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accident

  1. #9
    HappyV is offline Registered User
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    mintycat - I'm sorry if you've chosen to read my post that way.

    if you only want to hear one kind of opinion, then posting a question on a public forum isn't any guarantee.

    Of course, I am sorry for your daughter. I do not think your helper's attitutude is acceptable. How you run your family and your household is your business, and you did ask "So I am wondering if I release her immediately, do I still have to pay her one month even though she caused an injury to my baby?" This is the question I was responding to. And, (I'm not 100% sure on this - you may want to check) I think that unless you have the police charge her, that you do have to hold to the contract and give her the month. To point this out isn't 'taking the helper's side' - it's simply pointing out your (legal?) obligations to your employee. In your second post, you've said that you won't fire her yet, but your original post made this seem like a possibility.

    I'm not a fan of comparisons between the relationships between helpers and their employers, and between the employers and their own bosses at work. Helpers are generally more vulnerable to exploitation (not that I am in any suggesting that you are exploting her - I am just making a general point about the legal protection and resources available to helpers as opposed to other contract workers). Your relationship with your own boss is bound to be more professional - that's the difference between working in a business, and working in someone's home. The relationships are completely different, and bound to be frought with many more complications and subtleties.

    Just for the record - I did not mean that if you had been looking after them that it wouldn't have happened - I just mean that accidents happen to everyone. I worded it badly.

    I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I hope your duaghter's hand heals up OK.

  2. #10
    mel_g20 is offline Registered User
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    In my opinion, your daughters/ childrens safety comes first above anything. Plus when we leave our children with someone we trust them to tell us when accidents happen, so that we can deal with them. Accidents can happen in both a parents or helpers care. However, she should have been upset by what happened and remorseful, even if it was an accident. As a parent, that is the natural reaction. If she had acted upset and remorseful, I wouldve felt more comfortable. As she chose to try and hide it, i think this is of concern. What if the baby knocks her head and doesnt tell you, or swallows something she shouldnt. She must be willing to tell you. If you feel anyway uncomfortable with her, and feel you can not trust her fully with your children, then I personally I would, following the correct procedures, look for a new helper. The decision must come down to you, and whether you can still trust her 100% with your children.

  3. #11
    mintycat is offline Registered User
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    Happy V - When I wrote my first post, it was because she had first suggested that I release her if I was not satisfied with her. And with that kind of attitude, I did think about it. I am more than willing to pay her one month. I am just posting that question to see if that still applies if she was the one who did something wrong that caused the termination (as my friend had brought it up). Then in the morning, she acted like nothing had happened and her bad attitude was gone, so that was why I reneged and decided that termination was not a probability anymore right now.

    Of course I know there will be varied opinions on a public forum and perhaps I did read your post the wrong way, maybe I am very sensitive right now because I am still reeling from what happened.

    Fair enough you don't want to compare relationships between employers and helpers / employees. My point is I was completely shocked at her attitude because normally she is a very sweet and nice person but suddenly she turned around and acted completely different. That actually shocked me most out of the whole incident.

    mel_g20 - Yes I also would've felt better if she had shown more remorse.

  4. #12
    spockey is offline Registered User
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    I am already in such a miserable state seeing my daughter with a hugely bandaged hand, she has to go to the doc to change the dressing every 2-3 days and I was told it will take 10-14 days to heal and I am dealing with a helper with an attitude problem and here you go picking on me telling me that nothing would've happened if I were to look after the kids myself.

    I'm sorry but if the hand has to be bandaged, this is simply not an accident. Turning the cold water tap on and not checking the temperature is an accident. How many of us have done this to ourselves and NOT ended up in the hospital? I have for sure. If the bub was crying and the helper ignored the cry then that's negligence. Instinctively WE ALL know that if a baby's cry is a sign of distress. The helper here did not check.

    Icing on the cake, shows no remorse (Quite typical of them to be on the defensive). Her behaviour is unacceptable given that this is beyond an accident.

    I'm a working mum. If I feel that I can't trust the helper, out the door she goes. There's thousands of them and a GOOD find is RARE. So, if she's so blaze about it all, she ain't worth it. BTW, given that there is a doctor's report, you don't have to give her the month's notice to send her packing.

    The whole unpleasant situation could have been avoided had she simply been remorseful. It's a pity she's decided to be on the defensive and show her true colours. Always happens.

  5. #13
    cool-gaga is offline Registered User
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    Mintycat - I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and I hope she recovers soon.

    I am with spockey and mel_g20. Accidents I can take but showing no remorse and being defensive is unacceptable. To me it's a sign that she is not genuinely a pleasant person. I would have been in tears, worried and apologetic if I had done this to a child.

  6. #14
    val23 is offline Registered User
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    So Sorry to hear that

    Hi Mintycat,

    I agree with Spockey. Her actions may constitute negligence. You may as an option if you really feel like it have a police investigation. Your child cannot defend herself right now so it's really up to you to defend her. Second degree burn is not a small thing.

    What appals me the worst is her after action attitude. If she shows no remorse/guilt at all, I really don't think she is a very pleasant person. I would let her go, get her a plane ticket back to wherever she comes from.

    If somebody here thinks that my suggestions are harsh, try being in the child's position, going through an unnecessary traumatic experience early in life plus scars or possibly surgery later on.

    Anyway, good luck to you.

  7. #15
    mintycat is offline Registered User
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    That's exactly how I feel, Spockey. The more I think about it, the more I think it's a case of carelessness and negligence. As Carang said, many of us have burned ourselves (and in my previous post I also admitted to accidentally turning on the hot tap water on my 3 year old) but ending up with a second degree burn? If the helper's hand was under the tap too, she could've pulled my baby's hand away after a few seconds, but the fact that her own hand was not under the tap meant that my daughter's hand was there for quite some time for it to result in a second degree burn even though she was screaming and crying. She is a 13 month old, not like my 3 year old who can tell me the water is hot.

    I feel so sad that my baby cannot enjoy all the things we have planned like going to the water park, playing at the water table in the backyard, even bathing is a struggle now because I have to wrap her bandaged hand with saran wrap and then plastic bag every time and I need another person to help hold her hand up so as not to get water anywhere near the hand (doctor's advise).

    Thanks for all the advise.

  8. #16
    capital is offline Banned
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    Do you trust her anymore?

    If you don't it is just not going to work out. You will second guess everything. If you do trust her you can go on from here.

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