Will we ever leave Hong Kong?
- 07-05-2009, 12:51 PM #25
pps> EVERYONE in our village is VERY open about what we are paying in rent... NO ONE wants the rents to start going up... if i know my nextdoor neighbour just reneg her lease and is paying $17.5K (which she is) it gives me a better idea what to expect when reneg mine (which i'm doing now). she also showed me around her entire house so that i could see the condition of her and be able to compare it to the condition of mine...(we are almost all expats in the village)
- 07-05-2009, 02:50 PM #26Registered User
- Join Date
- May 2009
From what you describe, your situation is quite special in that both you and your husband are self-employed. I do know other people in similar situations but most of the people I know who are local to HK or live a more local, middle-class lifestyle (us), do work for someone else and that means they have to go to where their work is.
Of course, as you said, you fully understand that after working so hard to make ends meet in the beginning. I think being married with children also ads a different element and I'd guess you could agree. As a single person and even when I was dating and engaged it was no big deal to be working several jobs, going to school, having time for a social life and juggling life--because life revolved around me and what I wanted to do. After marriage and a child as well as getting older, life is much more complicated.
Yes, you do have to commute for work but again, you have more flexibility as you can set your own hours and if things in Tsing Yi were truly not working out you may even be able to change offices (not saying it would be easy or without sacrifice ($) but it would be possible). Personally, I think your setup is enviable (except the dog part as I do not like dogs).
We live in a village house that is about 600 ' with a balcony and a roof. We pay less than 4K/month. We do not live in Sai Kung but live sufficiently close to the MTR as well as bus routes to where we need to go. The affordability of the place where we live is not a fact that is wasted upon us. We have thought about moving to a place with cleaner air and more space. We've talked it through so many times but honestly, the price and convenience of where we live is not something we are willing to give up.
Our life isn't complicated by helpers and cars right now. There was a man in my hometown who walked everywhere he went and my friend's dad once commented, "That man has never known misery because he has never owned a car and he has never been married" Anyway we're trying to avoid those expenses as long as possible. We're trying to make choices that put us in the most advantageous financial position possible even though it means we don't get everything we want. With getting "everything we want" as one other poster pointed out, you can also end up having to keep up just to maintain the status quo. Even though we work hard to keep our financial obligations low, I've also realized how easy it is for us here in HK to get sucked into building up a lifestyle that then becomes like a voracious monster that you keep having to feed loads of cash too. We just prefer having a cushion of finances as much as possible and not committing ourselves to anything that may become financial unsustainable in the future.
Again, your housing set-up sounds like it would be quite nice.
- 07-05-2009, 03:54 PM #27
wow! your place sounds great! which area is it in, if you don't mind my asking?
- 07-05-2009, 08:15 PM #28Registered User
- Join Date
- Aug 2008
- hong kong / china
congratulations for yr pregnancy!
i think HK is great for living. Raising a child might be a bit difficult (limited space, school competition, pollution etc) comparing to the US. But it's a safe place for them to grow up. we moved to china from hk as my husband changed job. i worry about kidnapping every time i take my baby out. i have to look over my shoulder and i worry sick. there is no good school here. compare to china, HK is a wonderful place.
enjoy it. enjoy your pregnancy. so much to plan and looking forward to. understand you have a good family back in the US. but you will start yours in HK. you can take your baby back home to see them often.
p.s. cheating husband and prostitution is the same all over the world. Hong Kong is not a special place for it.
- 07-06-2009, 12:12 AM #29Registered User
- Join Date
- May 2009
- 06-23-2011, 07:52 PM #30Registered User
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
- Hong Kong
Today, I found this old thread I started back in 2009. As an update, I just had my second child here in HK. And this morning, had a 'fight' with my husband about going back to the US. This stemmed from his stumbling home drunk last night after being compelled to go grab drinks with a boss, as is somehow the only thing people in finance think to do as male bonding, and being that he is exhausted from our newborn and his really brilliant decision not to eat and just drink instead, passing out without showering in our bed and then pulling the comforter over our newborn's head - we are cosleeping. I thankfully heard her muffled cries and saved her. When I yelled at him because of what he had done, he basically almost rolled on top of her. The next morning he had to be told about what he did, as he apparently had blacked it out. Then, being hung over, could not drag himself up to play with our toddler for 10 minutes before work as he usually does. Not that I wanted him to - he stunk of alcohol.
Reading my old thread was so disheartening because absolutely nothing has changed since I posted 2 years ago. My husband is still stubborn as ever and basically does not care that I want to go home, because he doesn't want to go home. So here are my new questions:
1. What can I do about his behavior w/r/t drinking? I get the excuse all the time that it's 'necessary' for the job. I just don't buy that anymore.
2. I don't take divorce or separation lightly by any means, but at what point do I say, well, we are not compatible at all - we don't want to live in the same country, and we certainly don't have similar priorities. I'm not all about his career, I'm about my kids now, and that doesn't seem to mesh. Am I stupid for sticking around?
To be fair, he is not a cheater, works hard to provide for us, is generally a good dad to our toddler and very hands on about playing with her. It is really just the drinking and this issue of going back to the US that are causing my heartache.
- 06-23-2011, 09:48 PM #31
No one can tell you wether you should get divorced or not. That is a decision you have to make for yourself. Things to consider however, is his drinking more important than his family and does it threaten their safety, as with the cosleeping episode it sounds like it might.
I don't take divorce lightly either, coming from a broken home myself, but you have to ask yourself is seeing their father "pass out" drunk healthy or what you want for your children?
I would suggest you talk to your husband sincerely about your concerns and ask him if seeing their Dad stinking drunk is the memories he wants for his children as well. Maybe he needs a wake up call in regards to the impression he is leaving for his children.
- 06-24-2011, 09:17 AM #32Registered User
- Join Date
- May 2009
Of course my situation and yours are drastically different. But, there was a point in my husband's and my relationship where I did leave and go back to the States and considered never coming back. I took our 8-month-old and went for a "break"--lived with my mom and sister. I think it was good for my husband to come to his senses as he said he missed us all terribly while we were gone and didn't feel like life was worth much without us. I say, talk to him--but that's assuming you haven't already--I'm thinking that you probably have done a fair amount of telling him how you feel and he simply is not getting it or doesn't care to get it. In that case, pack your bags and take off for awhile--it will be refreshing for you to be back in the States with family and friends and will give your children a fun break and it will give him time to reconsider his priorities. Be prepared, however, that he may simply just make the decision that you and the family aren't worth him changing his life for--that is extremely sad but it does happen. I have a friend who has a kindergartner and a toddler and it got to the point where she asked her husband to choose whether he wanted his family or he wanted World of Warcraft (the video game) and he chose the latter. Some men are dumb that way. I sure hope your husband isn't.“Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”
~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)
Mother of Two
JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK
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