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Alternative Parents

  1. #17
    babymommy2 is offline Registered User
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    I see a big difference between having a home birth with a qualified midwife and having an unassisted home birth all by yourself. If everything goes normally well then, yes there won't be a problem, but if something goes wrong, how will you know, and will you be a position to do anything about it, if you do somehow pick up that something is wrong.

    edited to add,

    I wouldn't have a home birth myself because where I live I would have to pay for that, and there is the option to have hospital delivery with a midwife with a birthing tub and it is free, but if that wasn't available I may consider a home birth with a miidwife.
    Last edited by babymommy2; 07-01-2009 at 11:33 PM.

  2. #18
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matty View Post
    I delivered both of mine in public hospital, the first a Queen Mary, the 2nd at Prince of Wales.
    Believe it or not, I think it's can be easier to have an intervention free birth in a public hospital, as you don't have to deal with an obstetrician you have paid who has his/her own ideas of how your birth should be.
    I saw a Dr for only 10 mins during my first birth, she saw she wasn't needed and moved on. From there it was just a midwife who didn't do anything until I started pushing.
    Didn't even see a Dr for my second.

    I was very clear that I wanted no intervention and with a little insistence my hubby and I were left to do things our way.
    They seem to offer you as little as possible in public hospital, which can work to your advantage if you want drug and intervention free.

    I stayed at home for as long as possible, and only went to hospital for the last couple of hours.

    At Queen Mary they didn't offer bottles if you were BF, but at Prince of Wales they insisted that my 4kg baby who was BFing fine needed one due to his 'massive' 8% weightloss!
    It's not a problem if you are assertive and can stand your ground.
    i must say, i'm a little jealous! i only wish that either of my pregnancies were so great! :woman

  3. #19
    prone_to_wander is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by babymommy2 View Post
    I see a big difference between having a home birth with a qualified midwife and having an unassisted home birth all by yourself. If everything goes normally well then, yes there won't be a problem, but if something goes wrong, how will you know, and will you be a position to do anything about it, if you do somehow pick up that something is wrong.
    But don't we instinctively know when something is wrong? I'm not sure I'm gutsy enough to do an unassisted birth but I think it is an interesting question to ask how well we know ourselves and know our bodies. I think we are so scared to trust ourselves in case something "goes wrong". Things can "go wrong" in hospital too.

    I also think people who go through unassisted births have weighed their options. We spend all of our lives filling our bodies with drugs to make them do what they are supposed to be doing, instead of actually listening to what our body is telling us. I think unassisted births makes us re-examine ourselves.

  4. #20
    joannek is offline Registered User
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    prone to wander, i think in an ideal situation where the mom is really connected to her own body (which is difficult to achieve with all the stress of today's world), and where we have experience watching other woman give birth like how ppl used to live - in villages where everyone is everyone's family, closely connected; and if we don't have babies well into our 30s, then we can have unassisted homebirths. our bodies are supposed to start having babies & giving birth when we are young, maybe 18 or 20. then giving birth to a baby is like going to the bathroom & our body recover so much quicker. but nowadays, we mess up our system with birthcontrol pills, hormones, late marriages, late pregnancy, it's difficult for a lot of us to have unassisted pregnancy, let alone unassisted birth.

    i consider myself an alternative parent, i'm into natural medicines, natural birth & Waldorf education. i've had 2 babies, both times i practiced hypnobirthing but ended up having an epidural, 1st time baby was in the wrong position. 2nd time, baby was just too large for me (as asian, the midwives & doctor tell me, it is impossible to have drug free birth giving birth to a near 9lb baby without risking my life). i was lucky to have had a vaginal birth. going through these 2 experience let me to believe that sometimes life take us where we least wish to.

    if you do decide & get your unassisted home birth, I wish you all the luck! i think it would be much easier if you are caucasian, and younger than 25.

  5. #21
    babymommy2 is offline Registered User
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    But don't we instinctively know when something is wrong? I'm not sure I'm gutsy enough to do an unassisted birth but I think it is an interesting question to ask how well we know ourselves and know our bodies. I think we are so scared to trust ourselves in case something "goes wrong". Things can "go wrong" in hospital too
    Yes and no,

    You may know something is wrong is you've had a baby before and the pain is much worse than your "normal", or if it is taking way to long because baby won't descend, but if you have no experience with birth, how will you know what "normal" looks like. No doubt there are situation when you may not realize womething is wrong until it is too late, say a placental abruption, serious risk of a serious lack of oxygen for baby and severe hemorraghe for mom. you can read all the books you want, when you are in that emotionally charged and pain charged state, you cannot recall all the various signs of things going wrong. Even in a traditional society, you would not labor alone, you would be with women who had given birth before, probably more than one, and they would supprt you and help you.

    I also agree with the previous poster that most people are very out of turn with their bodies.

