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Hopeless, still holding my son to sleep at 14 months

  1. #9
    sherwes is offline Registered User
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    Hi Adahc, I think that you need to decide what is making you feel lonely/unhappy with your current situation.

    Is it because you feel the weight of other people's expectations - i.e. you feel that others judge you because you still walk your baby to sleep at 14 months. If so, please don't worry. If this is the right thing for you and your baby just keep doing it - don't worry about what anyone else thinks. There are many different ways of mothering and there is nothing harmful about walking your baby to sleep (just as there is nothing harmful about letting them CIO so long as you follow the rules).

    However, if you are feeling lonely because you are really fed up with walking your baby to sleep and want to be able to go out for dinner etc, then I would really recommend thinking about giving CIO a go. I know that it's not for everyone but there is a version of CIO called "gradual extinction" or "graduated extinction" (sorry can't remember which but a google search will reveal lots of info) where you slowly train them to sleep. It's not as "harsh" as the more traditional CIO.

    Personally, I did CIO with my baby and it worked well. However, I know that it is not for everyone and each person needs to find the best thing for their situation.

  2. #10
    sherwes is offline Registered User
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    The other thing I should have mentioned is that it is possible to hire someone else to sleep train your baby if you don't have the stomach for it. I think Annerley can provide this service. From what I have read the parents are told to go out and the nanny/nurse stays with the baby for a few nights. Personally, I would find this more difficult than doing the sleep training myself but thought I should mention it.

  3. #11
    Koan is offline Registered User
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    My son is nearly 14mnths old, I nurse him to sleep most of the time. Sometimes now he doesn't fall asleep nursing, but will roll over when finished, and then I hug him until he is asleep.

    fenho said it best IMO. They will eventually learn to fall asleep on their own.

    To be totally honest I actually enjoy it. He's only little for such a short time, it's nice to be the one to settle him down and put him to bed. Yeah I have no social life after 6pm, but for me it's a minor price to pay.

  4. #12
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    adahc is offline Registered User
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    I am happy being with my son but I think that it is not healthy for him to be dependant for other people (in my case only me) in order to go to sleep. To me, and me only, that's not fair for him. I want to learning to teach him a loving and the gentle way possible how to put himself to sleep and that doesn't mean mummy doesn't love him at all.
    My back is gettig bad now and that surely indicate that its not good balance:)

    When I'm tired, I do feel alone, yes I do. So I reach out and ask for advise. And yes I feel that other mummies (in the playgroup anyway) seem to have no problem putting their kids to sleep anywhere. So I feel like I'm the odd one out.
    It's so nice to know I'm not alone!

    Thanks everyone
    Last edited by adahc; 03-19-2009 at 04:11 PM.

  5. #13
    sherwes is offline Registered User
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    Adahc, you really sound like such a gentle, loving and caring mum. Please don't think that anyone was suggesting that you are not happy being with your son. I love my son so much, more than I ever thought I could love anything or anyone and I love being with him but I also need my sleep and to go out for dinner sometimes. I don't feel that I am a bad mum for doing that and, if that's what you want, you shouldn't feel bad either. If you don't want to do that (like Geomum) then that is all good too. Everyone is different and the main thing is that you are doing what you feel is the best thing both for your baby and yourself.

  6. #14
    lylee is offline Registered User
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    hi, we also had lots of problem putting my daughter to sleep. she's now 6 mos old & we started sleep training her back in jan when she was 3 mos old. the reason why we decided to sleep train is because the first 3 mos was really difficult & tiring having to rock/carry/sing her to sleep. she would cry/scream/arch her back etc. & it took us sometimes over an hour to settle her. like you adac, my back was killing & i had to go to the physio. we tried cio once (for an hour) & swear will never do it again because my baby startled the whole night. then some of friends introduced us to the book "healthy sleep habits happy child" by marc weissbluth as it worked with their babies. we tried it out... it worked for 2 wks & then came chinese new year & my baby's schedule was all out of whack again. it took us another 1 mos to train, but still we had some difficult nights. was about to give up during that month. then my baby learnt how to roll onto her tummy & would play rather than sleep in her crib. tks to some advice from other mom's in this forum (ie. don't flip her onto her back & just let her be, take away the night light etc.) my baby is sleeping better now. it still takes her about 15-30mins to put herself to sleep, but at least it's much better than before. we just put her into her crib & then close the door. sometimes she'd cry, we'd go in to pat her or hold her a little. once she's settled, we leave her alone again. right now, she's having 3 naps during the day (ranging from 45mins-2hrs) & sleeps from ~8pm-7am.

    it's hard work! at times, i also felt a bit unharppy because my friend's babies all seem to sleep well, while my baby is so difficult. our schedule basically revolved around her's. also got a lot of pressures from in-law's about this structured schedule,early bedtime etc. etc. but i just tuned it out.

    after sleep training, my husband & i could sneak out for dinner once we put her in. i could also run errands during her nap times. we are definitely happier.

    this is just my experience. remember, after having a baby, there will be lots of advice/comments from others around you... just do what you think is best for your baby & your family. good luck!

  7. #15
    AndreaY is offline Registered User
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    I am sorry, but not all children will eventually learn to sleep by themselves (well, depends on when you mean by "eventually"). I know of friends' kids who still get up and go to their bed in the middle of the night and they are over 4 years old. Obviously if their mommies and daddies do not have a problem with that, it's fine. If you do, it will be easier to start sleep training when they cannot get out of bed by themselves. As for CIO for strong willed babies, my 2nd is one and even though she screams harder, she also learned much quicker.

  8. #16
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    fennho is offline Registered User
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    Andrea
    We are talking about going to sleep by themselves, not sleeping thru the night, it IS VERY normal for a 4yr old kid to wakeup in the middle of the night to look for parents. 4yr is still very young!

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