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am I being mean?

  1. #57
    loupou is offline Baby Guru
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    Quote Originally Posted by capital View Post
    . For those who have live in help, is this something you just get used too after time?

    Well, I grew up w/ a big family, had roomates for 3 out of 4 years at university & had flat-mates for most of the years before I got married & started a family. So, I never really felt any lack of privacy.

    I guess I think of it as "flatmate who I pay to clean up my mess instead of having a flat-mate who I have to negotiate with about the cleaning issues".

    But, everyone is different.

  2. #58
    joannek is offline Registered User
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    i grew up never having helpers. my mom, me & my sister shared the house hold chores. before i got married, my girlfriends asked me what i wanted in life, i said, "marry a man i love who loves & is kind to me, have children, hire DH so that i don't have to do the house chores, and no need to work." the other day a friend asked me if i'll go back to work when my DD is older, the other friend replied, "why would she? she's already getting what she wanted in life."

    perhaps growing up surrounded by people who have maids and me not made me feel deprived.

    i do have several friends who live in Vancouver who has DH, some live in, some live out.

    having DH sure makes life a lot more leisurely, but they also bring a lot more headaches.

  3. #59
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    Capital, I dare say you would be surprised by how quickly you adapt to having a helper. Remembering that most of us here (on this board) are foreigners so we have NO family around for help. I wasn't keen on the live in part but we have a separate maid's room off the kitchen so once she's finished work we don't see her again til the next morning. She's free to come and go as she pleases but she chooses to use the back exit so everyone has privacy. On weekends she finishes work Saturday afternoon (we like being together as a family and there is no point in insisting she stay if there is no work to be done) and she goes to stay with her friends or sister. She comes back monday morning. As long as she's back by 8.30 Monday everyone is happy.

    In a few weeks we will have two children under the age of 16 months and it would be very hard for me to manage with no family for support and no help. Plus, if the help is cheap as it is here why would you want to spend time cleaning when you can be with your family? In Australia help was expensive like it is in Canada so I'm just grateful to be here at this point in my life. It won't be forever but getting through the next couple of years with help will be great.

  4. #60
    JulesW is offline Registered User
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    I agree this helper is too stubborn. she works for you and therefore should do things the way you want. I would never again offer her any food, she can just be hungry if she cannot see that you were being nice. The raising of a voice is unacceptable. Get rid of her - there are so many others who need jobs.

  5. #61
    Dad2b is offline Registered User
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    I know this is an old thread but it seems fitting to carry it on as we are having some similar issues.

    Our helper has been with us for 7 months and we have a 20 month old and a 1 month old. She lives out which we pay for, we give her a food and travel allowance, pay her minimum wage and give her holidays (4 days for easter for instance) even when it is not law that she gets them off. When we employed her we told her we weren't rich but would make up for it with a nice environment, good conditions, time off when we could give it to her etc.
    The problem is that we are getting a lot of attitude from her and she is at the stage where she will ignore my wife in the morning when she greets her with a good morning, sulks when we point out that shirts haven't been ironed well etc. We have played good cop/bad cop with me playing the villain as I don't have to have a close relationship with her as I'm out working everyday but to no avail. When she is nice she is nice- big smile, laughing etc but they are becoming few and far between.
    As we have a 1 month old my wife is trying to keep a balance of sleep and time with both kids which often necessitates leaving a list of chores which need to be done. The helper has expressed extreme displeasure at having lists written and claims that she knows how to run a household, yet we pointed out that dust had gathered in a lot of places, under the cot was dirty etc, etc, all things which my wife noticed an put on a list. She will also not apologise for anything nor admit fault on her part for anything- ever! We have openly commented that the house looks good and tidy, our son had fun with her at the playground etc, etc yet she keeps saying that we are not happy with her and don't think she is oing a good job.
    The list goes on- we are at our wits end and don't want to let her go as she is a good person. Any suggestions with warnings or any other way of doing things?

  6. #62
    haniikwok's Avatar
    haniikwok is offline Registered User
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    Hey Dad2b,

    I'm searching for a DH myself and been doing a lot of research on the web. I know a lot Chinese employers will write warning letters and have the DH sign as acknowledgement, these letters will help you in the future when you decide to fire her.

    Another way may be is to sit-down with her and have a proper chat, ask her what her problems are and why she is finding it so difficult to follow instructions from you.

    I think sometimes its all down to personalities, someone may be a very good person but just not good at following orders/instructions, meaning she will never improve and become a suitable DH for your family. You shouldn't have to pay and suffer at the same time. I would fire her and find another maid!!!!

  7. #63
    spockey is offline Registered User
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    Give her the "warnings" she's due if you wish.
    But as someone once said on this forum, "If your helper isn't helping/helpful, then it's time for the helper to go."

  8. #64
    joannek is offline Registered User
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    i started this thread & luckily the said helper was replaced since last July.

    Dad2b, sounds like you hired the helper i was talking about!!

    I agree, i know your wife just gave birth, but i think you should start looking for a replacement.

    from what you said, it seems like: 1. she's comparing working at your place with her previous jobs (meaning probably her previous employer didn't ask for "so much" & let her get by all the time. so when you state your requirements sge gets "upset") 2. she's probably "unhappy" that there's a new member to the family. a new member means more work.

    in any case, you should replace her. there are tons of filipino girls from the filipines who so wanna work here.

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