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What is it like to have a DH???

  1. #9
    swedishmum is offline Registered User
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    thanks for your answeres. I guess I will try to make it on my own at first and if I feel that it is too much. Sweden is a very kid friendly country so Im used to making it myself. I guess I need to experiance the difference.
    If it is too much for me I will get a DH. Mostly I want a babysitter who can help me out every now and then. My husband will travel a lot and I want to at least be able to go to the gym a couple of times a week.

  2. #10
    bekyboo44 is offline Registered User
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    I find having a helper fantastic and I also am dreading the day we may have to leave HK and go somewhere where I can't have one!

    Yes, it takes time having someone in your home but for us the benefits of having a helper far outweigh any cons. It definetly helps if the helper has her own room, and then there is no need for her to hover when you want family time.

    I have a toddler and a newborn and having a helper allows me to spend all my time with them instead of having to worry about the cleaning, cooking etc. I HATE housework, don't know how to do it and have no inclination to learn!

    It also meant pre 2nd baby I had the freedom to work part time; and it meant my husband could go out of an evening on the spur of the moment as we use to pre baby!

    Because helpers are so common in HK it can be difficult to find a baby sitter in HK- not impossible but difficult.

  3. #11
    wanfamily is offline Registered User
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    Another question...
    I'm just about to hire a DH (this was the thread that helped persuade me ). I'm just wondering what people's DHs do at meal times...i.e. eat with the family or separately. We've checked that our soon to be DH is happy to eat what we eat, but after the food is prepared, do we invite her to join us, so expect her to eat alone in her room? On one hand, meal times are a very special bonding time for my family, so I would probably like privacy during this time. On the other hand, I'll feel a bit weird not at least inviting her to sit down with us. Just wondering what other people do and what DHs generally expect.
    Completely new to the whole idea of having help - so everyone's comments are really helping!

  4. #12
    bekyboo44 is offline Registered User
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    I think you do what you feel comfortable with.

    Growing up in HK our helper preferred to eat by herself, and so now I have a family of my own and our own helper, I am more comfortable with her not eating with us when we are at home. Dinner time is family time and a chance for my husband and I to catch up etc. when he comes home from work.
    Our helper is happy to eat by herself.

    I think your helper would be happy with whatever you decide.

  5. #13
    rani's Avatar
    rani is offline Administrator
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    Most helpers eat by themselves. Dinner is family time. :)

  6. #14
    NYCMel is offline Registered User
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    I just moved to HK as well and we are waiting for our DH to come from the Philippines.

    My husband and I ARE nervous about having someone around 24/7, but are also excited at the thought of regaining some of our life back. As most have said, if you want her to be completely involved then she can be. If you want her to take a more passive role, then she can as well. It's completely up to you. For me personally, I love spending time with my son and I love taking him to playgroup even though more than half of the adults are helpers. I love watching him and seeing him interact. I also enjoy doing some of the market shopping BUT, I cannot wait to go see a movie with my husband on a Friday night or have a dinner made when I am just too exhausted to cook.

  7. #15
    kmalia's Avatar
    kmalia is offline Registered User
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    I also find having a live in helper a very positive experience. I had a part-time helper for a year-and-a-half, but when we started planning a family, I wanted to hire a full-time live-in helper.

    You should be very careful in choosing your helper. Mine is the niece of my former part-time helper, who we loved and trusted. We hired her from the Philippines directly (she had never been to Hong Kong before) and, therefore, it was important for her to start with us before the baby is born so that she could get to know us, our family and Hong Kong!

    Although your helper is a 'stranger' at first, you will get to know her very quickly (if you take the time)! If she is a good person and genuinely interested in her job, she will also get to know your family and your personal preferences. Ask many questions when you interview - try to get to know the person rather than focusing on the skills they have. Someone who takes pride in themselves and their job will be a great helper.

    It definitely helps for her to have her own room - It allows her to truly enjoy her private time, and to have her own space to go to when she needs to rest or talk to her friends and family.

    My baby is due in November, but we have a small dog, so our helper gets up around 7am and feeds the dog, tidys up the living room/kitchen while we get ready. After we leave she tidys up our room, starts laundry or does some more 'deep cleaning' like windows, cleaning the refrigerator, etc.

    I do not work, but I do spend my mornings out of the house most days, at classes or meeting friends. If I am home, she works around me. I do feel lazy at times, but I know that I could not do as good and thorough of a job as she does - she is truly a professional - ironing sheets to a crisp, polishing silverware, dusting curtains (stuff I would almost NEVER do)! I did make a basic chore list for her (outlining daily, weekly and monthly chores) - but she always comes up with stuff I never thought of - like ironing sheets, or alphabetizing movies!

    She takes breaks whenever she wants, when the laundry is drying, or if the chores are light - she has a TV/DVD player in her room and we paid for half of a very basic computer - which she can use our wireless connection to chat with her friends or email. We also set her up with a nice bunk-bed with desk and armoire below - and I never enter her room without asking, it is her private space.

    Her job is normally finished after dinner (8pm or so) and she retires to her room. If we have a dinner party, and she stays up late to help, we tell her to take the next morning off, which means she won't start until noon or so. The only meal she cooks or assists with is dinner, and I usually give her advance notice if we will not be eating at home so she can arrange her dinner.

    She eats what we eat, but does not sit down to eat with us. We do have chats about her family, her church, her studies while we are cooking together, or if we run errands together.

    If you've ever hosted a work-study student, or been one - the situation is similar to that. You are exchanging room, board and a stipend, for work. You should respect your 'boarder', or helper's privacy, and provide them with a comfortable place to call their own. They, in turn, should respect your family's privacy and the work schedule or tasks that you have set.

    Hope that helps!

  8. #16
    Balvo is offline Registered User
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    Hi Swedishmum
    I love having the part time help with the house but do not have a live in helper. My main reason is that depending on your flat, you will find that the maids rooms are often TINY and I would feel a bit bad to feel someone was spending their spare time in there and therefore probably encourage them to come spend time with us and therefore have no privacy! I love having my space and home to myself.
    Good luck with the move and the pregnancy!

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