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Parents giving up adopted child

  1. #57
    shaanmom is offline Registered User
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    This really boils my blood!! We adopted our son at 4 weeks and absolutely cannot imagine or dream of "giving him back" even in our wildest imagination! My husband has said that he would probably not have loved his own (natural) children as much as he loves our son. There is no, absolutely non whatsoever, reason for anyone to abandon a child, much less an adopted one! We are now looking into adopting a 2nd, and it's people like these that make it so difficult for genuine cases like ours to adopt overseas. It took us over a year of home study, then another 1/2 year after we identified him to finally complete the paperwork & bring him home. Shame on these "diplomats"! They just took advantage of their status (after all, as diplomats they would "rank" higher than us regular people in terms of credibility in the eyes of the adoption authorities), and when it was convenient just dumped her in a 3rd country and jetted off home leaving behind their mess.... On top of that these are educated, wordly people who should know better! At 7years, it will be harder for this poor girl to be adopted (most adoptive parents prefer babies) and on top of that for her to adjust to a new family, environment..... What recourse does she have? Aargh, so frustrated when I read how people take children for granted!!!!!!!

  2. #58
    barbwong_130 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leeah's mom View Post
    the Koreans who abandoned the girl in the first place should be blamed
    Are you saying that all parents who place children for adoption are to be blamed? And that under no circumstances babies should be adopted and that always it is better to be with the biological mother?
    Do you realize how self righteous you sound?
    Please for a minute imagine that you are not the middle class of an affluent city.

    I hope that when you daughter is 15 she doesn’t have the agonizing decision between termination, adoption or life as a single parent.

  3. #59
    Leeah's mom is offline Registered User
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    what I meant was..

    I am not saying that all parents who abandon their children are to be blamed..

    Every parent has a reason for not being able to keep their own children ! And It's not always better to be with the biological parents.

    In many cases, adopted kids grow well and live happily.
    Also the adoption is another chance for the people who can't have babies or want more babies. A friend of mine adopted a kid eventhough she could have a baby.

    But That girl could have lived happily if she was not abandoned in the first place if she hadn't meet her second parents like the ones . you know what I mean?

    Some children in Africa like being with their families even though they have nothing to eat.
    what is a family for??? Whenever you are sad or happy, family members always support you whatever other people say.

    Every case is different.
    You don't know the reason why the girl's biological parent give her up. It could be the money or something else.

    Also I am not in the middle class of an affluent city myself.

  4. #60
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    there's no way in the world that you could say that she would have been happier with her biological parents. we have not one piece of info about her biological parents. not only that, she was adopted as a very young baby. she will not have any memory of those people at all.

    i can't imagine the state that i'd have to be in to give up my kids. but women do it. they must do it for a reason. they must truly believe that their child will be better off in an adopted family. this is what is heartbreaking. this dutch family were supposed to be the "safe" place for the girl. that is what being a family should be all about. a place and people that you KNOW that you are SAFE from the big bad world. this dutch family have completely destroyed this idea for this poor little girl. she now has NOWHERE safe to land after a fall. i wonder if she will ever feel loved and cherished? what a truly awful way to live... with the belief that you MUST be unlovable. your own parents gave you up. if your parents, your safety net can't love you, then who possibly could?

  5. #61
    barbwong_130 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leeah's mom View Post
    Also I am not in the middle class of an affluent city myself.
    Sorry should I have said upper class?

    Hong Kong can definately (by anyone's judgement) be considered affluent.

    And Hong Kong's median household income - that is the household income that 50% of people have less than and 50% of people have more than - is HK$15,500 a month.
    Last edited by barbwong_130; 12-15-2007 at 10:09 PM.

  6. #62
    Leeah's mom is offline Registered User
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    ah

    I don't think whether I am in the middle class or upper class or lower class is that important!!!

    I just can't understand why we have to have this kind of conversation.

    People understand things differently, not evreyone thinks the same way even with the same matter !!!!

