[barbwong_130]

When I was a new mother I had the same worry “How would my baby get to sleep without me?” I was on my maternity leave but had to return to work soon and every time my daughter needed to sleep I feed her.

I went to my first LLL meeting when my daughter was five weeks old and a second time mother there said a throw away line but it was a lifesaver for me, “Everyone has a different way to settle a baby.” And it is true. As a breastfeeding mother my way was to feed her to sleep. My husband would hold her up on his shoulder and talk her to sleep. My mother would rock her to sleep and my father gentle pat her to sleep (we lived together with my parents for six months while my daughter was a baby).

When I started work these other ways worked but when I was home I continued to feed her to sleep. This was more for me than anyone else – I loved the excuse of feeding the baby to getting help with all the other household chores! There is no better way to get my husband to help than saying. “I’ve going to feed the baby now, could you take over making dinner? I’ll come and help once she’s asleep.”

Little babies don’t have habits – they have needs. Can your baby go to sleep by herself now? If not then she already has the “habit” of needing you to help her get to sleep. She may or may not still need your help as she gets older. But wait until it is a problem for you before you try to change things. Babies change as they grow. Just because she does something at three months there is no guarantee that she’ll do it at six or twelve months.

Do you know about the arm test for sleep? Lift the baby’s arm up – if it is a dead weight and falls straight down – then the baby is asleep. If there is any resistance then the baby is still awake (even if she looks asleep).

Don’t worry about worrying. It is part of the motherhood package – we’d question whether or not you were really a mother if you didn’t worry. And remember worrying works – almost everything you worry about doesn’t happen!

[carang]

of course every mother worries. all i was saying was that it seems that poor fenno (sp?) is worrying about everything (which is perfectly normal for some mums) and by doing so, she might be missing the "good stuff" and the enjoyment that comes with being a first time mum. you will NEVER have this chance again. don't waste it all worrying about every little thing that comes along.

some mums tend to read too much. they read so much, they forget to follow their own instincts. a mother's instincts are very strong. try relying on them a little more and less on books. i dont' deny the help the many garner from reading books, but many people seem to forget that the baby HASN'T read any of the books. they are a living breathing little being and have wants just like the rest of us.

again, ENJOY your baby!

[bekyboo44]

I have to agree with cara...I read a lot about caring for a baby before my son was born, only to use very little of it once he arrived!

And why? Because I found that what worked best for me and my son was relying on my instincts.

I think it is too easy to get bogged down in what the books say and what other people recomend....I found none of it worked with my son, where his sleeping was concerned, for example.

My son had to be breastfed to sleep for the first 9 mnths of his life, and only when he was weaned at ten mnths did he sleep through the night......but that was what he needed to do....people kept telling us to try this, to try that to try and get him to sleep by himself, and for longer periods....but none of it worked!

I went with my instincts and am so glad I did. Now at 17 mnths he sleeps for 12-13 hrs a night, and is a happy, happy toddler!

Once you start relying on and trusting your instincts they become stronger and stronger.

[wasabibunny]

I think the best way to know if a baby is finished suckling for milk is to see if they are swallowing after sucking. Initially my baby (10 weeks old) will swallow after every suckle once the milk lets down. However, as he empties the breast it turns into one swallow every 3-5 suckles. If he sucks while asleep, sometimes he doesn't swallow for 10 or more suckles AND he takes little breaks between suckling. There are many websites with videos that will show you the signs of a baby that is really feeding and not comfort sucking. Make sure you are in a quite room so you can hear the swallow. My son sometimes falls asleep while latched and will wake up if I unlatch my breast but that is ONLY during the day. At night he seems to have no problems staying asleep. He usually sleeps form 7pm till 5am.

[Sage]

Asleep from 7pm till 5am at 10 weeks old. What a good boy! I'm so jealous. I still had to feed my bub once between 7am-7pm until she was weaned at 6 months.

[carang]

mine was the same at 10 weeks.... now she's 14 months and she wakes AT LEAST once per night.

[LLL_Sarah]

There are videos on Dr. Jack Newman’s web site at http://www.breastfeedingonline.com/newman.shtml
which show babies drinking. Look under the heading of Latching.

You should be able to see the baby drinking in bouts of large, slow jaw movements. If the baby is doing shallow, rapid movements, which only move her lips and not the jaw, the baby is comfort sucking.

Remember that comfort sucking is also useful for the baby and helps she develop emotionally. But if your baby is doing a lot of comfort sucking and you need/want to do something else then it is fine to cut down on the amount the baby does.

It is also helpful to have the support of a second non-lactation adult (usually the baby’s father) around. One problem breastfeeding mothers have is that they smell of milk. So whenever the baby is a little disturbed (like when you are putting them down in a cot) they wake up a bit, smell the milk and naturally want some more - just like we think of eating cookies when we smell them fresh from the oven.

If the baby is full and tired but not asleep give her to the non-lactating adult – who doesn’t smell of milk. Then the baby is much more likely to fall asleep (or play) with out asking for more milk.

Best wishes,
SARAH

[fennho]

Originally Posted by barbwong_130

Can your baby go to sleep by herself now? If not then she already has the “habit” of needing you to help her get to sleep.

Barbwong
wow! So nice to have a baby that is so flexi to fall asleep thru so many ways (rocking by grandma, patting by granddad). And yes, to your question, my gal CANNOT go to sleep by herself, she either needs rocking OR nursing at my breasts to go to ZZZ land.

bekyboo
my gal is sleeping from 9-ish to 5-6am now. We're lucky. But it's the "getting to sleep" part that worries me. When u weaned him off, how did he get to sleep? By himself?

Sarah
Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, when my gal is tired at night, she doesnt like my hubby to carry her...she'll be screaming no matter how my hubby comfort her. Dunno if it's the way he carries her. The only other non-lactation adult i have in my house is my mom, but that option is now out as she has injured her hand from carrying my bb, so doc has advised her not to do it anymore, so that left me.

Now, can u all understand how stressed up i am? It's not that i dont want to enjoy this journey of early motherhood, just that sometimes i'm too tired. Having said that, there are moments i look at her and jus melt. :)