advice/help would be most appreciated, Thanks.

  2. #2
    kellyst is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    377
    Hi Terry, full-time mom here and boy, the ups and downs i have. sat morning, just 10 minutes ago, she just won't be put down by me for her nap, coz the helper usually does it in the morning. as much as i understand that this is routine for her, i was close to tears. i put her down at night every night, so she's ok around those times.
    sometimes we're perfectly ok, i try to spending every minute i'm home with her, doing things that the helper usually does when i'm away, feeding, bathing. but it gets tougher as she gets older. she knows when she wants to be with whom.
    i think for me, it's less of guilt but more of a 'want', i'd like to be closer to my child, i want to be the first person she runs to, and it's just very difficult to ask for that when i'm away for 10 hours everyday. i'm ok sometimes if i don't think about it too much and just try to treasure the time i spent with her. hubby always say it's the quality not the quantity of time, but that just doesn't cut it for me sometimes.
    about travel, i don't do it THAT much, but i'm up for a first week long work trip away in two weeks, so i still need to see how that goes. there will be some adjusting, i think much more on my part than the baby's.
    for helper advice - i have one that i'm very happy with, who's very willing to play with her, she did not have experience with kids before, (we had one who has but was fired, another long story) but this one really turns out ok, i want my child to able to laugh with the helper. it's also a very personal connection thing, i got crazy jealous of my previous helper, but not with this one. so i think you have to connect that way as well.
    i'm sorry this is way too long, but we had a working mom group that meets up on weekends sometimes. i'd love to share thoughts, coz i think this working full-time thing will only get harder as she gets older.

  3. #3
    kellyst is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    377
    terry, sent you pm as well.

  4. #4
    terry is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    36
    kellyst, just PM'd you too, thanks.

  5. #5
    zita sacay is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Shenzhen, China
    Posts
    3

    Flexibility

    Dear Terry, If yuo love your family you have to be flexible on your life.Work if you have to coz its an extra income for the family & erase the guilt feeling u have.LOVE is all there should be in your heart.U need a full time baby sitter & tell her to treat ur kid as a family but always to remind the child that u love her & will always be coming home quickly for her.Tell ur helper to always tell stories about you & your LOVE for your child.I hope this will lessen your guilt feeling. ZITA

  6. #6
    Arwen is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Tai Hang
    Posts
    84
    Hi Terry,

    I am in Kellyst's working mother group but recently have quitted my job to be a full time mum to my one year old.

    Like what Zita says, the extra income from working is indeed attractive and also can keep you connected to the society, reasons why I had stayed on with my job till 2 months ago..

    But I was constantly tired cos I rushed back from work everyday to bathe her, feed her and put her to bed...We tried to bring her out on weekends but most of the time this is an uphill task cos hubby and myself will be so tired to do anything except to play with her at home.

    Baby is already lacking a father figure cos hubby travels 3-4 times a month with duration of 2-10 days each stretch. He goes to work before she wakes up and reaches home after she sleeps.

    I feel that since she is not seeing much of the father, then I, being the mother will just have to do extra... but my hands are tied if I continue working full time.

    Hence the decision to stay at home to be with her

    Hope to be able to meet up with you soon together with Kellyst [and our babes.

    arwen

  7. #7
    loupou is offline Baby Guru
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    New Territories
    Posts
    451
    Hi,

    I've worked full-time outside the house except during my 10 week maternity leaves. However, my work situation sounds different from yours. I have regular hours, usually not more than 8.5 hours per day, and the work is not very high pressure.

    Weare also lucky that both my husband and I usually have 5-day work weeks.

    The way I handle it....

    I try to give good and loving attention to my kids, even when I am tired. I have had reliable helpers. My husband fills in for me when I can't do some things, as I do for him.

    re: helper

    Hire someone who has good common sense and good education. Either a woman who has had some college, or a very bright high school graduate, who is interested in reading.

    Our first helper had been a primary school teacher in the Philippines for many years and her own children were in their teens and early twenties when she started with us.

    Our second had only finished high school, but loved to read and was interested in learning more about child development and reading recipe books and trying new things.

    Have good communication and VERY clear expectations. For example, some people think a good way to discipline a child is to say "If you don't listen I'll have the policeman arrest you" or something along those lines. I am very much against that, and told my helpers that this is something that was unacceptable. I told them never to threaten anything they couldn't or wouldn't do; but also if they make a threat or condition "we will not play outside until you have tidied your blocks away" then Do it.

