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When can I stop living like a parasite?

  1. #1
    Hunter is offline Registered User
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    When can I stop living like a parasite?

    It's been 2 years being out of job, and i feel so much like a parasite of the family. I have been trying to get a job, but no luck so far. My self esteem has reached a record low. Though I can spend more time with my little one, I can not accept the fact that a degree holder has become a full time mommy eventually when our family needs dual income to get things back on track.

    I am so scared of the future and I am so sad. Wish the whole thing was just a dream and I would wake up to get ready to go to work.

    I need a job!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. #2
    Hunter is offline Registered User
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    I think I start to have the depression symtoms. Don't want to meet the people I know, don't have the mood to do anything, etc.

  3. #3
    geomum is offline Registered User
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    Hunter, don't wallow in self pity PLEASE!!! There are plenty of people much worse of than you in this world. Consider yourself lucky for being born in a developed country with necessities which are considered luxuries in many parts of the world. If you are going into depression consider getting in touch with a Psychiatrist or you could end up hurting yourself and your family.

  4. #4
    lylee is offline Registered User
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    agree with geomum, hunter have seen various similar posts you put out. i, too, am a degree holder, with a great job before & now a full-time mom. of course, financially we are tighter with my husband's income only, but we just need to prioritize our spending & spend smart. even so, i feel SO fortunate to be able to see my baby grow & witness her milestones, her smiles when she wakes up from her nap etc. etc. instead of feeling pity, look at the brighter side of things. cheer up!

  5. #5
    Smiles is offline Registered User
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    I think being a mummy is the most important job you can have. My mum had two degrees but gave up any career to look after us kids and I am so grateful to have a mum who was always there for me! Talk to your husband, I'm sure he doesn't think you are a 'parasite'.

    Hope you feel better

  6. #6
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    I`m sorry you are feeling so down. It`s not a nice feeling, I know.
    But it sounds like you are letting your pride get in the way of 2 things:
    - the realisation that the job market is tough now and it is not necessarily related to your experience or qualifications
    - you are able to be the sole caregiver for your child. This is better than any nanny or school. Your child needs his mother the most.

    Why are you a parasite? Who are you living off of? If it`s your husband, that is not called a parasite - it`s called family.
    By the way, I am a degree holder too. I had a great job in Thailand. Then I decided to move to China and marry my then boyfriend, and then we had a baby. I`m now a stay-at-home-mom with no helper, on one small income. I wouldn`t have it any other way(except maybe that my husband`s salary was higher, hehe). I`m just curious why you are placing being a degree holding Mommy so much lower than being a degree holding worker. I think it`s your perspective that is getting you down.
    I hope you can think a different way and accept your current circumstances and maybe have a good day with your family. I`m sure they don`t see you as a parasite.
    take care~

  7. #7
    barbwong_130 is offline Registered User
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    When I was home with small children and having to cope on only one income I viewed my job as saving money. Being at home gives you opportunities to save money almost everywhere. This involved shopping around, finding ways to mend broken items rather than replacing them and working out creative new ways of doing things without spending money.

    I know I'm intelligent (and I have degrees to prove it). I believe that this intelligent helped me find these creative ways to make the single income go as far as possible. Intelligence is never wasted whether or not you are working in paid employment or working at saving money.

    When I finally worked out the amount I was saving it was about 80% to 90% of what I was earning before I stopped work. And I don't think I can put a value on the extra time and attention I was able to give my children.

  8. #8
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    there are times i believe that "feminism" has done more to hinder women than to help them!

    the idea of feminism is NOT that EVERY woman should go out to work. the idea is that women should be valued and allowed a CHOICE.

    now, i understand that your choice seems to be to go out to work. i know that there are some women that are better mothers because they work out of the home. (i think i am one of them. i love my kids as much as the next woman, but i don't think i would feel fulfilled if i stayed home 100% of the time. this is NOT a bash against those that do feel fulfilled, it is merely MY own feeling.)

    i think that much of society makes women who choose to stay home to raise their children feel like they are not contributing to society (a parasite, if you wish) as much as those who go out to work. even the seemingly innocent questions, "Do you work?" or the equally seemingly innocent answer, "No, I'm just a SAHM." feed into this feeling.

    for starters:
    THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE IN YOUR LIFE is raising your children. Not only is it important to you, but it is important to the rest of society as well!

    PLEASE stop feeling like a parasite. Look at what you are doing for your children and realise that what you are doing is NOT worthless!!!

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