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Need to vent! frustrated with husband

  1. #17
    Hunter is offline Registered User
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    a mum, can you give me the contact of your marriage counsellor? To me, we are at the verge of getting a divorce too. We have a toddler and I am thinking to give our marriage a second chance, not for myself but for our kid.

  2. #18
    canadienne is offline Registered User
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    Could you get rid of your TV's? Say "I gave it away, because I felt like it was interfering with our marriage. I love you and I miss spending time together with you."

  3. #19
    Hunter is offline Registered User
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    yeah...i feel sorry for myself too.

    I can see that you are a very dedicated and stressful mom, plus you still need to work. Well, I wish I could work just that I can't find one.
    Being a full time mommy isn't easy, it is a 19-hr (5 hours sleep) a day, and 365 days a year type of job. but I always believe in the fact that we as human beings are not afraid of physical fatique, no matter how tired we are, as long as we have the unconditional support and understanding from our family, we can still maintain a happy family.

    BUt I am one of the unfortunate wives. Same as you, I have to do EVERYTHING, cleaning, going to the wet market, cooking, doing laundry, telling stories, playing with my son, bathing him, helping him to brush his teeth, tucking him in bed, and then washing the dishes, etc. and you know what the dear husband can be doing? He can sit there watch TV while I am working like hell. I just don't understand. How on earth a man can be that selfish?

    You know, it is quite a common thing to say in a romantic drama that the deeply in love couple would like to be couples again in their next life. Hell no for me. Now I kind of understand why there are so many violent cases that the wife killed the husband or vice versa. But don't worry, I won't do that, I won't ruin my life and my son's life for that crappy type of man.

    I wish I could have the financial ability to raise my son alone.

  4. #20
    a mum is offline Registered User
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    Hi Hunter, I moved from HK to Singapore over a year ago and have been seeing a marriage cousellor on and off here. But before I left HK, I went to one in Caritas at Caine Road. I have lost her contact but do a search online and you should be able to find.
    I strongly recommend you to go see one, whether it works or not ultimately, you feel that you have no regret coz you truly have done something to salvage your marriage. And in fact, after a few sessions, or even just the first one, you realised and understand more about men.. their thinking and behaviour, which makes you look at them in a different perspective and hopefully appreciate them more. For me, understanding the differences between men and women were not difficult, the most difficult part is constantly being reminded the differences, thus not so easily to start a fight.
    I am sure you feel better just after one or two sessions, cos then you have vented out all your frustrations and have listened by someone who can give you some concrete advice.
    I know how it feels and I have been through rough patches for years too, somewhat similar to what you have described. I hope it works out well for you too. Just to get yourself prepared though, this process is going to take months and things will not get better just over night after the sessions. Be patient and hang in there, for the sake of our children.
    Sth that I just searched on the website for you. Hope this helps.
    The H.K. Catholic Marriage Advisory Council (Caine Road Office of the Project on Training Parish Volunteers in Conducting Pre-Marriage Course and NFP Diocesan Project) Family Service

    Address: Room 502, Caritas House, 2-8, Caine Road, Hong Kong.
    Tel: 2523-3128, 2523-3682
    Fax: (852) 2523-3121

  5. #21
    akachan's Avatar
    akachan is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hunter View Post
    Now I kind of understand why there are so many violent cases that the wife killed the husband or vice versa. But don't worry, I won't do that, I won't ruin my life and my son's life for that crappy type of man.

    I wish I could have the financial ability to raise my son alone.
    Hunter,
    Are you saying you would murder your husband if you knew you could get away with it? Get some help immediately! You sound very disturbed and unhappy.

  6. #22
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    I think you`re just stirring up trouble there, akachan. Not a very positive or helpful remark.

    From all these posts about being dissatisfied with husbands, I have noticed that most of us complaining are the ones without helpers. Am I right? Not that I`m out to get a helper, but a lot of my own gripes come from all the things that I do around here that are either taken for granted, expected to be done as my `duty`, or exacerbated by a messy partner. The day the cleaning lady comes I`m a lot more relaxed.

  7. #23
    Hunter is offline Registered User
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    Thank you Shenzhennifer.

  8. #24
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    i remember seeing a show on tv and the wife/mother was complaining about the husband's complaining.

    she said, "he doesn't realise that the pile of laundry on the chair that he is complaining about is NOT the same pile as he saw this morning. i've done 4 loads of laundry since he left. he just can't see it. he seems to think that his clothes magically wash, dry, fold & iron themselves." or something to that effect.

    i think that the problem many women still face is that to many husband's their wife is "JUST a housewife" or "JUST taking care of the kid/s"... the husbands don't seem to understand exactly what this entails. the hubbies complain about working long hours, without thought to the wife who wakes in the night to feed the child, clean the vomit, change the diaper etc. they don't consider the fact that this same wife starts "work" the minute she wakes and doesn't finish until the minute she falls asleep. he complains that he has to put in so much OT, but doesn't consider that his wife works 18 hours per day and on bad nights, 24 hours per day.

    he complains that his boss doesn't appreciate the hard-work he puts in for the company, when he hasn't a clue what his wife does to make HIS life easier.

    THAT is what these wives are complaining about. they just want a, "gee honey, was XX this grumpy all day? that must have been difficult for you to deal with! you must be tired. Why don't you go have a nice long, hot bath? i'll watch junior for an hour while you relax."

    or maybe even, "wow, the house looks great! you take such great care of the family!"

    actually, all most of us want now and then is very simple...

    "THANK YOU!"

    just two words, but you'd think that they were expensive for how some husbands ration them out.

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