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taking new (2nd) baby home

  1. #1
    kellyst is offline Registered User
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    taking new (2nd) baby home

    just one month to go before my second on comes out. i have a 2y.o. girl now, trying to spend as much time with her now as possible.

    i'm a believer on routines for babies, so i've been reading up and have been planning on putting the new baby on a routine the day we get home. i am very worried about transition for my 2y.o. tho, i have plenty of help at home to entertain her, helpers/in-laws/my mom. but i also don't want to be ONLY tending to the baby and want to be able to spend some time with the older child as well.

    even tho the new baby will be sleeping quite a bit, it still seems like there won't be too much time left for the the older child, let alone time for me to recover (will be c-section for me).

    i'd love to hear tips of other moms of how you cope with a new 2nd baby at home? how do you draw the balance? we heard about present exchange (between the kids) etc... any comments greatly appreciate.

  2. #2
    momofthree is offline Registered User
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    I have 22months between my second and third and I was worried about the transition when I bought baby no.3 home-also after a c-section.

    It went off much better than I imagined.My parents were hear and mostly to care of my 22month old while I tended to baby and rested.I showed her my incision and explained "mommy has and boo-boo" and she understood not being able to sit on my lap.I had also "weaned her of that abit before the birth".
    She asked to nurse one time only and I let her and then that was the end of that.

    The attention demanding only came much later for me-about four months and by then i had recovered and baby was in a better routine and I was able to leave him at home with my helper and take my 2 yr old out for some special time.

    Balance did not happen in the first few months-I was pretty much all with baby but I had a good support network of people my 2 yr old loved and was quiet happy to be with.She even understood than I needed to nap!!

    It will come right with time and now mine are 2.5yrs and 8months and already loving each others company.

    I was worried the age gap would be too close but now I think it will be great fun.

    Good luck and enjoy!

  3. #3
    capital is offline Banned
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    MIn are 25 months apart and I had the same worries. I had help form my mom the first week, then I was on my own (she lives 9 hours away). I did keep my day home 2 days/week for the first month so I could be alone with the baby. I found the hardest thing was feeding the baby, the older one would try to rip the baby away from me, he was very jeolous. He wanted to nurse again, and I did let him because I was certain he would continue and I didn't want to tandem nurse. I regret letting him, I think it would have helped with the jeolously. Momst kids will only try once, and thats, it, even he he kept wanting to it wouldn't have been terrible, so I may have well as.

    I had the main areas of the house 100% child proof so that the older one could be alone and I wouldn't hvae to worry about him.

    I felt guilty for a long time that I was short changing each child.and that the expereince was not the same with the second as with the first. It took me a long time to get over that. Where you are now, is not where you were when your first was born, and that is okay, it is not supposed to be the same and it is quite fine for each child to have less attention. I remind myself how my grandma or great grandparents had large families and had to get water from a well, wash clothing by hand, grow large gardens, cook large meals, there is no way they could have spent much time with each child individually compared to how much time I can spend with my 2 even if I live far away from any family and do everything myself with all modern conviences

  4. #4
    mum of 2 is offline Registered User
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    We started making the changes (to playgroups, nursery, bedtime etc) before the baby was born. Daily baths became every second day, tried getting my husband, visiting grandparents etc. to put my daughter to bed every now and then so that we did not go from 100% Mummy to a mixture of people while I was in the hospital and afterwards.

    In the hospital, my husband called me from the lobby so that I was not holding the baby and ready to embrace our 2 year old when she walked into the room. We had her 'gift from the baby' under the cot (but she did not believe for one second that a 7 hour old baby could have popped out for a spot of toy shopping).

    I did not even attempt Gina Ford once we got home. I tried to get the baby to sleep to/from my daughter's activities and during her story/bath/bedtime. That may have contributed to not sleeping through the night, but that comes (eventually). Did not have a c-section, so carrying etc. was not a problem.

    I was much less proud about accepting help than I had been first time around (and accepted even more on our 3rd). My husband would arrange special 'Father-Daughter' trips to let me at home with the baby to squeeze in a nap, feed without interruptions etc.

    It certainly was not all smooth sailing though; lots of jealousy, but it fizzled away in time. The greatest challenge at the start was showering. Eldest hated me taking the baby with me everywhere, but could not be trusted with him. My 'no tv in the morning' rule quickly went out the door. Showers were timed during her favourite tv programme, so that I could sneak upstairs with the baby undetected. A few sticker books kept her amused for those times too.

    Agree with capital, we beat ourselves up over short-changing siblings, but our children are not getting a raw deal. I cried and cried on quite a few evening when our daughter was jealous and feeling neglected. My husband had to remind me that we had a second child for her more than for us. More than 2 years on, I realise that he was right, her siblings are the best gifts we've ever given her. They all adore one another......although the green-eyed monster never totally goes away.

    Good luck with it. It gets easier and easier once you've all settled into a new routine. It is worth every ounce of guilt ande exhaustion!

  5. #5
    kellyst is offline Registered User
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    thank you soo soo much. didn't really ease my fears, kind of reconfirmed it :P but it's really good, at least to get a glimpse of what's coming, i know there will be nights i'll be crying about short-changing them as well, but i'll remember these postings.

    thanks much for sharing ladies, really appreciate it!

  6. #6
    barbwong_130 is offline Registered User
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    I’m a firm believer that the best gift you can give your child is a sibling (maybe that’s why I’ve got four kids). A sibling is a gift for life. It is someone that you will always be able to turn to no matter what – someone who understands because they were around when you were little. This doesn’t mean that they will always get along but they are always there.

    So in those difficult moments when you feel that one of your children is getting short changed because you need to spend time alone with the other one. Remember you've already given them a lifelong gift that will make up for any temporary separation or distraction on your part.

    Best wishes,
    Barb

  7. #7
    KatBoo is offline Registered User
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    Another tip (and this came directly from a clinical pshychologist who has two kids and also was the psychologist on 'house of tiny tearaways' on UK TV).....

    in the hospital, make sure that new bubs is not in your arms, but in his/her crib....and wait for your eldest to 'discover' him/her by themselves. Act as though it's no big deal really and focus on what they've done today or at school etc. Also, put pic of eldest in cot with bubs so that when he/she discovers bubs, s/he'll be pleasantly surprised that the new bubs is already looking at a picture of them.

    Aside from that - I have a 21 month gap between my eldest and his TWIN sisters (so there's even less of me for him). I put the girls onto a routine as soon as they were born. I also started implementing any new changes for my son before they were born ie, new nanny was in place well before. And tried not to alter his routine if it could be helped.

    Looking back, it must have been a hard time for him (he def got more clingy with his Daddy while I was in hospital)....but with such a small age gap between them I don't think it was long before he couldn't remember what life was like without them around.

    hope this helps

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