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I've sent my maid away because of my in-law.

  1. #9
    yunyun is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Hong Kong

    My hubby and his sister (sister-in-law) both stand in all this because they really know their mother really has some problem about her social circle after the death of my father-in-law.
    But the thing is, we've already tried our best to fulfill her requirements but she is not appreciate about it.

    She said if we send the maid back to our place, she rather left and lives in her old house in mainland.

    How stubborn she is.

  2. #10
    AC/BC is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Hong Kong

    Life is all about choices. If I were you I would choose to bring back the maid - if she'll come back. Then I'd lay down the law for my MIL as regards living in MY house. And then if she chose to leave and live somewhere else then that is also her choice. Sounds tough, but as someone said already you should not be dictated to in your own house.

  3. #11
    fly is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2005

    Yun yun,
    I am not sure what you mean they "both stand in all this", but whatever you do, I would suggest you get the concensus of your Sister-in-law and hubby, so you can at least try to present a united front in this situation. I think your MIL is playing the guilt card (not uncommon) so you guys should call her bluff. If she will be happier in her home in the mainland, and you will be happier with the maid, what is wrong with that?

  4. #12
    joannek is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Hong Kong

    :bighug i sympathize with you, yun yun. but i agree with fly. sounds tough, but this maid has been with you for soooooo long. and if you hire a new one, this is gonna start all over again. unless you can live without a helper, this one who's been with you for soooo long is your best bet. at least, there's no doubt of her integrity & your hubby & your sis-in-law will trust this helper too. if you get a new one, there's so many uncertainty the situation will get worse.

    best of luck!!

  5. #13
    loraine is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Mid levels

    Its sounds like a situation where it 's impossible to please everyone, so you will need to consider everyone's needs and feelings in making a decision. This includes the needs of your baby - how is you mother-in-law coping with a baby and the household chores? Would your child be better off with your long-serving and trusted helper? Trust is so important with childcare.

  6. #14
    HKfornow is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2004

    Yunyun, my kneejerk reaction to your post is. . why send away the maid, send away the ingrate MIL! That's what I would like to do in an ideal world, however, this doesn't help you as you are in the proverbial rock and a hard place. My sympathies.

    It is tough to be a daughter-in-law of an opinionated lady, but tougher to be the son who is caught in between a mom & a wife. So on top of everything, you need to try to keep your cool. (this is definitely not easy & eating shards of broken glass is easier to swallow).

    I doubt if your MIL will back down from her stance, therefore, hiring back the old mail would not solve your problems, however, if you are willing to hire a new maid, perhaps have your hubby talk to his mom and tell her that this new maid will be beneficial in helping her out so she won't feel that you've" pushed all the works for her to do"). She will realize this is a face saving solution for her (in effect you are not perceived to have chosen the old maid over her, and she has the chance to "supervise" a new one). I hope it all works out for you.

  7. #15
    somebodyfamous's Avatar
    somebodyfamous is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Hong Kong


    Oh Yun Yun what a terrible predicament. It sounds like your MIL is a little out of control and maybe emotionally unbalanced since the loss of your FIL. Are you comfortable with her looking after your son?

    Does she have friends her own age? Can you appeal to them to explain to her? It sounds like HKforNow suggestion may be the best alternative for you all.

  8. #16
    mlgs is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2006

    If you can afford it, I suggest to get a small one bedroom flat close by for your MIL. That has worked wonders for us.

    MILs usually have the hangup of being the perfect woman of the house , the master of her domain, for as long as our hubands have been living. It is very hard for them to have to live with someone else under their rules. If they have their own place, then they feel like they are in control of their lives - they can have their own food when they like, how they like it, with whomever they want.

    It's been great for us since my children can still see their grandmother anytime because she is close by, they even have sleepovers! MIL is in a better mood, better dressed, and more tolerant - plus she can still babysit occasionally. We still talk to her everyday, and if there are any prblems, we come over. But we are not in each other's faces. I don't have to see her bedroom habits and she doesn't have to see mine.

    And you can get your helper back.

    Last edited by mlgs; 09-08-2006 at 09:47 PM.

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