- 10-08-2008, 09:19 PM #33
well, beky, i agree with some of what you have said, but i had an instance of my normally VERY well behaved son....
for weeks on end, he kept going up to my younger daughter (about 13 months at the time) and grabbing her around the throat, from the back to give her a "hug" however, when he did it he kept trying to pick her up (so his hands were under her chin).... i TRIED everything to get him to stop. i tried gently taking him away and explaining the problem to him, i tried my STERN, MAMA'S ANGRY NOW voice, i tried time-outs, i tried taking toys away....EVERYTHING!!!
finally, one day, i was coming down the stairs and saw him doing it again, except this time he had picked her off her feet and she was starting to turn purple in the face. so, i did it to him. he didn't like it at all and started crying, even though i hadn't been rough...it was the ONLY thing that made him stop. he hasn't done it since and will never do it again. the thing is, he didn't KNOW it hurt. no matter how much i told him that it did and that it was dangerous, he didn't believe me.
i know, he wasn't doing it to hurt her, he was trying to show affection. but there are times that desperate actions call for desperate measures.... this was one of those times.
after it all happened, i was VERY upset. i called my mother in tears telling her what a horrible mother i was. she rightly calmed me down and said that sometimes kids need a dose of their own medicine to realise just what it is they are doing. she was right.
- 10-08-2008, 09:23 PM #34
ps> i never used a physical means of discipline until after my child turned 3. before that he was one of the best behaved children i've ever met... then he turned 3 and his inner monster surfaced! LOL! Just joking, he's still really well behaved... most of the time...
- 10-08-2008, 09:37 PM #35Registered User
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
- Discovery Bay, Hong Kong
Cara- I think the situation you described is a unique one, and one which required extreme action- and I suppose that is the challenge of parenting, responding to whatever comes our way, as it comes.
As for why I don't believe in smacking-
1).Because like mumto2 I don't want my child to think that smacking and any kind of physical punishment is ok. How can I tell him not to hit his friends when he's angry or frustrated or wants something, if I then smack him as a form of punishment? I think its hypocritical and seems to me too much like, ' do what I say, not what I do.'
2). I have never found it to be necessary (but have never been in a situation, like cara's for example). I have always found that a stern voice, a raised voice have worked- even in a dangerous situation. However I am not looking forward to the day when I can no longer just pick my son up and take him away from a situation....!
I don't see why I have to hurt him, however slight or momentary, to teach him right and wrong.
I also want him to understand right and wrong- I want him to know not to cross the road without holding my hand, not because if he doesn't he will get smacked, but because it is dangerous.
I want him to know that it is wrong to hit others because it is not nice, because it makes his friend sad- not because if he hits others, I will hit him back.
I realize this is not easy to do with a toddler but it's something I intend to persevere with.
Last edited by bekyboo44; 10-08-2008 at 09:46 PM.
- 10-09-2008, 01:05 PM #36MLBW Guest
I ran across this article:
Unfortunately, I think that in the United States there is a strong voice to legislate how parents raise their children and I agree very much so with the last sentence in this opinion piece.
- 10-09-2008, 01:41 PM #37Registered User
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- DB, Hong Kong
- 10-09-2008, 01:47 PM #38Registered User
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- DB, Hong Kong
with regards to why i don't smack...i think because
i remember seeing this skit somewhere years and years ago of a mum and naughty child and the child had just whacked his friend and the mum came over "we don't (whack!) hit (whack!) other (whack!) people!" ...I remember thinking the irony of the skit was hilarious and just never forgot how confusing it would be for a kid...also the whole "pick on someone your own size" always comes to mind...lol
Given everyone's situation is different with different little personalities we have to deal with...AND given that my daughter listens when I use gruff voice..if she didn't and was about to run across moving traffic, well I can't say for certainty I wouldn't whack her one out of fear and the hope that she remembered the whack and not do it again...I just don't know what I would do...
- 10-09-2008, 09:07 PM #39Registered User
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
- Sai Kung
Thanks for sharing moms. I have always taken the no smacking approach because I was smacked around as a child and resented my parents for it. I remember telling my friends something along the lines that my mom would just get mad, smack me, and then everything would be ok...
Just a question, if you smack, at what age will you stop smacking?
- 10-09-2008, 10:15 PM #40
funny... i was abused by my father, but for all of his physical abuse, what still REALLY bothers me was the emotional abuse i suffered from him. yes, i remember the physical abuse... being dragged around the house by the hair, wallopped so hard it was hard to sit.... etc... but it was the things he SAID to me that i continue to struggle with as an adult
as for my mum.... she would threaten the wooden spoon, but i don't EVER remember her smacking me. if she did, i had probably done something to warrant it. i don't have any negative memories of my mother...
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