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Babies will only be 17 mos apart! HELP!

  1. #1
    miaka is offline Registered User
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    Babies will only be 17 mos apart! HELP!

    Anyone out there have experience with babies closely spaced? I'm expecting my second in Feb and I'm totally freaking out. We don't have a helper and don't plan on one. It's just me.

    How do you manage? How do you go out w/ two babies? Anyone try tandem nursing? I'm sure it will be mildly easier once they're both walking and can play together. But in the mean time, any pearls of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    Seriously, you NEED a helper. I'm sure women have done it by themselves before most would have had family to help. As for me, i would possibly have killed myself without my helper. Seriously.

    The age difference in our family is 16 months and whilst the first was incredibly easy as a baby (thus the small age gap - we thought the next would be easy too!) the second has suffered reflux and consequently was in quite a lot of pain for awhile leading to lots of crying, lots of trips to doctors and lots of difficulty with breastfeeding. Not to mention my problems, baby flipping at term forcing me to have a c-section and lots of breastfeeding issues including mastitis, then too much milk, then too fast a supply etc. At 9 weeks we've more or less got it under control but have to use medication for his reflux and I have to breastfeed lying down as that's the only way he will stay latched on. Imagine doing that each time with no helper and a 16 month old demanding attention. What do you do when they are both hungry at the same time and screaming for food?

    Then of course even if your second baby is easier to manage than mine your first still needs and deserves attention. Just the fact that your baby needs to feed so much particularly in the early months means life revolves around the baby not the toddler. That's hard for a toddler to understand. What they do understand quickly is that crying gets the baby attention so that's what they should do...

    If you can afford even part time help i would get it. You have to remember the overwhelming tiredness, the interrupted sleep etc. It's easy to forget once you've got a toddler that sleeps through the night. I'm exhausted all the time just trying to make sure everyone gets enough attention and enough time alone with me. I know it will get easier but if you are like me and an expat over here with no family help is a must.

    Good luck.I suggest getting mentally prepared. I just wanted the baby to come and didn't really think too much about how hard it would be. My biggest mistake was thinking that my second would be as easy as my first.

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    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    After all that bad news thought I should say that i do look at my boys and think how lucky they are to be so close in age, how lucky i am to be done in such a short time with pregnancies. It will be worth it soon. It will get easier. Or so they tell me!

  4. #4
    miaka is offline Registered User
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    unfortunately, we can't afford a helper. but my husband is great about donig house chores and taking care of the kids when he gets off work. we're probably going to ask my MIL to come and cook. and my dad may be able to get some time off to help as well. my hubby has 2 brothers that live in the same complex and both their wives are stay at home moms ... so they are just a phone call away too. i wonder if that's going to be enuf. i'm still feeling a bit nervous and worried tho. (my first isn't sleeping thru the night yet.)

  5. #5
    syuan is offline Registered User
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    mine are less than 16 months apart. luckily, the second baby girl was very easy, and i put her on the Gina Ford schedule since Day 1, because I needed to know exactly when I had to be here to breastfeed, and when I could spend quality time with my first son and take him out to playgroups and things.

    we do have a helper, but she does the cooking and cleaning only, i do everything with the kids. it was great that i could just concentrate on the kids, but it was still really tough those first 6 months due to lack of sleep. but after that when both were sleeping through the night, it was way better, and i could literally feel each day getting easier.

    now i think it's so great that they're so close in age, and they really do play together so nicely now (they are 2.5 and nearly 4 years old). but in the beginning, you may need some help, especially when there are emergencies, or if you need to bring the baby in for checkups, will the other sister-in-laws be able to watch your elder one for a while?

    as for going out with both, i actually found it easier when the younger one was still in the baby carrier, and i could just hold hands with the elder. but when they both start walking, it's a nightmare!

  6. #6
    kashismum is offline Registered User
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    Mine are about 16 months apart.
    You will need help. If it's not paid help, enlist that of friends, family, etc.
    You will be more tired than you have ever known. Be prepared and ask hubbie to attend to your oldest at night. Consider sleep training between now and the new arrival.
    You can wait and see about tandem nursing. I was fully prepared to give it a go, but when I came back from hospital after delivery, she just wasn't interested. You can switch to cow's milk now if you want to wean him/her off the breast.
    And when you are at your wits end, remind yourself that the first few months are the toughest and you'll be enjoying a good night's sleep when your friends are all getting pregnant again!
    Even with my littlest at 5 months, they are sort of playing together and I get all googly just watching them.
    Oh, and we got our eldest a baby doll so she had a baby too. It seemed to work too!
    Don't despair. Try to focus on the positives; you are very blessed.

  7. #7
    KatBoo is offline Registered User
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    you will cope. i know that may not be what you want to hear (it wasn't what I wanted to hear when people said it to me), but it's true. You kind of just take each day at a time.

    (it also helps to think there are people out there in a worse scenario than you.....I have 3 month old twins and a 2 year old!!)

  8. #8
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    Miaka, it's good to hear you have so much family close by. Use them as much as you can. As they say, if someone offers help take it. If you will be doing the cooking then cook and freeze now. Go out every day or you will go crazy - as will your toddler. And look after yourself as much as possible. Even a 10 minute bath helps me regain my sanity.

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