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My MIL is driving me nuts

  1. #17
    HK2008 is offline Registered User
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    Ladies, may I ask a question please...

    My personal experience also told me that MILs quite often appear to be owning their sons. My one used to compete with me for her son's attention(no offense Mum please rest in peace). Now that I have a son of my own, I wonder 'could I possibly become such a MIL some day as well'? I wonder whether I could acknowledge from the bottom of my heart that some day my DIL is the most important one in his life(like smiles's Mum). I know the sooner I accept that, the happier everyone would be. But is it gonna be 'easier said than done'...otherwise how come we have so many MILs who simply cannot leave their sons alone?

  2. #18
    Smiles is offline Registered User
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    HK2008 I have to admit it possibly helps my mum that my brother married a fantastic girl, so maybe a lot of these MIL don't think their DIL are good enough. I've felt my MIL's behaviour has been like having a very jealous ex-girlfriend around (sounds very weird but only way I can explain it!).

    I'd be interested to see how many of these MIL are actually happy in their own life or own relationship. My mum has her own life, has been happily married for 37 years and doesn't feel the need to be invovled in every little decision we make.

    Maybe it's just luck (or bad luck as seems to be the case!)
    Last edited by Smiles; 08-20-2009 at 12:37 PM.

  3. #19
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    rani is online now Administrator
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    HK2008,

    Funny you brought this up. Have been thinking the same, and I've made a pact with my girlfriends, that if I start showing signs of being the bossy MIL, they'll intervene and they'll plan more girls activities to keep us entertained and busy.

  4. #20
    geomum is offline Registered User
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    HK2008 to answer your question, the one thing I've learnt from my parents is to give children lots of space once they are married or engaged and give advise only when asked for. I have a daughter (Is it differnt with son's? I dont know) and I already have a "Not-to do list" courtesy my MIL once she is married and has children. Infact if someone has a bad MIL/ FIL he/she should make it their goal never to be like them or else they might end up making life miserable for everyone.

  5. #21
    geomum is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by rani View Post
    HK2008,

    Funny you brought this up. Have been thinking the same, and I've made a pact with my girlfriends, that if I start showing signs of being the bossy MIL, they'll intervene and they'll plan more girls activities to keep us entertained and busy.
    Loved your response Rani :))

  6. #22
    HK2008 is offline Registered User
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    Ladies, all well said...rani, I'd follow your suit and also find myself a lets-not-be-an-annoying-MIL buddy to keep an eye out for me...

    I'd certainly hope my son finds me a fantastic DIL...but, sigh...is there really any girl good enough for my son??? I doubt it...

    BTW, he's now 1 and half years old...

  7. #23
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    I've written down heaps of things that both my mother and MIL do that annoys the crap out of me so when my kids are older I can remind myself not to do them.

    The other day I was lining up in a shop to pay for something and in front of me were two older women, both grandmas. (Say 60 or so). One of them was bitching about the daughter in law saying that everytime she calls and asks to see the grandkids there's this whole song and dance and she has to schedule it in and make a really big deal out of it etc. She didn't say it as nice as I'm writing it though, her tone was really angry. The other woman said, oh yes it's so hard for people once they have children to fit everything in, get kids to after school activities etc. She was totally sticking up for the parents and not letting her friends bitching and moaning go anywhere. When they turned to look at me one had a lovely relaxed face, aging but well. The other looked haggard and mean, deep lines all over her face, what I call 'angry woman lines', angry from all the scowling and complaining she's down over her lifetime! You can guess which face belonged to which woman.

    So the moral of the story is don't turn out to be the bitchy mum or MIL or not only will your kids hate having you over but you'll end up ugly!

  8. #24
    HK2008 is offline Registered User
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    Good one, aussiegal, I think you just hit the core...None of us ladies want to end up looking ugly. I mean all the years of spending good money on keeping our face pretty would all go in vain...No Way!

    Let's work together to end this having/being annoying MIL era!

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