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My MIL is driving me nuts

  1. #9
    cheerfulmama is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Hong Kong

    thank you all for the nice sharings.

    My husband did ask my opinion about having her with us for this trip, and I know that she had been asking for many times. It is tough as if she got a no from my husband, it is definitely the no order from me coz my husband for sure has no problem to have her. So, I have no choice but to say yes, and I just hope that this will be the last time to have her in our family trips.

    there is no point to discuss with my husband as he is always on his mother's side of course, at all, she is indeed not doing any harm, and he thinks that his parents are seniors and we should simply give way to them. Like when they take my baby to the park without putting any mosquito repellent, and come back with many bites, and they will question me why. well, this is another topic.

    well, I understand that she is a caring grandma, but just that she is a bit too intrusive, like how many sets of clothes, my goodness. By the way, we are a Chinese family.

    many more other stuff that irritates me, but now it's time for our early dinner today, so talk to you guys later.

    Thanks once again.

  2. #10
    Smiles is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Happy Valley

    I think there is nothing wrong with your MIL knowing that the no order is coming from you. It seems that most MIL seem to have difficulty accepting that the wife is now the most important woman in their son's life. My mother has a great relationship with her daughter-in-law as she has always respected that she comes first for my brother (I however no longer talk to my MIL as she has crossed the line too many times!!).

    There is a saying 'happy wife, happy life!'...perhaps remind your husband of that if he ever feels 'conflicted' in making decisions regarding his mother v. you!

    Good luck with the trip!

  3. #11
    katelynBB is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Hung Hom

    All this MIL talk is reminding me how my FIL is like... I don't have a problem with my MIL, its my FIL that crosses the line!!! Thinks he knows everything!!! I have to make sure someone is there when I tell him something, or he'll twist my words and something completely different will come out. I don't see them often, but when they're here, the days go by so SLOW... I feel like I have to plan everyday so that I don't have to see them.
    One time, my husband begged me to on a Macau trip with his parents and promised that they would leave us alone... guess what his dad did... booked our rooms joined together (where you could open a door from inside the suite and go into another room, without going out)!!!! I was furious!!!! That meant if he wanted, he could come in anytime and take my daughter... we had no privacy.
    I was so mad, never again will I go on a trip with them.
    My husband says that's his personality and there's nothing we can do, that's just the way it is. Good thing they live in Canada.


  4. #12
    cheerfulmama is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Hong Kong

    gosh, my MIL called again this late evening reminding me to bring baby's tooth brush and paste, and sun block. oh my god, I wish I could say that come on, why don't you come over and pack for us. oh my, she called us about 5 times today. I am so irritated.

    envy most of you that your MIL is not in Hong Kong. Poor me, I have to handle her daily calls every single day. urhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

  5. #13
    babymommy2 is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2008

    sto anserwing the phone, then when she complains sy you were busy feeding the baby, bathing, etc and you couldn;t get to the phone. YOu might have to be blunt since she doesn't seem to get the hint, and tell her thankyou very much for the advice but you know how to pack and don't need the advice.

  6. #14
    slamdunk is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2006

    i would also agree to not answer your phone all the time, so there isn't the expectation you're always there to listen to her 'advice' which appear to be on a whim...

    good luck with your trip. it would be reasonable for your husband to say "No" next time and for your MIL to accept you need some just-family time.

    or do trips which involve activity she simply won't enjoy (e.g. maybe she doesn't like sun & beach holidays - so go to Thailand!) and exclude her on that presumption...

  7. #15
    snagito is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2007

    Now might as well make the best of the situation since she's coming anyway. If the baby falls asleep in the evening and you are confident about leaving him/her to sleep make MIL sit there and wait while you and hubby go out and at least have a cup of coffee or some fun close by. Just for a little bit. I think this is a MUST so that she realises her role is to be there to support you both if she does insist on coming along then USE her.
    She can't possibly say no as even your hubby will see it as her natural role.

    Tell us how it goes and try to have some fun while you're in Shanghai

  8. #16
    fingerscrossed is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Tin Hau

    Hmm, MILs (& FILs for that matter) can be a real pain in the backside. My ones are 'know-it-alls' (shanghainese might explain why) and the MIL has to have a say in everything. I remember getting really p*#$d off at her for telling me how my son should be bathed while standing behind me watching every step of the process. I turned around and asked her if she would like to take over (that was when my son was 2mths, I was a new mum, didn't have a helper so just didn't need comments like that).

    They live in Australia so thank goodness for that but they visit twice a year to see the grandchildren. Our problem is the comparisons they make with the cousin, who is two month's older than my son. Makes me ill when they start comparing.

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