[bekyboo44]

Hi- at seven months my son wouldn't go to sleep by himself and had to be rocked and rocked to sleep.

So many people told me to leave him to cry himself to sleep- we tried it once or twice but he would just cry, and cry for hours and be no closer to sleeping at the end of it.
In the end we just couldn't do it anymore, it wasn't working and it was heartbreaking to do.

What eventually helped our son sleep on his own was a dummy and a blankie and by 12 months old it was possible to put him to sleep in his cot with his dummy and blankie and he would fall asleep my himself. This also coincided with him weaning himself from breastfeeding, which is also when he started sleeping through the night! Something he never did until he wasn't breastfed anymore.

However now he's 21 months old and has a new baby sister and since she was born he has to have myself or my husband lie with him until he sleeps!

[hunhun_l]

my baby was in the same situation, I'm training her to fall asleep by herself lately. I was helding her to sleep before, but lately, it's getting harder, it takes a lot longer, she would twist her body and when i put her down, she would wake up and cry again. I'm getting tired of it so decided to do something about it.

I stay in the room with her very briefly, sing a bit to her. Then I leave the room. 1st night, she cried for 15 mins; 2nd night, 5 minutes...

I also found that one night when she woke up and cried; she cried a few seconds, then stopped for a second or 2, then cried another few seconds, then stop again. I think she just wanted to be picked up. At these night wakes, it's also getting harder and harder to put her back to sleep, so that night I didn't pick her up, she cried for 5 minutes, and went back to sleep; after that night she never wakes up at night.

She is 10 months. My thinking is that babies are smart, if you teach them a lesson, they will learn from it.

[MLBW]

I don't know which book was recommended because I didn't spot it in the replies above but I recommend "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg if you haven't read it already. I wish I had read that book prior to giving birth--it's definitely not a "cure-all" but it really helped my husband and I develop a plan--we read it when my son was about 4 months-old.

Personally, I found that the total CIO method only backfired on us and set us up for more trouble getting our son to sleep. It terrified him to be left to cry for long periods of time and he got panicky. So, gradually we have helped him develop more independence when it comes to sleep times. My son is eight-months-old now and he is at least 30 pounds (he was already 7 kilos when he was 4 months old!)--he's a very strong and tall baby--he is already starting to walk (started about a month ago) and can say a few words and phrases in both English and Cantonese (my husband is Chinese and I'm white). So, for us, packing him around and rocking him (especially since I have a herniated disc in my back) was not an option beyond 3 or 4 months.

I found that by establishing a routine for sleep times it has helped--at night, my son gets a bath from his dad when he comes home from work. Then after that he gets a bit of free time to play in the living room--usually his dad is tossing him up and catching him--then I take him into his room and we sit in a chair with a little lamp on and I read books to him--he is pretty wiggly so something he's not that interested but some books he really likes. After that I have a bottle ready for him and I feed him and sing to him and usually he falls asleep. But now that he is getting so big and tall, I just lay a pillow across my lap and let him lay on the pillow with his feet propped up against my stomach and I feed him--and then if he's still not asleep, I sway him back and forth using the motion of my knees. Sometimes just before he falls asleep, I put him in his crib and let him nod off. Recently he has started initiating naptimes more on his own which is good. We rarely deviate from this routine so our son is secure because he already knows what's coming next in his day.

I think that the book I recommended is good because it helps you kind of pinpoint what personality type your baby has and from there it's easier to come up with a strategy. Routine and strategy are really lifesavers, though.

[aussiegal]

I really feel that though it's lovely to rock your child to sleep and even lovelier to sleep with them it's really not good for the child. We're talking about setting up good sleeping habits for them for life, not just for a year or two.

What I would suggest, and it's something I did with both my boys is when they are babies let them sleep on your chest during the day. That way you have lots of extra cuddle time. They will get too big to sleep that way so enjoy it while you can. Nights however there should be few exceptions, baby in cot. This way you can differentiate between night and day with the days sleeps being a treat for both of you. Perhaps rocking your child to sleep every night for years is ok for you now but what about if you have more children, are you going to do it for all of them and when are you going to rest yourself? And what is it doing to your child? Is he/she going to become an adult that needs the tv on to sleep or sleeping tablets or someone holding their hand forever because they can't fall asleep on their own?

My two year old is a great sleeper. We've just started to have him share a room with his 1 year old brother. During the day I will let him sleep in my bed so he doesn't wake his brother who will be grumpy without enough sleep. If i'm home i will often hop in with him (i'm pregnant and exhausted!) but at night my bed is a no go zone. He tried to hop in once but was told that day time naps in mummy's bed are special treats.

So you can have special extra cuddles even when they are older but you have to do it in a way that they don't come to depend on it.