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am I being mean?

  1. #65
    Sage is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2007

    I had to change my helper when my baby was two months old (I survived with the help of local cleaning companies and local part-time helpers). Basically, she was with us while we were DINKs and had an easy life - loads of time off, etc. My husband and I traveled a lot for work and I guess she had a lot of freedom. We were also hardly ever at home, dining outside most of the time. With arrival of a baby, suddenly, things changed and I have become a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).
    Nothing we do will make her "accept" the bub. She didn't lift a finger to help me with the bub (which I didn't mind) but the last straw came when she started slacking from her previous "job-scope" which involves keeping the house clean, doing the laundry and watering the plants.
    Maybe she thought that since I'm at home, I could do those things too! In the end, I had to let her go. I paid her the long-term payment, etc. I was really upset because if I had known that she was going to be this bad, I would not have renewed her contract (a week before the baby was due) in the first place.
    Anyway, my new helper is working out very well. She started from the fact that we are a family of three and so, there wasn't any expectation, (afternoon naps!), etc. I guess all I'm saying is that, don't make the same mistake I did by dragging it out. As many mothers here say, it's not worth it and there ARE many other helpers out there who are more willing to do a better job.

    Good luck.

  2. #66
    cemily is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2004
    hong kong


    Maybe look at it another way. If you are not pleased with your helper, v likely she is not happy in your present household. It may be best for both parties to start afresh - you with another helper and she with another household.



  3. #67
    mum2b is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Sai Kung

    Thanks all, (I am on my wife's computer!), basically my wife told her to go home and think about her future and to come in this morning and tell us what she has decided. This puts the ball in her court but my wife and I discussed it last night and decided that she has to go anyway.
    We will give her a warning if she comes and tells us she wants to stay which will give us time to look for a replacement and a final chance for her to prove herself. I suspect that if she comes in and tells us she wants to stay it will be for her to buy time to find a new position anyway.
    This thread has been great, especially for my wife, to see that there are options and that many of us feel the same way when this situation arises.
    Never pleasant but needs be.

  4. #68
    haniikwok's Avatar
    haniikwok is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Tung Chung

    Happy you have found a solution.

    I'm still looking for a DH!!! The first question some DHs ask us is our nationalities! We're British born Chinese expats here in HK, so our appearance is 100% Chinese. Many of them became disinterested when we tell them we're originally Chinese or when they meet us face-to-face and realise we're not Westerners.


  5. #69
    muffkitt's Avatar
    muffkitt is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Hong Kong

    If a DH chooses her employer based on race with a preference for Westerners, then they are not the right one for you if you are Chinese brought up in the West. Need to find one who will be comfortable with the basics.

    Some traits cannot be changed no matter what. Lack of skills can be improved if you are willing to spend the time and have the patience and the DH is willing to learn. It's really the luck of the draw.

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