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DH's last day today, sad

  1. #1
    mintycat is offline Registered User
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    DH's last day today, sad

    DH's last day is today, her contract expires tomorrow. We were in the process of renewing it but then a few weeks ago she hurt her back (she told me recently that she already has chronic back pain) carrying my 2 year old and it has gotten worse. She said she wants to go back to the Phil to rest and doesn't know when she will get better. At first I did question it but now I know this is true. She has seen the doctor and was told to rest but then my water broke 3 weeks earlier than expected and she was left home alone with my LO while I was at the hospital for 6 days for my c-section last week. I hired a local Chinese part time to help out but I think she really needed the rest.

    She is 50 years old and I understand that at her age, it will take a long time to recuperate. Yes, this is the DH that I wrote about in an earlier post about only wanting to take Sundays off and that if I ever hire a second DH, the new one has to take another day off. Of course there are other aspects of her performance that we are not satisfied with but we overlook them because she is excellent with my LO and I trust her with her. DH has been here since LO was 3 weeks old and she knows all the ins and outs of this household. She told me she will miss my LO very much and that she likes working for us but her back is really hurting her. I told her to call me once she is ok and she can come back whenever she wants. We can always work around it and let her do the less labor intensive work. I plan to have 2 maids at home anyway.

    This is the first time a maid is leaving and I am surprised I am so sad about it. I haven't been able to sleep in the past few nights, thinking of all the things she has done here, the fun songs she has taught LO to sing, the things she has taught LO, the time we spent in Toronto last year etc. I am sad for LO too. She is 2 and doesn't understand DH is leaving and I am sure she will get over it soon but still...

    Lucikly I have just found another maid as I am still recovering from my c-section at home with a 2 year old and a 10 day old, but who knows if she will be as good with the kids?

    Sorry for the novel but I just want to know how you guys deal with DH leaving. I know I will get over it but the hormones are making me extra sentimental.

  2. #2
    joannek is offline Registered User
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    i know exactly how that feels. and some of my friends share the same feeling when their helpers leave. i actually let my DH go cos i wasn't trusting her & my other friend fired her DH cos she was caught red-handed stealing. but both of us felt so sad when the DH left cos we think of all the good things the DH has help do & taught our beloved child. we both decribed that feeling the same as we got dumped by our boyfriends!! we are all human and some more sentimental as others. we've been with the said DH for 2 years or more, everyday (or 6 days a week) and sometimes they became the closest person we are with, cos we live together & we both take care of the our child.

    it is normal to feel whet you are feeling. my DH left for 6 mths already & i still miss her sometimes.

  3. #3
    mailmail is offline Registered User
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    Me too! When my previous DH said good bye on her last day, I cried. I still miss her, and think of her from time to time. She has faults, but she also has wonderful attributes. No one is perfect....which I keep telling myself whenever I feel disspointed with my current helper when she does something wrong (repeatedly). I learn to be more understanding....

  4. #4
    Seb's Dad is offline Registered User
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    hi minty ~
    this is a great post. we have helped our dh find a position in canada as a nanny and she is moving there in september. i'm not recovering from a caesarean and i feel many of the same emotions you write of, and she hasn't even left yet!

    i am glad you have found another helper, and i hope that she does show your children the love your previous helper did.

    you might want to give your helper several pictures of her with your child if you have any hanging around. i think she would appreciate them, as it sounds like she loves your child a great deal.

    seb's mum (written from dad's account!)

  5. #5
    shri's Avatar
    shri is offline Administrator
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    Funny how people like HappyV ignore threads like this and fail to encourage employers who genuinely care about their helpers. :)

  6. #6
    lynn cheung is offline Registered User
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    I agree with you. Though I didn't post any reply, but I've been following threads about DH and find HappyV's comments very annoying and off the subjects.

  7. #7
    kashismum is offline Registered User
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    Unfair

    C'mon guys, let's not pick on one poster. And, coming from the Administrator...! Shri, go ahead and ban HappyV if s/he is actually breaking the rules.

    Otherwise, live and let live. It is a discussion forum, after all!

  8. #8
    Canucker is offline Registered User
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    I think this is a great post... I can see how after having someone work for you for years and then they leave how it can be hard. My husband and I will be looking to hire our "first" DH in a couple of months and I have to admit some of the past posts have made me scared about the process, but I know there are great DH's out there. I hope I am as lucky as many of you have been a get a great DH who stays with my family for years to come.

    Canucker

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