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Help! Baby is too attached to helper

  1. #9
    jxoxo's Avatar
    jxoxo is offline Registered User
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    It's a blessing that your baby loves your helper. It means your helper takes great care of her and loves her! And you can have your private time. My 7 month-old daughter ALWAYS reaches out for me when i am around. I have another 2 year old boy and i feel like I don't spend enough time with my son because I am always holding or entertaining my daughter!

    Good luck!

  2. #10
    slamdunk is offline Registered User
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    With my first, I felt the same sensitivity to my daughter's affection for my helper when i went back to work full time but she is 3y/o now and mummy is definitely no. 1 at home! I think what helped was that as far as possible, nighttimes (inc. bedtime, storybook, night wakings etc., sickness) and mornings (inc. pre-dawn wake ups, first bf/milk feed, etc) were taken care of by myself or my husband (usually me!). This was our special private time without the helper - and tiring as it was sometimes (especially with nightwakings), i felt it was worth it.

    We are now doing the same with our 10 m/o boy - which has been a bit trickier with a toddler about too - and our helper (same one) will help out a little more in the mornings.

  3. #11
    Princess101 is offline Registered User
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    Help Please! I am not working and have just got a live-in helper and am finding it really hard to get used to someone else being in the house and looking after my baby. I don't want to seem unkind to my helper as I know she just wants to help but I find she is there ALL the time and comes into the room when I am changing my baby or bathing him. I keep saying, don't worry I will do it but then she appears again later on... Any advice as I am really struggling to feel comfortable in my own home.

  4. #12
    yonge is offline Registered User
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    Princess101, I'm also a full-time homemaker and have a live-in domestic helper. I made it very clear with this one (she is my second) from the onset that her primary responsibilities were cleaning, laundry and cooking and that her secondary responsibilities are childcare and grocery-shopping. Maybe your helper needs a little more direction about how she can help you around the house. You might want to have a list of "projects" that you want her to do for you when she is looking for something to do - reorganizing the closets, cleaning the refrigerator, shelving books, etc.

    However, my first domestic helper really wanted to only do childcare and was not interested in doing the cleaning, laundry, cooking. She would pretend not to be able to understand what I wanted her to do, so that at times, I would end up so frustrated that I would do the household chores myself! She herself suggested that I hire another person to do the work we wanted her to do. Obviously, we had to part ways.

    In short, you'll need to find out if your helper is both able and willing to do the job you want her to do. Be clear, firm and don't feel bad about repeating yourself. You are not being unkind, but consistent. Until she's familiar with your routine, you may even have to add that you'll ask her for her help with childcare when you need it. Good luck and hopefully, you'll feel more comfortable in your own home soon!

  5. #13
    Princess101 is offline Registered User
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    Thank you Yonge, I know it is partly my fault for not being firm with her. Thing is she is so good at doing all the other chores that I feel bad if I don't let her spend much time with my baby... I know that's silly and I am too soft but I can't help it! Have never had a helper before so I'm sure I'll get used to it and start to enjoy having the help!

  6. #14
    aussie mum is offline Registered User
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    It took me a while to adjust to having live in help. In the early days I had similar problems to you. I ended up telling her, numerous times, not to touch my son without my permission. It was harsh but necessary in the early days. She soon got used to doing all the household chores and little by little i started to request occasional childcare. By the time I was heavily pregnant with my second child I was thankful for the extra pair of hands to take my son to the playground while I rested :-) it took me a while to get to that point though.
    Good luck

  7. #15
    Princess101 is offline Registered User
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    Thanks aussie mum, am sure I need to give it some time. My helper is actually off to the Philippines soon to see her own family (again this makes me feel guilty as she is missing out on her own children growing up..). I think she is getting the message, I just have to keep repeating that I don't need any help. She is very good though and thinks she is being helpful so just need to get the balance right.

  8. #16
    yonge is offline Registered User
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    No worries, Princess101. You're not being silly - just new at living with live-in help. I know I was and I let my first helper abuse my good-will (I don't want to go into the gory details unless you think it would help you in terms of what to watch out for). It's great that your helper is so good with her other chores, but you're the one that decides if and when you need help with your son. For example, you might appreciate having her play with him while you're having an early dinner before you start your bed-time routine with him. Just make clear that bathtime and bedtime are private times for you and your son, so that she knows to allow you your privacy. Good luck, again - you'll enjoy having help soon enough! ;)

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