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Controlled Crying/Waking Each Other

  1. #1
    kashismum is offline Registered User
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    Controlled Crying/Waking Each Other

    To all second/third time Mums: I have two children that wake numerous times at night. I am starting back to full-time work and I can't cope on the little sleep I am getting.

    I am in favour of controlled crying (or anything else that will work) but at a loss as to how I can do the two at once, or even one by one.

    Our flat is not tiny and they sleep in separate rooms, but they seem to be 'tuned in' to one another and almost as soon as one starts crying, the other will wake. So, I can't imagine the chaos if I am to let each cry for 5-15 minutes at a time!!

    My daughter used to sleep through, but got clingy and then a trip away meant we were all sleeping in the same room, which progressed to the same bed. So, now she doesn't want to sleep alone.

    My son also used to be better. Now he wakes every 2 hours for a feed. He is breastfed and is on solids. He sleeps a maximum of 3 hours in the day - usually in two equal blocks - and goes to sleep between 7 & 8pm and wakes at 6:30am.

    I would love to hear from others who have had similar problems and any suggestions.

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    jane01 is offline Registered User
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    How old are your children?

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    kashismum is offline Registered User
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    Sorry - thought the ticker would show that. One is 2 years and the other 8 months.
    Thanks

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    jane01 is offline Registered User
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    Ooops, sorry must have missed that !

    So you have a 2 y.o. and 7 month old. Have you had them checked for medical reasons for waking up, eg. ear infections.

    Is the 2 y.o. old enough to understand star charts? If he is, perhaps promise a small gift for 5 stars (eg. a small car, etc) and a real treat at the end of the month? (Eg. a trip to Disneyland) The deal is that he must stay in bed all night and if he wakes up, go back to sleep straight away and no crying. You will also have to explain that if he hears the baby, just to ignore it and go back to sleep. He might be a little young to understand the reasoning. By 2.5-3'ish, he should be old enough to reason with.

    I'm not sure controlled crying would work over about 1 year. I think most 'sleep experts' recommend cry it out at that stage. That means lots of positive attention during the day, follow a nice bedtime routine then 'night night, love you, see you in the morning'. And then do just that. I've never tried it, thankfully never needed to.

    Is the 7 month old waking up hungry? Have you tried a rollover feed @ about 10pm or whenever you go to bed. Just pick bub up and feed him. Don't wake him up, as little light as you can possibly manage.

    My eldest had a rollover feed until she was 9 months and she was quite a big baby. At 7 months I also nightweaned her because she was feeding every 1-2 hours all night long. I had her checked by our local baby nurse who said she was a big fat baby who didn't need to feed all night. So I fed her around 10pm, then nothing until about 5am. I did comfort her - eg. patting/rocking/cuddling. Just no feeding. She slept through within 2 weeks, but everyone is different.

    Good luck !

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    AG2007 is offline Registered User
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    Hi jane01
    My girl is 5 mths and is waking every 2hrs to feed. How did you night wean your baby? I try to pat/rock/cuddle but my girl screams blue murder unless I feed her. I heard that I can feed her for a minute or whatever it takes just to soothe her and then stop - supposedly after a while she will not bother to wake since she's getting such a small feed. Did you do that or just stayed firm and didn't feed at all till 5am?

    Hi Kashimum
    How long has your son been waking up every 2 hrs for? Ever since my girl got a cold (which is about 1.5 months ago now) she's been waking every 2 hrs - she used to just wake once at 3am!

  6. #6
    LLL_Sarah is offline Registered User
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    Elizabeth Pantley discusses night weaning and many other ways to help your baby sleep for longer in her book, The No Cry Sleep Solution.

    This book is available at http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=290.
    As is one of her other books, The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Pre-schoolers at http://www.shopinhk.com/product.php?productid=1127

    Both these books are also available to borrow in the La Leche League library. Call Maggie on 2817-7475 or at [email protected]
    (We ask you to be a member to borrow our books.)

    Best wishes,
    SARAH

  7. #7
    jane01 is offline Registered User
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    AG2007 - 5 months is a bit early to night wean. But all I did was a rollover feed @ about 10pm, then no milk until about 5am. She did wake, but I rocked/cuddled/patted/whatever back to sleep. This was more work to begin with, but within 2 weeks she was reliably sleeping through and has ever since (she is now 4.5). As I mentioned before, I did this only after speaking to a midwife about it and not until she was about 7 months. By 7 months she was on 3 solid meals a day. I also had her medically checked to make sure nothing was wrong - eg. ear infection.

    I have read the No Cry Sleep Solution but it is a bit too slow/unreliable for me. I don't see how the baby can know what you want it to do.

  8. #8
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    phylicia is offline Registered User
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    Hi Kashismum,
    Please, please email Dr. Bryan Symonds, see http://www.silentnights.org/. He is the author of the book 'Silent Nights', and is based in Adelaide in Australia. He does phone consultations or if you have Skype, this would be cheaper, that is, no phone cost (my husband and I use Skype all the time between China and Australia and it's FANTASTIC).

    I have other friends who swear by his techniques.

    Anyway, if you're not going to consult him, I personally had a baby that woke up every 2-3 hours round the clock for months and I was severely sleep deprived. At 8 months, I did controlled crying, actually, I let her cry it out for 3 nights, and geez did she cry Blue murder and actually vomited on the first night, but I waited for a short time to hear her cry again and she did, so I didn't go in but this only happened on the first night. Anyway, the first night she cried so loud for an hour and a half (yes, she's incredibly stubborn) until she fell asleep from exhaustion and woke up a few times during that night and cried blue murder every time but my husband and I didn't go in at all, then the second night, she cried for 40 mins, and on the 3rd night she cried for 5 mins and by the 4th night, we just put her in her cot, wide awake after a big milk bottle and she slept through.

    She's been sleeping through like a champion since the controlled crying nights. I just had to keep on reminding myself that "SHE HAS TO DO THIS ON HER OWN, I CAN'T DO THIS FOR HER" and that it is crucial to teach her to sleep on her own for her future because good sleeping habits as a baby means good sleeping habits as an adult.

    It was the most AWFUL thing that hubby and I have ever done but we were so exhausted from getting up several times at night.

    Also, get bubs checked out first for medical conditions, eg. reflux or ear infections, ear grommets..etc before you do controlled crying because it won't work if they are not feeling well.

    We went overseas on a trip and bub had to share a room with us and we had to do controlled crying in the hotel but this only lasted for 5 mins, because she knew that all her screaming was not going to get mommy and daddy to pick her up. BABIES ARE A LOT CLEVERER THAN YOU MAY THINK THEY ARE.

    Good luck, I really hope anything that I've mentioned may have helped you. I truly understand your tiredness and feel like giving you a big hug.

    P.

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