My MIL is driving me nuts
- 09-05-2009, 09:55 PM #33Registered User
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Hong Kong
I can well sympathise with the MIL problems. My MIL has a real 'superwoman' complex, ALWAYS sniffing around for compliments from her friends, sons and husband. Everyone knows what she is about....to the point that one time FIL spoke candidly with their group of friends that she always needed to be the special one, the fastest one, the one who knew all the gossip etc, in the context of her charging up a mountain trail ahead of their holiday group.....too bad she was within ear shot and she completely froze him out for days......we almost thought the marriage might be over as he dared to speak the 'truth'...that basically she's an insecure ego maniac!
Having watched other MILs in HK, especially when they don't work and are Chinese, I realise this sort of insecurity and need for the 'yay me' activity is very, very common. Yes, she does point out every single thing she does for my daughter, yes, she points out every single thing she does for me (i.e. I bought you soy sauce as your house was out of it.....it was deliberate, I was trying to reduce the salt intake of my family....), yes, she points out everything and it's all about her. Very difficult situation for my DH and also for me. Thankfully I work so have my own income otherwise it would be a whole different ball game.
I try to keep in mind that probably life is not great for her, to feel the way she does and to need validation all the time. Life is probably pretty feral for her in fact especially if she doesn't get her little compliment hits and clearly as she is always angling for them, they are not coming nearly quickly enough, and she probably has an internal dialogue that is probably pretty negative, because, I believe, when one is happy and secure and occupied, you don't need to cut others down to boost your own ego. You just accept......
Cheerfulmama, you need to have a serious talk with your hubby about these trips as it will just wear you down. Don't worry if MIL believes the No s are coming from you, she's probably attributed a lot of negative things to you anyways, and if this is just another run on the board and allows your little nuclear family to remain happy and together...well so be it!
Sorry probably had too much to say on the topic!
- 12-21-2009, 12:31 PM #34Registered User
- Join Date
- Sep 2006
I have the opposite problem - MIL is quite indifferent and not wanting to get involved even though she knows we need help. My mum tried to suggest it to her but she said that parenting is like that and it is up to us to manage and deal with it. She is happy to share in the good times though, just not in the times where the baby is not well or having issues.
By contrast, she makes a lot of effort with helping to take care of my baby's cousin, who lives in another country. (MIL lives 5 min cab ride away from us). On the occasions she does visit, I feel a bit uneasy because she will check out all the stuff my baby uses or the activities we do with our baby, so that she can make sure the cousin uses/does the same things. It makes me feel like my baby is the secondary grandchild.
So I guess the way to deal with it is to keep telling myself that it is better than having a MIL that is controlling and interfering?
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