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Need to vent! frustrated with husband

  1. #25
    yuukalim0404 is offline Registered User
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    Cara- very well said! I think that's what I need at least :)

    Hunter- from reading your post, I could still feel your deep frustrations and I do agree prehaps going to a couseller will be useful at this stage since your other situation cannot change much at this moment ( ie get a helper or get a job immediately) Living day by day with this kind of angry thoughts makes one so pented up that sometimes it can even affect sleep and indirectly health and I am sure you will agree its not worth for that to happen to you.

    Just a quick update, I have to agree with Shenzhenifer that hired help makes a world difference, if possible.
    We recently signed on a fulltime maid as I will be going back to work and though she has not started till next 1-2months, mentally my mind has become MUCH more relaxed knowing help is coming soon. Btw though hubby does care and play with our baby after work, in terms of household help, he has became totally hands off since I am fulltime mom at home now! sigh!!

  2. #26
    Bumps Guest
    I believe that it is important for people - husbands and wives - to feel appreciated for what they do in the home. I always tell my husband how much I appreciate him making the bed, doing the dishes, picking up the groceries - basically anything that he does to help with the functioning of our home, I thank him. He too thanks me for what I do. It is not over the top... just a simple 'thanks' sometimes is the key. I also believe that EMPATHY makes a person feel loved and appreciated. And to say "I'm sorry"...... when called for.

  3. #27
    Frenchy is offline Registered User
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    Since we met, we always take 15 mn every evening to tell all about our day. We were doing it when we were both working, so we could vent our stress and have a nice evening without thinking about job matters, and we are still doing it, even though I'm not working anymore. Sure, telling about the laundry, and grocery shopping, and taking the kid to playgroup etc is not as exciting, but it's my life, and I have no reason not to tell about all the things I'm doing everyday.... that way my husband knows what my days are made of (and I'm quite sure he wouldn't change his place for mine, even though he is very supportive and share all the tasks when he is home), and I still listen to his work stories.
    And we also thank each others for... doing the dishes, and little stuff that both has been doing during the day. I know some people think it's ridiculous, and take that for granted (heard that from some people i know), but it just takes the little voice "I'm doing that every day and I'm so tired of it and he does not see anything" off my head ! ;)
    So... are we doing this because he is a supportive husband, or is he a supportive husband because we are doing this ? :D

  4. #28
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    "even though I'm not working"

    this is the biggest problem. Frenchy, you ARE working. you are just not earning for what you are doing. that in no way makes it less valuable than husband's contribution.

    i think that until women can learn to value themselves if they choose to work in the home, then it is very difficult for husbands to value it.

    ps> Frenchy, i'm not targetting you. just what you said because i think it epitomises the problem that many women face.

  5. #29
    Frenchy is offline Registered User
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    I understand, no problem. It was just a way to say I was not working in a company. I have no problem with being at home and I'm very happy about my situation, I'm not putting myself any pressure about working "outside"... and my husband understand how valuable my work at home is... that's the chance I've got.

  6. #30
    HK2008 is offline Registered User
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    This thread is getting more and more encouraging. All well said, ladies, especially Carang. You are a STAR. I used to say to my hubby back in Australia when we couldn't afford any help: I would be making more money than you are if we split my work into: a baby-sitter; a cleaner; a cook; a teacher; and the one who unconditionally love and care for the children: priceless...

  7. #31
    AmyH is offline Registered User
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    My husband used to be very non hands on and would just assume that he would have clean shirts for work and the house would be tidy etc..

    I was a full time mum then and things worked well for us in the house but then my husband was made redundant and I found a job so our roles became reversed where he stayed at home and looked after our son while I worked in an office.

    He suddenly appreciated every little thing that I did in the home and with our son. He managed to look after our son but the things he took for granted like the washing, ironing, hoovering etc were not done while I was working!

    When he got his current job and we moved to Hong Kong I again became a full time mum and was pregnant quite soon after arriving here. We now have two children and no helper but my husband really understands how hard it can be for me and often sends me out for the day on the weekend so that I can have "me" time and I also get at least one lie in on the weekend too.

    He really appreciated the things I do now and thanks me every day for the clean house, well looked after children, dinner on the table, clean shirts etc.

    At the time the redundancy seemed like the end of the world but I am glad that he got to "walk in my shoes" for a little while so that he could appreciate me and the things I do.

  8. #32
    louisouis is offline Registered User
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    Hi Hunter,

    Just want to say 'hang in there'! I understand your frustration. My husband is very unsympathetic and is my personal 'opposition party' in the house. Basically he opposes to everything.... where we get our groceries... when the baby should wake up... what I should hang on the wall... basically every single minute detail of life, he has and will have very strong oppositions to even though I know he does not really care. Basically he just like to 'throw a monkey spanner into the works' and stir stuff.... When I saw the comment about being a couple again in our next life like in those romantic comedies, I really laughed....Hahaha I agree what is the point.

    Very difficult to be in the same boat when you row in opposite directions. I am also trying my best to work on it and must profess, I do think about jacking it in sometimes... so hang in there Hunter, you are not alone.

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