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Advice Needed - I found my MIL very annoying

  1. #17
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    ps> think about it another way...

    she feels about your husband the same way you feel about your baby...

  2. #18
    mscheerful is offline Registered User
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    Well, think about it, we will be MIL some days.... i better be nice now to let my children see me nice to their grandparents! after 9 years, our relationship is getting better each day!

  3. #19
    BabyC is offline Registered User
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    i will try to "suck it up" but that doesn't mean that i "like" my MIL's visit but it is just that i do it for my husband - i don't want my husband to be unhappy - that's all

  4. #20
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    that's fine... there's nothing to say that you have to like her. you do have to put up with her though.

  5. #21
    HappyV is offline Registered User
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    I have two boys, so it is my destiny to 'only' be a MIL.
    I think the key is that many MIL oscillate between beting compelte control freaks, or sitting back and doing nothing to help: my MIL is like this. If she does anythingm, it has to be 100% her way. Which, sometimes, is fine. But then when I really do need or would like some hlep, if she doesn't agree with what I am doingm, she won't help.
    Wen I am an MIL I will try to not be judgemental, but to offer advice without needing my DIL to take it....a hard road to tread.
    No matter how much I dislike someone, I could stand an hour a week! I would simply find a way to interact as little as possible without being rude.

  6. #22
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by HappyV View Post
    No matter how much I dislike someone, I could stand an hour a week! I would simply find a way to interact as little as possible without being rude.
    I agree with this. I mean, come on, the woman is the reason your husband and your baby even exist. My MIL is more often that not a real pain but I'd still hate for my children to not have her in their life. It's not really fair to them. All kids need family. They need to know their roots.

    I'd much rather be in your position where you see her for only an hour a week than what we have to go through, 3 or 4 weeks straight, live in every year!

  7. #23
    AndreaY is offline Registered User
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    I am a little curious what it is that makes you hate your mil so much, it's a little hard to understand your animosity at the moment. Your mil feels the same way about you? I am only reading what you have posted, but it seems like your husband sees thru the pretend smile. Maybe you are not as good an actress as you would like? Is there no way to work out your differences? Cos at the moment, it sounds like you are just harbouring your hate for your mil and seething inside, nothing is actually being done to ease the situation. I know mending a relationship is not just a one way thing, but if your mil is still coming round despite you making it obvious you don't want her there, maybe she would like to work it out too.

  8. #24
    MLBW Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by BabyC View Post
    i will try to "suck it up" but that doesn't mean that i "like" my MIL's visit but it is just that i do it for my husband - i don't want my husband to be unhappy - that's all
    Sometimes you just have to make yourself change your perspective. As long as you have a hostile attitude toward her, it will not only make you more miserable it will continue to create tension. If your goal is to "be right" then keep on doing what you're doing. If you're goal is to create a better atmosphere in your family, you're going to have to have a change of mind and heart and it starts by being a bit more humble. I know that isn't what you want to hear. If I was in your position I'd want to hear, "Yes, we all agree that your MIL is so annoying that she should just go away and never bother you again. And you of course do not have any responsibility to make this situation better--it's all her responsibility." Honestly, that's what I would want to hear but I don't think that's really reasonable to tell you that--because truthfully, if you take some initiative, and with your husband on board, set some healthy boundaries, you can be on the road to making this a better situation. Unfortunately, your MIL vanishing into thin air just because you don't like her is not likely to happen.

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