    I think my english is not good enough , so my thread is causing misunderstanding!!!!

    probably from now on, I will just shut my mouth.
    Last edited by Leeah's mom; 12-15-2007 at 11:14 PM.

  7. #63
    sunniefaith is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leeah's mom View Post

    In many cases, adopted kids grow well and live happily.
    Also the adoption is another chance for the people who can't have babies or want more babies. A friend of mine adopted a kid eventhough she could have a baby.

    Some children in Africa like being with their families even though they have nothing to eat.
    what is a family for??? Whenever you are sad or happy, family members always support you whatever other people say.
    We are adopting a child even though we have not tried 'making our own kid'. Our rationale is that we want to provide a home for a child that is in need. We want to provide for a child materially and emotionally if the child's parents can't provide for the child. But in saying that, there is lots involve. I work with kids and I understand that it is not going to easy task but I want to save a child.

    This leads to my next point. How can you say that a poor and starving child will be happy in Africa starving with his or her family? Nothing to eat, no clothes and they are going to be happy with their parents when their basic needs are not met? Have you been to Africa and see these children yourself? I've not but my aunty went there and she met an African that was adopted by a Sporean and Kenyan couple and the child told my aunty that he is much happier in his new family. And how sure are you that ALL family members are supportive? Have you heard of parents that are abusive towards their children and they would probably be better off in another family? I've worked with enough children to say that. It's sad and it breaks my heart when I know of children who will definitely be better off living in another family.

    Parents who know of a fact that they are not going to be able to support and give up their child with the hope and understanding that they will go to a loving family (unlike this Dutch family) love their children the most. They want to give them a life that they know that they can't give them. Are you also suggesting that girls that give birth in their teens to keep their children and continue with their wayward partying lifestyle? Or couples that can barely afford food for themselves to keep their child just because the child will be happier? And will the child be truly happier?

    To me, what you wrote is a little baffling.

  8. #64
    elmo is offline Banned
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    Two sides...

    Gosh, what a lot of angry opinions about this case. When I first read about it, I too was angry but my husband, being the calm, rational one asked a lot of questions that made me think that it's probably not all what it appears to be.

    As the days go past, more and more truths start to emerge. The newspapers always like to sensationalise things. That's a fact. First they made it sound like it's just happened, when in fact, the girl was handed over to HKG authorities almost 7 months ago. Then they said that she can only speak English and Cantonese, but in today's paper, it's revealed that she does indeed speak Dutch. Then they said that the mother had two kids of her own after adopting this girl, but the truth is she already had a boy, then they adopted this girl, then they had another boy of their own.

    Stop believing everything the papers tell you. They almost always spew out half truths.

    I'm not going to believe the reasons given at present as to why the girl was given up until the Dutch diplomat himself gives a full statement someday. I'm not going to believe what the Indonesian maid said about how the girl was treated differently. If the journalists had gone to her and said that something really good had happened to this child, then she'll probably be saying glowing things about the adoptive parents.

    From the msnbc report....

    "When we moved from Jakarta to Hong Kong in 2004, medical specialists diagnosed that my daughter suffers from serious bonding problems," Raymond Poeteray and his wife Meta wrote in a letter to De Telegraaf on Thursday. Poeteray now works at the Dutch consulate in Hong Kong.

    The couple said intensive family therapy had not helped, and the situation began to take a toll on the entire family. They said that contrary to media reports, they had not intended to give her up formally and still considered her their daughter.

    "The situation developed such that in mid-2006 on the advice of medical specialists, social workers and the adoption organization Mothers Choice and the Hong Kong social services, it was decided that Jade be placed in temporary care.

    "Though the specialists now think it is not possible that Jade can be brought home, we continue to hope," they said, adding that all the negative publicity surrounding the case was making things worse and begged to be left alone.

    The diplomat in the article above, says they continue to hope that she can br brought home.

    Nuff said!

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