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How did you decide what was the right # of children to have in your family?

We have 2 and I don't know whether to have a 3rd. I am really undecided. On one hand I think that the more sibling the better as if the 2 don't get along as adults, then it is easy to not keep up a relationship (as has happened with my husband and his brother), whereas they more siblings you have the less liekly the family is split up as there will always be one you get along with.On the other hand I worry about how I can realistically manage more than 2 children, esp. when the are older I need to drive them around all the time, more outside actiivtes, I already have trouble with that and they are only 1 and 3, but I have no baby sitter, and no family so it is hard to juggle everything by myself. I grew up in a family with 4 children and my husband 2. He sees most of his old Hong Kong friends only having one child. He wants 2 but I don't know!

[barbwong_130]

We didn’t plan my first four pregnancies – they just happened! We did, however, plan my last one because everyone was so upset after I lost the last baby at 10 weeks. I must say in hindsight I really enjoyed the fact that they just came without the planning. When you don’t expect to get pregnant and then find you are you decide to do the best you can for the child. But when you actually decide to deliberately bring a child into this world you have a much bigger responsibility on your shoulders – at least that is how I felt about my last child.

I was glad that I had a fourth child as I’d been feeling incomplete after the third child and having the fourth made me feel that I’d had the right number. And I don’t feel a need to extend my family – I will wait for grandchildren now.

I would give yourself a couple more years and see how you feel then. Your children are still very young (and one still a baby really). It might be difficult to imagine wanting to have a third now while your days are so full. But maybe in two or three years when your older ones are more independent and doing things like extra classes, sleepovers, etc. without you it will be easier to think about.

Although I often talk to mothers with babies close together I think it really benefits children to have big age gap too. There are 13 years between my eldest and youngest. (Having a baby when you daughter is just hitting her teens is excellent contraception education - there is no way my daughter wants to have a baby yet.) I won’t say it is always easy to have toddlers and teenagers in the same house but then having three under five isn’t always easy either.

I guess what I’m trying to say is wait until you really feel the need to extend your family before doing so. And if you feel that need don’t let an usual age gap or family structure put you off. There are benefits and problems with all options – just try to look at the benefits of your circumstances.

Best wishes,
Barb