[Sumei]

Gosh, some very emotional responses too! I am very sorry if I have offended any working mothers here, that was not the intention - there is no right or wrong way of bringing up your child (or choosing whatever method to do so), what works for some people doesn't work for others and by no means was I saying that one is only a "good" parent/mother if they are a full time mother, , just to clarify :

1. I was trying to make the point that there are consequences to whatever choice we make for our family and we should accept it's a "packaged" deal and be realistic about it - so for a working mum with a helper looking after the child, the parent should accept the fact that the child is going to grow attached to the main caregiver ie the helper...(you know, for those working mums who think we stay at home mums have it easy, we have to deal with issues like a big decrease in the family's income stream, mental and emotional stress placed on the sole breadwinner, having little or no personal "down" time etc)

2. I wasn't being sexist in anyway implying that it should be the woman who stays at home, it could be the father - it's my personal view that my children be brought up by one of their parents and in my situation given my husband's higher income, it made sense for me to give up my career

3. I di not say that working parents/mothers have unhappy children - I said I personally through my own experience and social network have not seen 2 career driven parents with happy, settled kids and a great marriage and frankly I haven't (great news if you guys have....I guess it does show that you can have it all!)

And personally, I don't think being a stay at home mum has "limited" my personal development in anyway or "wasted" my education or experience!

[geiboyi]

I have to say that if someone leaves all the 'work' to their helper, such as nappy changing, feeding, bathing, then it's not really surprising that the baby is more attached to the helper, as it is in fact her who is taking care of the vast majority of his needs. Imagine, from an adult's point of view - one person keeps you clean, well fed and comfortable, and the other just pops by to play with you, after their work, if they're not too tired. Who would you value more?

I work full-time, through financial necessity, not choice, and yet when I am at home I do this 'work' with my children, as I have little enough time to spend with them. It's not 'work' anyway, it's called having children. And I am 100% confident that given a choice between spending time with me or our helper that my children will take me every time.


[quote=Tong.kate;850909]Great to hear so many sharing on it. In fact, my baby boy is back to normal now. He did not attached to helper too much la. In fact, I do spend time with my baby both after work and weekend, we care him very much, but not in physical level. We leave the diaper changing work, feeding, bathing... to helpers. As day time work is exhasted. Still I spend time to plan activities and play with him.

[nikimom]

my baby has also been very attached to the domestic helper, i was sad but i realized that it implied she's taking good care of my baby. So i started to give my girl the 9 am feeding b4 i go off to work and come home earlier. i stay home now half a week to take care of my baby adn go out with her. i do everything by myself when i'm home and i give her hte last feeding n put her to sleep everynite.
the problem is she now got attached to both my maid and me, she's even more attached to me as she knows i'll go off for out sometimes. whenever she sees me,i have to carry her that minute or she will bring up this whole series of tantrum.

i really dont know what to do...and its really hard for the daddy and the grandparents who couldnt approach the sweetie once teh helper or i'm there.
any suggestions?

[ELT]

My baby had been very attached to the DH until recently. Hubby and I took baby to Manila last month. We didn't bring the DH along so we took care of the baby for 4 days with minimal help. Since we returned home, baby started showing stronger affection and need for mummy and daddy! So looking forward to our next vacation!

[Anamaj]

You should be happy because you know that somebody is caring and loving your babies while you're all at work. don't upset or jealous with your helper their just doing their job and you guys lucky to have them..