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What is it like to have a DH???

  1. #1
    swedishmum is offline Registered User
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    Question What is it like to have a DH???

    Hi
    Im moving to Hong Kong in two months with my husband and 1 year old son.

    I am wondering what it is like to have a DH? What it is like to have someone that you dont really know living in your home with you and your family?
    Do they get any sparetime during the evening? Do you give them working hours like say 8-7 and if so what do they usually do when they are not working? Do they hang out with the familyor do they usually have their own life in the evenings and on their day off?
    What if you just want to kick back at home while the baby is sleeping, isnt it wierd to have someone working away, I guess I would feel like I need to do something aswell:)?
    How much is the DH integrated in your familylife?
    What should I expect by getting a DH?
    I am on maternityleave right now and I probely wont work during my time in hong Kong so Im wondering if i really need a DH or if it is to much of an invasion of privacy?

    Im sure some of these questions might seem stupid but Im in the dark here.

    Thankfull for all answeres!!

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    every family is different, so the way they each interact with their helper is different.

    we LOVE having ours. she has been with us since just before my first was born.

    of course, she isn't perfect and neither is our relationship...

    she has her own room. we have bought her a dvd and paid for 1/2 of her tv. she does not have "cable" in her room, but is welcome to watch tv in the living room if we are not there. sometimes (very rarely) she watches with us...usually only american idol...she is also welcome to borrow a dvd from us.

    she works whatever hours we need. we do not have specified times.

    she usually gets up around 7am and gets the kids ready to come with me to my playgroup. she accompanies the children in the class. we often have lunch out. and when we come home, i watch the kids while she prepares dinner.

    sometimes, after dinner she gets the kids ready, sometimes i do. it depends on how much paper work i have to do.

    once the kids are asleep, she does the dishes (not too hard, we have a dishwasher) and then her own thing.

    a DH is FANTASTIC for hk. it is not a very child friendly place and having that extra set of hands is invaluable!

    after having ours, it will be very hard going somewhere that doesn't have DHs!

  3. #3
    rani's Avatar
    rani is offline Administrator
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    I love having a DH! Its great not having to worry about household chores and I can spend more time with my child.

    Our DH has been with us now for 4 years and has really become part of our family. She doesn't have any fixed working hours and is there when we need her. She normally finishes work between 8- 9pm. She doesn't go out in the evenings. She either chats on the phone, or watches movies. She has her own tv/dvd player. She's slowly going through our DVD collection. She watches TV with us from time to time, American Idol and some other fav family shows.

    Daddy definitely feels the invasion more than me. He can't walk around in his boxers.

  4. #4
    shaz is offline Banned
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    I am looking forward to the time when I don't need a helper - when my son is old enough to take care of himself.

    I miss my space, I miss knowing where things are, etc. etc.

    So in my case, role on role on..........I have never been really able to live at ease in my own place!

  5. #5
    peainpod is offline Registered User
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    I think like all new situations, it takes time to adjust and for you to work out an arrangement that's suitable for everyone. Generally speaking, I would say it affects the mom more, b/c of the territorial issues - but it also depends on your character.

    I'm a bit of a control freak so i found it hard having to "let go" of certain things i'm used to doing for myself. (For instance I still do the actual cooking altho our helper now does all the tedious stuff like food prep and washing up).

    It also depends on how big your home is. Our current home was pre-baby/pre-helper so there is no maid's room and our helper is sleeping in the baby's room at the moment. But we are now looking to move to a bigger place and one of the criteria is it has to have maid quarters. I think it's a lot better for both you and the DH if she can have her own private space to retreat to when she is not needed.

    But space aside, a lot will depend on how intuitive your DH is in anticipating your needs. Ours is very good that way and she knows we like our private time with bubs when we are home (i'm a working mom) and she will usually stay out of our way (eg in the kitchen) and not "hover" around.
    Last edited by peainpod; 07-23-2008 at 11:25 AM.

  6. #6
    Frenchy is offline Registered User
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    I have a 8 months baby, a room for a helper, but no helper. I don't work and I like my privacy.
    We just have someone coming 4 hours/week to help with the cleaning and ironing, and the rest of the week I cook, clean, do the grocery shopping myself.
    It will also depends on your appartment and the situation of the helper's room. Some are well situated, with a lot of privacy. We just use the helper's room for storage.
    If we have another baby, I'd probably have someone to help a bit more, like part time, but even if you get used to the helper's system/culture once you live here, it still seems strange to me to have someone living with you
    24/24.

  7. #7
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    it isn't any stranger than having a room-mate when you are younger, except this room-mate cooks and cleans!

    if you can get used to having a room-mate or a flatmate, then you can get used to having a helper. you have no less privacy than you did when you were in uni.

  8. #8
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    what is nice, is the freedom that it allows.
    you can go anywhere, anytime as you have someone you trust at home to care for your kids... or if you take your kids out with you and leave your helper at home, when you come home dinner is hot and ready to eat!

    (sorry, can you tell how highly i prize my helper. she is a GODSEND for us. we would not both be able to work without her.)

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