[cookiemouse]

Help! Does anyone have any suggestions as to a nice way of asking my helper not to keep kissing my baby? Our helper is good and loves my baby very much, but she is displaying a little more affection than I would like.

For example, she would kiss my baby every night when she is sleeping (after I have put the baby to bed and gave her a kiss!) and also, sometimes in the afternoon, she would hold my baby on her bed and nap with her in her arms.

It is making me feel a little weird as she is acting like my baby's mother! I try to do a lot of things for my baby myself but when I go to work, I depend on the helper. I am not sure how to tell her nicely as my husband has already told her not to kiss our baby although she is still doing it.

Please help.

[fee]

You are so lucky to have a helper that adores your child. At least you know that your baby is being loved and cared for while you are at work. If you feel uncomfortable about your helper kissing your baby maybe you could ask her to just kiss baby on the hand. If she forgets and goes back to kissing baby on the face you will have to decide whether her love for your baby is a problem for you. Remember that no helper will be exactly what you want - everyone has their own personality and we, as employers, may just have to accept a few things done differently than we would prefer. Your baby will not suffer from being so loved and your place as mummy can never be taken.

[ELT]

hi cookiemouse

My DH kisses my baby ALL THE TIME! It felt very strange at the beginning (not only to me, but to my mom and dad) and I wanted to talk to her about it. I decided not to for fear that she would supress her affection and distant herself from the baby. It did take me a while to adjust myself. Now that she is with the family for 8 months and looking back I'm so glad that I never brought up the subject. I have seen DHs yelling at little children and being very rough when they didn't behave. I genuinely believe a DH who loves the kid would never behave that way. So I'd rather foster love between the DH and the baby than keeping her a stranger.

If you really feel very uncomfortable about certain behaviors, then you'd need to tell her nicely. But remember, if it is something that you do but she can't, then you better come up with a valid reason or else you may come across unreasonable in the DH eyes. E.g if you and your husband kisses the baby all the time, why can't she? If she ended up feeling she is not allowed to kiss her because she is the 'helper', then you might just create more problems for yourself.

[sky123]

I think I would feel really uncomfortable with my DH kissing my baby too. I mean there are other ways to show affection such as by lots of hugs and cuddles. Also kissing can pass on infections and may be dangerous in allergy-prone babies. I make sure I never kiss my baby on the mouth but can I be sure a DH will abide by the same rules. Actually I don't know if my DH does kiss my baby or not but I have never seen this happen. If I did I probably would have a word with her.

[jane01]

I think it is fine for DH's to kiss babies when mum is working. Babies need affection and if mum is out of the house for 12+ hours a day, that is too long to go without a kiss and a cuddle.

However, I think going and kissing your baby when you have already put her to bed is a bit weird and I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I also wouldn't like my baby napping with the helper. Firstly, that is a good time for the helper to do dangerous chores like ironing which she can't do when bubs is awake. Secondly, it may create sleeping problems later if bubs gets used to sleeping with someone.

You have to decide what works in your house, but in ours when my husband or I are home, WE are the parents, NOT the helper. I made this very clear from when our girls were born. In fact when I am home, she usually has the day off so this is not a problem for us.

[AndreaY]

I think you are lucky too that your helper loves your baby and hopefully he/she will turn out to be loving and affectionate. Unless you are thinking that your helper is passing on germs to your baby, then I think it just means you are getting jealous that she will have better relationship with your baby than you. If that's the case, you really should not worry, it sounds like you have done you best to be the mom and have made sure that you are there, to put baby to sleep etc. Your baby will know who is his/her mommy and your position can never be replaced by the helper.

[snagito]

I suppose the issue could be sorted a bit if you set down rules like nobody goes into baby's room and disturbs her after you've put her down..and also baby should only sleep in her own room (at least while you're away)...but I think kissing and cuddling the rest of the time would be good for baby in general...Just a thought

[barbwong_130]

I would suggest having the baby sleep in your room. The helper is much less likely to go into your room uninvited than into a special room for the baby. It is also recommended that the baby sleep with the parents for the first six months.