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Need to vent! frustrated with husband

  1. #1
    yuukalim0404 is offline Registered User
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    Need to vent! frustrated with husband

    Grrrrrrr, I am feeling over the limit with husband of me. He is generally a quiet guy that does not express himself well. Recently our 8mths old baby has been more fussy and when I leave baby with him so that I can get some housework done ( we have no maid), baby just goes hysterical and cry and cry, but I just CANNOT understand why he cannot talk or pacify our baby with some words, songs or something??? he just carry her, put her in all sorts of positions but mouth shut....baby crys like there is NOONE besides her...so in the end, I still have to put everything down and pacify my baby who by then is so upset that I have a even harder time to calm her down...
    and if I tell him to talk to baby, he gets defensive and just clamps up further.....

    Just this morning, I finally managed to put baby to sleep after a long struggle ( she is a bad sleeper who wakes up at slighest of noise) and husband comes into room and starts to dust the funiture which though is a proactive move but TOTALLY at the wrong time, indeed he woke up baby....I whispered he should not do this at that time and maybe why not later when baby is awake ( beacuse usually he WILL be watching TV or PC)??? but he just refuse to take my advise and say he absolutely is not making any noise...BUT still he woke baby up...that made me so mad.....because he is NOT the one that will make baby sleep.
    Already, I am having very poor nights and totally lack of rest recently!!

    I just can't understand why this man is so totally inflexible and refusing to admit his simple mistakes. (yes there are several other examples)

    Sorry, just need to vent!! And seriously comtemplating a maid....

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    unlike most women, many men have not had exposure to caring for babies. even as a child, most girls are given dolls to play with while boys are given cars, dinosaurs, trains and the like (not that i agree with this at all!!!).

    also, i'm guessing that you care for the baby most of the time while hubby is out of the house "working".

    that being the case, he is trying to be helpful, but he just doesn't know how.

    when he was dusting, did you look at him with a snarl and sneer while whispering "what are you doing THAT for now??? can't you see i've just gotten her to sleep!!!!!" or did you calmly say, "thank you for trying to help, but i've just gotten her to sleep, maybe you could do that later. right now, why don't you help me sort the laundry?"

    do you see where i'm coming from?

    i am in no way implying that what you feel isn't real, but it may be your approach that is lacking rather than the effort on your husband's part. he probably doesn't talk to her because he doesn't know what to say. it doesn't come naturally to him to speak to someone who cannot speak back. he probably feels silly doing so. you need to encourage him. ask him to tell her a story instead of saying, "why can't you talk to her?"

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    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    and yes, if money isn't an issue, definitely consider a helper!

    it is wonderful that your time can be dedicated to your daughter instead of the tedious housework that take up so much time that could be better spent with her!

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    yuukalim0404 is offline Registered User
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    cara, thanks, I agree my approach may not be the most pleasant, its just so hard to contain myself when I am feeling so tired and all. Plus at night I take care of her while he is snoring away!!- you know what I mean I think many ladies go through that, that's why I said earlier, I just needed to vent...felt better already

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    carang's Avatar
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    i know EXACTLY what you mean! i, too, struggle with the hubby. but for us, the biggest problem arises from disciplining the kids. i'm very lucky. my hubby always got up to help at night. he still does!

    good luck! glad you feel better!

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    Hunter is offline Registered User
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    It is good that you have your feelings written down and posted here on geobaby.com. This is a perfect platform to vent your stress.

    You are definitely not alone. At least, you have me. I posted a thread with the basically same subject a while ago - how helpful is the daddy in taking care of your baby. But sounds to me, that your case is not too bad. at least your husband does take the initiative to help, like try to pacify your baby by simply holding her, and try to dust the furniture though at the wrong timing. To me, your husband is really trying to help, but just that maybe he just doesn't know the technique, at least he was trying to hold your baby in different positions to pacify her.

    For my case, my husband doesn't really take the initiative to help. He will never dust the furnitures without my instruction. When he gets home from work, he simply watches TV or plays the stupid online games. Gosh, don't know why he just doesn't grow up. FYI, we don't have a helper neither. As you see, I am the one to take care my baby, i am the one to play with my baby and i am the one to do the housework, unless, I ask him to help. can you imagine? even to play with his own son has to be instructed. I really cannot comprehend. I am very frustrated as well. I guess some men are just born to be mentally under-developed.

    Well, he is improving a bit these days though far behind my expectation, but anyway, will give him some time.

    Good luck to both of us.

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    yuukalim0404 is offline Registered User
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    Hunter- hang in there!
    My hubby comes home and on the TV straight away too...I think if TV is extinct he probably will not survive (I'm serious)...anyway, I think he does tries to help, but most of the time, he also needs to be told what to do...maybe not lazy but just totally clueless!!
    Cara - actually I used to work full time too, but recently has worked from home part time as I needed more time with baby and market is quiet anyway.
    Anyway its good to know I am not alone, thanks again!

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    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    My DH is very fond of Wii (in fact playing it right now!).

    Yuuka - My approach is also not the most pleasant one at times (many times), so I can understand how small things frustrate you. Especially when it`s you that stays home with the baby all the time and have gotten to know what works and what doesn`t with her...then your husband comes along and either seems to ruin it or doesn`t go along with the groove that you made. That`s how it is here too. But unlike your husband, mine would never think to start dusting. In fact, the idea makes me chuckle:) Also, he is snoring away at night, and although in my best mind, I don`t need him to wake up bc I`m nursing anyway and he should be well rested for his job since he needs to face people all day - I don`t. But when we`re tired, and I haven`t slept a full night since I conceived this baby, well, our emotions can easily overtake us.
    So, vent away!!

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