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Lying Domestic Helpers

  1. #9
    mum of 2 is offline Registered User
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    My helper lies about things all the time. However, she does not look after the children, except when they are sleeping, so I try not to let it bother me. I'm just not sure why she does it - it's usually information that she has volunteered rather than given in response to my questions. She always slips up by contradicting herself later. It's never about anything important, so I just don't know why she bothers.

  2. #10
    Konradsmom is offline Registered User
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    True, but its also a matter of whether they are willing to take instructions. if you have laid down specific instructions and they won't follow , or would only sullenly and grudingly follow then its not very good , is it.

    Its particularly impportant with DH because they are in your home and with your family - it would be very different if its only in a office situation. You entrust your home, private space, safety of loved ones to them while you are away, and can't really compare with an office employee.

    Whats also worrying is that although I have let things go at the beginning ( about where she went without telling me), the fact that I didn't confront her made her think that either I wasn't clever enough to know , or I didn't care, and things got worse. She started making "trips" outside of the house as and when she wanted without my knowing (found out when the security guard once told me that they found my flat door not properly locked).

    Even I won't dream of disappearing from the office for extended periods without letting my colleagues know where I am going. Its not so much about monitoring other people's whereabouts, its also about a sense of responsibility.

  3. #11
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    I've got a good helper but she's lied a few times which is bothersome. The problem with lying, even just over small matters is they lose total credibility so you don't know when to believe them. If she ever lied about anything concerning my son I would let her go.

  4. #12
    joannek is offline Registered User
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    my previous helper lied about the smallest things like these posts are about. and it escalated as the contract time went by.. she lied about all those they mentioned here & a tat more. and then it went to a point where i couldn't trust her with my kid anymore. that was the time i decided i had to let her go.

    i know it's not fair to generalise any culture, but i have an uncle who used to own & run a garment factory in the filipines for more than 10 years, so he had a lot of experience with filipino ppl, educated or not, etc. i quote him, "those filipinos are all son of b*tches. b*stards and none of them can be trusted. it's their culture to lie & i finally had enough of them, so i moved my factory to another country". mind you, this uncle is usually very well-mannered & i have never heard him say a mean word or swear word, but he did use a very foul word to describe them.

    however, there are good ones. i live with my in-laws & my mil had been hiring filipino helpers for more than 20years. she's had some bad experience with stealing, & lying. but the current 2 are good, specially the older one, who's 40+. she knows her position & she always say, "i don't care what other ppl do or say, i'm here to earn money, and i want to work in a happy environment."

    so i think it depends on the person you hire.

  5. #13
    provence is offline Registered User
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    I caught my indonesian DH took my wallet from my bag. When I asked her what was she doing, she answered she just wanted to take a look at my photo on my ID. I was so shocked with her answer, I didn't know what to say. The next day, i asked her to leave.

  6. #14
    HappyV is offline Registered User
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    I'm sure there are maids who lie.
    I'm pretty sure there are employers who lie too.
    Why does this forum constantly demonise Domestic Helpers? I've heard some pretty sickening stories about what employers do to their helpers, which makes lying pale by comparison.

  7. #15
    mum of 2 is offline Registered User
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    HappyV, I don't think it's a question of demonising, just of being prepared for situations. When we first moved to HK, we heard the most AMAZING stories of indispensible DHs. I admit that many of them had come from people who lived in HK a while back, and had Chinese Amahs, but every story made me think that I was winning the lottery by having the opportunity to employ one of these incredible helpers! So, I guess my expectations were too high. I was knocked for six when I employed our first helper - by her laziness, scheming etc. We had tried to do everything to make her feel valued (offering proper bedroom, 2 flights and 5 weeks paid leave a year, Sat and Sun off etc. etc).

    With my second, having read and heard so many horror stories, I was MUCH better prepared and had more realistic expectations. That is why I try not to let the fibbing bother me like I said, it is information volunteered by her and does not affect our family in any meaningful way. It does not mean that I understand why she does it, or that I like it.

    Most of us have employed people before, but usually in an office environment etc. Having an employee in your home is whole different scenario, and something to which I am still adjusting 18 months on. Without forums like this, I would not be able to put my 'helper issues' into perspective. I don't think that any of us are claiming to be perfect employers, and we are all aware that there is abuse out there. We are however, trying to manage our individual situations as well as possible and sometime sit is better to vent on an anonymous forum than at the helper. The majority of people are using these forums as a way to learn to become better employers. If someone's else's horror story gives me better perspective, then their 'demonising' has served a constructive purpose.

  8. #16
    HappyV is offline Registered User
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    You're missing the point. 'Demonising' does not serve to illustrate, only confabulate.
    I agree that you need to be aware and prepared - but having a thread like this is just another opportunity for employers to point out just how superior they are to their DH - and to further propogate the underlying assumptions about value, worth, money which lead to so much abuse (of the system).
    It's all about justifying what is, for many HK employers, effectively slave labour. (ie. 24/7 service)

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