    Yes things do go wrong in a hospital, but if things went very bad and you needed an emergency c/s, it can be done. Of course with hospital births you also run the risk of having interventions and c/s that you probably didn't need, if you had been left to labor naturally, (which is probably what you are looking for when thinking of home birth) Look at the appalling c/s rate in north america. It is up to 31% in my community. I totally agree that taking the medical view of looking for anything to go wrong and only saying it is normal if you can't find anything, vs, looking that it is normal, unitl something goes wrong is the way it is in hospitals and can totally see why people may wish for a home birth, but for me the risk of being alone without anyone with expereince of births in an unassissted birth is too risky for me. I think at the very minimum with home births you should have 1 experienced midwife. I pretty sure most midwives have at least 2 professionals at a birth.

  6. #22
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by prone_to_wander View Post
    But don't we instinctively know when something is wrong? I'm not sure I'm gutsy enough to do an unassisted birth but I think it is an interesting question to ask how well we know ourselves and know our bodies. I think we are so scared to trust ourselves in case something "goes wrong". Things can "go wrong" in hospital too.

    I also think people who go through unassisted births have weighed their options. We spend all of our lives filling our bodies with drugs to make them do what they are supposed to be doing, instead of actually listening to what our body is telling us. I think unassisted births makes us re-examine ourselves.
    Personally I couldn't choose the birth of my child as the time to test myself out and how well I know my body etc. I absolutely accept that in some countries home births are more normal than hospital births and so not overly risky however in countries where this is not the case I would be too worried that should something go wrong the people i'd need to turn to (say ambulance officers) wouldn't have the experience to deal with it. How could you live with yourself if you choose such a birth and then your baby dies because you wanted to 're-examine yourself'? One baby dying out of 100 safe births this way still wouldn't be enough to make me think this acceptable. Imagine being the one mother who lost her child.

    Anyway, it is interesting to see the various opinions out there.
    Last edited by aussiegal; 07-02-2009 at 10:26 AM.

  7. #23
    aussie mum is offline Registered User
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    i had a homebirth in the UK with my first child. I felt very in tune with my body during the whole process and it was a wonderful experience. having said that i am sure i felt more at ease knowing that my midwife was there should anything unexpected occur. unfortunately there are a number of things can happen during labour and delivery - whether we are in tune with our bodies or not (although I do believe that these complications are greatly reduced with drug-free births)
    She basically left me alone in my bedroom (as requested) and checked on me occasionally until i felt the strong urge to push and she remained with me during that stage - although didn't do a great deal.
    It was comforting to know that she had done this soo many times before, she notified the nearby hospital that i was labouring and delivering at home. she had a direct line to the ambulance service. Her greatest concern was actually the delivery of the placenta, not the baby, due to the risks involved.

    I was disappointed to find that i couldn't have a well-supported home birth here in HK with my second child. When i looked into it, it basically boiled down to the fact that yes of course you could fly a midwife in and go ahead with a homebirth but it would be without the additional acceptance and support of the hospital and ambulance system. It wasn't a risk i was prepared to take just so i could be at home!

    I ended up at the Matilda for my second sons birth and to be honest in terms of labouring it wasn't that different from being at home!
    The ob was there for all of 5mins and i had a doula with me for support for the remainder of the time. However this time the cord was wound tightly around the little ones neck and I felt i was definitely in the right place.

    so yes, i'm all for homebirths given the right support network but just not sure why you would choose to be unassisted
    Different strokes for different folks but I can't imagine taking that kind of risk when it is the life of mother and child at stake. So what if you do know your body and instinctively know that something is wrong - its what you would do next that i question?

  8. #24
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by prone_to_wander View Post
    I think unassisted births makes us re-examine ourselves.
    I think this is a good point. From my perspective, I think that birth and preparing for it itself make most women re-examine themselves. I think that it's so very important for women to really examine what their plans are from a deeper level--not just look at the self-help pregnancy books and take verbatim everything in them or just do what a doctor tells them to just because he/she is a doctor and that means they "know everything."

    I think it's a good and important and vulnerable time. My university professor who is one of the most accomplished and amazing women I've ever met (a double phD who had her first child at 40 and then ran the California State Marathon 6 months later and won) and she was talking to me a few months before I gave birth and she said something like, "Well, it is probably such a huge time of preparation for you. Preparing mentally and spiritually, especially."

    I was so struck by that--because rarely does anyone mention the spiritual side of childbirth. And there is one--a big one! So much of what you decide to do as far as childbirth goes beyond just the physical to the emotional, mental and spiritual side.

    Also, when I gave birth at the hospital, right after my son came out, the midwife turned to us and asked, "Does someone want to say a prayer or special blessing or a song?" We didn't at that time--but basically because we had never even thought about it.

    In so many cultures, when a baby is born the people around recognize the significance of the moment with some special ritual. In Western culture, I think we know so much scientifically that we think we don't need to really focus on other aspects as much--but they might be just as important.

    So, I think by even taking time to really meditate and contemplate these other parts that aren't focused on so much women may open up the door for women to experience an even more amazing and intimate birth experience that they had never even thought about. Just a thought.

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