    For babies, this is less of an issue, but if your baby is 8 months now, by the end of your helper's first contract he or she will be almost three.

    Remember that your helper is the helper. You and your husband are the PARENTS. Even when I was often tired from my day's work, I would give the kids their bath and read them their stories and put them to bed. On many mornings I would make them their breakfast (toast & soy milk - very easy).

    When they were small babies, I would sleep with them or my husband would. The excption was Friday nights when we would have the helper look after them if they cried in their sleep or woke up early, so we could have 1 good nights rest per week.

    When they cried in the night, I would go to them, even if I had to get up the next morning and go to work. When they were sick, I took them to the doctor (found one who had hours in the evening).

    Of course when a child gets older, he or she will try to play you and the helper off each other. Do not take it to heart - children will do the same thing if their granny or an auntie lives with you.

    Sometimes my husband used to complain about all the work we did w/ the kids. Why not have the helper feed them dinner, wash them, and put them to bed and let us rest in the evening? I felt very strongly (and still do) that if we were there, we should look after the kids.

    The gratification is often small and slow. But now that my kids are in primary school and bathe themselves and often go to bed reading their own books after a **** and cuddle from mama and baba, I think it was worth it. The closeness we cultivated when they were babies and toddlers remains.



    Quote Originally Posted by terry
    I am considering going back to work shortly, full time and more often than not away out of town. My husband too works full time, often away for 1-2 nights a couple of times a month. I would love to hear from those mum's that also work full time, plus perhaps go away for business and how they handle it with a baby?? I have an 8 month old and still have to find a helper - any advice please!! How do you handle the guilt? What do you ask of your helper, aside from the obvious - look after my precious child please!
    Any advice on what to look for when hiring our helper - (am getting the Julie Jacobson (sp?) book for help too), what to ask her, what to expect?
    Does your child go to your helper more than you when you are home? Sorry these may sound like silly questions but it's eating away at me....

    Any advice/help would be most appreciated, Thanks.

  8. #8
    Sumei is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Hong Kong
    Posts
    143
    hi Terry,

    I am a full time mum of a 17 month old toddler with a full time helper, before my son came along, I was climbing the ladder fast in investment banking. It all sounds hugely confusing the choices we have to make in life but to hopefully this will make the decision easier for you (even if you do manage to hire an excellent/responsible/reliable helper who loves your child) - we can't have it ALL , as my mum use to say, you cant have your cake and eat it too - ie. have a fast track fulfilling career (and the money that comes with it), have a wonderful supportive marriage AND be the best mum that we can be, despite what equal opportunity feminists will tell you....not because we don't have the good intention to be, but because it's just not humanly physically possible....so you have to make the choice (dont' get me wrong, there are households out there that do need dual incomes to survive, but I am not talking about those situations).....all choices come with it's pros and cons, there is no win-win situation, just hopefully a decision that supports what you and your husband principly believe in as a couple/family.

    For my husband and I, we made the decision that our offsprings were too precious to be brought up by a stranger, no matter how much we trust her or how well trained she was and given my strong maternal instincts, I made the choice to be a stay at home mum and I have NO regrets, no matter how bad some of the days/weeks can be....even though this means I can never go back to a career in investment banking, or afford some of the "nicer" things that my dual incomes friends can have (new cars every 3 years, posh large apt, more club memberships, weekly shopping sprees), am physically exhausted ALL the time and have no down time......I can say however, I know every new development my son has on an hourly basis (they really grow before your very eyes), what he does when he's angry/sad/being a brat/happy, it would break my heart to have to hear it from a stranger at the end of the day, or have him call our for our helper instead of me when he's upset.....

    good luck with your decision, it isn't an easy one.....

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Advice from Working Mums
    By mel_g20 in forum Parenting - Toddlers and Preschoolers
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 12-09-2011, 10:21 AM
  2. Part time vs full time helper
    By Frenchy in forum Helper Forums
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 03-24-2009, 01:35 PM
  3. helpers/nannies - full time working parents
    By ania8888 in forum Helper Forums
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 06-04-2008, 03:23 PM
  4. Anyone need a part-time/full time baby sitter?
    By kakamummy in forum Helper Forums
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 03-31-2008, 11:10 AM
  5. Workload for full-time and part-time helpers
    By ACP in forum Everything Else
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-18-2005, 04:20 PM

Tags for this Thread

Scroll to top