[bbT]

Is it common for most overseas Chinese to give money to parents? My husband's parents expect it but mine don't as they feel that we have our own family to take care of. I know some of my local cousins give a certain percentage to their parents on a monthly basis. What do other people do?

[carang]

my husband's brother gives, we don't.

we've never had any "extra" with 2 kids, my b-i-l doesn't have any kids.

[katyw]

Yes we do even with 2 children in school. Both of my SIL's and BIL give them money monthly too and they have no kids. I think it's pretty much expected here but mine are like yours, wouldn't even dream of accepting.

[nicolejoy]

My husband is Chinese and I am anglo-Australian. He likes giving money to his parents. His parents are separated and his dad doesn't "let" us give him money - but his mum kind of expects it, I think. I know it's not my culture, but I totally don't understand why we give them money when we're the ones struggling with a young family and a mortgage and we could do with every extra penny!! But his parents are both quite "stable" financially. His mum goes on 6+ international trips each year and owns a very nice house in one of Sydney's most expensive areas. Anyways I know it's a cultural thing and if my husband doesn't give, he feels like a bad son - and even though I don't get it and don't like it, it's important to me that he feels good about himself - so if it takes giving money to his parents, then I'll do that for HIM, not for THEM ;)

That's probably the cultural difference that we have the most tension about though!!

[val23]

My husband (local chinese) used to give to his mum. Now that we have 2 kids, we dont really have any spare. Besides his parents are a lot more well-off than us. As for me (overseas Chinese), my parents don't expect it and would never dream of accepting it. They are the ones who ask me if I need some money. I wouldn't accept it either.

[cesh]

My Chinese mil spends more time trying to figure out ways to give us money without us noticing (and us trying to give it back) - she definitely doesn't expect money from us. That being said she has much more social, medical and financial support as a retiree in Australia than she would in HK or mainland.
I think it's such an individual thing now that only you can make the decision.

[bbT]

It is a personal thing and I forgot to mention that his mom is local, which is why it seems to be expected on her part. Like the previous poster said, I go along with it for my husband. Just tough on a young family with kids of our own to take care of. Thanks for the responses, good to know I am not the only one who feels this way.

We give money to my parents-in-law and I have no problem with it--even though we are in the same boat as a few other posters here--young family just starting out with all the expenses that go along with that stage in life. But I do understand why we do it--it's a respect thing. It's a way to show honor to the parents--and with my husband's parents it isn't really about the money or even the amount--it's about the act itself. There are so few ways that Chinese parents can express or accept love from their children (talking about local Chinese parents--not overseas)--as physical touch often is missing (my husband stopped getting hugs from his parents or birthday cakes when he was about 7-years-old and this isn't uncommon) and they don't exactly "share their souls" with each other (every time any sort of "depth" of sharing in conversation develops with my in-laws they get really nervous and start spouting off advice to try to "clear the air" so to speak). So, giving money (and advice) seems to be an easier way for Chinese families to show and accept love. Thankfully my parents-in-law are not demanding in their attitude but we know what's expected. And we give it with a cheerful heart and see it as a blessing to show our love to them in this way. Also, this sort of thing is connected indirectly with showing respect for the elders and ancestor worship.