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Issues with helper

  1. #9
    clowe77 is offline Registered User
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    hi putput, i really agree with carang and lesliefu here. re the sexy issue, my helper also uses that word a lot around my baby but frankly i think it's cute and i'm not bothered by it! after all, is 'sexy' really such a dirty word? but that is purely my own opinion and i totally respect that you and many others may think it's not appropriate.

    it totally comes down to a style thing. i think some ppl would be fine with a helper like yours but others not so fine. if your style conflict with your DH is really a problem for you and she will not change after you speak to her (gently and not patronizingly), then maybe parting ways is the best way forward.

    btw, i completely agree with carang's first point about laughing off your baby's slips and falls. when my baby falls (and he has been doing that a lot!!) i find that when i make light of it, he sometimes doesn't even cry at all. in the past, i used to rush to him to soothe him everytime he fell or hit his head but that only made him panic and burst into tears. they react off your reaction. if you laugh and lighten up after their fall, they will learn not to overreact and that falling is not a big deal. it's part of babyhood :-)

  2. #10
    AndreaY is offline Registered User
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    I just had a similar conversation with my new helper about using "sexy". Obviously it's not a dirty word, but on the same token, I do not expect it to be said to anyone unless they are, whether this is from an adult or child. I definitely would not want my 2 yr old to go back to school and describe the other children or teacher as such. I just asked her not to say it to describe the children, cos they mimick everything. She understood why and hopefully will not do it again.

  3. #11
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    I agree with Carang's points completely. You need to laugh off your child's falls or your child will become a cry baby! One of my eldest son's first words was 'See!' He would say it whenever he fell down because instead of making a big deal out of his falls I would always say, 'see, I told you you would fall etc'. He's now a tough, little chap, just as I want him to be for when he enters school and has to look after himself. Kids that cry for every little fall or scrape will have a harder time dealing with things when mum and dad aren't there to molly coddle them.

    Re- the word sexy. That's a common complaint and one simply of misinterpretation of the word as others have pointed out. You can easily rectify this by telling her not to use the word.

    The nosiness is not something I could deal with. Our helper is part of our family but that doesn't give her the right to ask inappropriate questions or do inappropriate things(like using your nail clippers- yuck!). I wouldn't ask my mother in law some of the questions she asks you and I don't go around reading other people's christmas cards or asking how much a pedicure cost.

    Is this your helper's first contract? Maybe she doesn't know how to behave. If not, I'm not sure these last things are anything that can be dealt with through talking. If you're nosy you're nosy!

    At the end of the day when it comes to deciding whether to terminate a helper or not the decision comes down to you. It is your house and you should be comfortable in it. What might be tolerable for some will not be tolerable for you.

  4. #12
    val23 is offline Registered User
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    I actually do not agree with some viewpoints here. When somebody falls or gets hurt, I think laughing at it is very insensitive. I don't think I'd want my child to laugh at other people tripping or falling.

    As for the other stuff, just tell her upfront what u want and what you don't want her to do.

  5. #13
    Neha is offline Banned
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    kids falling and u laughing is no big deal we do it our kid as we dont want him to dwell on the fact for too long. get him distracted.

    Other stuff it is better u talk to her and clarify

  6. #14
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    Val I'd say it's all a question of how bad the fall is. Of course if the child is really hurt it is not right to laugh but parents who turn every little fall into a drama are setting their children up for a life of attention seeking neediness.

  7. #15
    val23 is offline Registered User
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    Aussiegal, there is a distinction between drama and just a little "are you ok?"/ "be careful next time". I think if we see a fellow fall in public, I think laughing at him/her would be inappropriate wont you say? Thus I always tell my kids not to laugh at others whether it is a big deal or not. I see some people (not kids) laugh at other's misadventures and I think this is just bad taste. If you agree with me on this, then don't you think it's good to instill proper training while they are still young?

  8. #16
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    there is a difference, val, between a giant belly laugh and a...
    "oh, ho ho... up you get...dust off your hands... you're ok!"

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