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Will we ever leave Hong Kong?

  1. #49
    howardcoombs is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by matemate View Post
    on the topic: why is it only about HK vs US? to me this is very one-dimensional. how about europe, australia, singapore, china, india, etc?

    however 6 pages of discussion and we finally get to the real point: the issue seems not to be the geographic location of your life, but rather what kind of a relationship you have.
    On this point I agree 100%. Seems, this has nothing to do with living location but rather a lack of communication and negotiation between a husband and wife. Unless the core issue is resolved, you will end up with even more arguments as the kids are growing up...

    Should we raise our kids in XXX church or yyy temple or as an atheists?
    Should we send our kids to school Z or school T.

    I disagree with matemate (dont bring up the divorce discussion) but agree with his 4 points. You need to find a way to work thru major decisions that will be coming up.

    The location seems to be a hot topic; I would suggest to leave that one aside but pick a different topic and see if you can work thru them in an amicable fashion.

    I am grateful that me and my wife see mostly eye to eye on most major issues and have been able to work thru a few that we had disagreements with. I wish you strength and wisdom so that you may be able to do the same with your partner.

  2. #50
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    man, talking money of divorce as an incentive to stay married??? really? i would NOT want to be in that marriage! the only reason for him to choose his family is because it would cost him too much to lose them?

    not a great situation!
    sorry, two kids crawling on me when i posted this... it should have said, "talking about the cost of divorce as an incentive to stay married"...

  3. #51
    matemate is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    man, talking money of divorce as an incentive to stay married???
    no, but to get his attention.

    clearly she is not even getting his attention right now. a jolt sometimes works...

  4. #52
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    I find the men who gave input to this thread's views very interesting. Seems like they are likely cut from a similar fabric as the OP's husband. Good luck, OP.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

  5. #53
    2010-NewDad is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by thanka2 View Post
    I find the men who gave input to this thread's views very interesting. Seems like they are likely cut from a similar fabric as the OP's husband. Good luck, OP.
    Not sure if this is a jibe at me or not. I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to give advice on someones marriage when only hearing one side of the argument. Many here don't share my reticence.

    However, it seems clear to me both parents need to share some of the responsibly for the alcohol issue. Most authorities recommend against co-sleeping with very young babies - by placing the baby in the bed the risks are increased to start with. These are compounded by placing the baby in the bed with someone who is known to over-drink as every single piece I have read on co-sleeping expressly forbids it when alcohol is involved.

    Why wasn't the baby moved out of the bed prior to the husband coming home at in the early hours? Even if this wasn't done, why was he allowed to climb into bed and stay there? Either the husband needs to be moved or the mother and baby need to move. The baby's safety is the first, second and third priority. The husband was completely and shamelessly out of line and takes most of the blame here. However, placing the baby in harms way was not the smartest decision either.

    As I say, I don't know how to resolve the tensions in the marriage... but I wouldn't give any advice without hearing both sides of the argument as it could easily do more harm than good.

  6. #54
    banane76 is offline Registered User
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    Co-sleeping can be very beneficial for the baby and easier when you're breastfeeding on demand. It's much easier than getting up every couple hours to feed...this way both you and baby can feed and sleep comfortably...especially with a newborn. Husband probably should have slept on couch that night but was probably too drunk to realize it. Also sometimes it's difficult to reason with a drunk person. But yeah, I probably would have moved if drunk husband wasn't going to. Like people have said previously, we don't have both sides of the story; however, there are some serious issues here that cannot be ignored.

  7. #55
    2010-NewDad is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by banane76 View Post
    Co-sleeping can be very beneficial for the baby and easier when you're breastfeeding on demand. It's much easier than getting up every couple hours to feed...this way both you and baby can feed and sleep comfortably...especially with a newborn.
    Sure, I agree completely. We are breastfeeding on demand and thought about co-sleeping, however in the end we have the baby in a Moses basket by the side of the bed to try and negate the concerns about covering/stifling. It is a balancing act between the best choices for the baby and the best choices for the mother in terms of limiting the physical and emotional exhaustion that occur with sleep deprivation and breast feeding. There is no optimal choice, just a series of compromises we all have to make which depend on how fussy/thirsty/needy our babies are...

  8. #56
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2010-NewDad View Post
    Not sure if this is a jibe at me or not. I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to give advice on someones marriage when only hearing one side of the argument. Many here don't share my reticence.

    However, it seems clear to me both parents need to share some of the responsibly for the alcohol issue. Most authorities recommend against co-sleeping with very young babies - by placing the baby in the bed the risks are increased to start with. These are compounded by placing the baby in the bed with someone who is known to over-drink as every single piece I have read on co-sleeping expressly forbids it when alcohol is involved.

    Why wasn't the baby moved out of the bed prior to the husband coming home at in the early hours? Even if this wasn't done, why was he allowed to climb into bed and stay there? Either the husband needs to be moved or the mother and baby need to move. The baby's safety is the first, second and third priority. The husband was completely and shamelessly out of line and takes most of the blame here. However, placing the baby in harms way was not the smartest decision either.

    As I say, I don't know how to resolve the tensions in the marriage... but I wouldn't give any advice without hearing both sides of the argument as it could easily do more harm than good.
    Not a jibe at you at all. You gave practical advice concerning co-sleeping not total justification of the husband's behavior. I guess I shouldn't have made a blanket statement about "the men" who shared on this thread. But a few seem to see nothing wrong at all with the behavior described.

    The reality is on forums like this no one EVER gets both sides of the story so we just go with the information we're presented.

    Men who are married to their work first and their wife second would definitely go to bat for the behavior described by the OP about her husband. That's what I was saying.
    “Many women have described their experiences of childbirth as being associated with a
    spiritual uplifting, the power of which they have never previously been aware …
    To such a woman childbirth is a monument of joy within her memory.
    She turns to it in thought to seek again an ecstasy which passed too soon.”

    ~ Grantly Dick-Read (Childbirth Without Fear)

    Mother of Two
    JMW, boy, born November 29, 2007, 9:43 pm, USA
    MJW, girl, born March 17, 2011, 4:14 pm, HK

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