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My MIL is driving me nuts

  1. #1
    cheerfulmama is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Hong Kong

    My MIL is driving me nuts

    We are going for a very short trip early next week, to Shanghai. It is supposed to be our first family trip with our little baby. supposed to be very excited. but unfortunately I am not, at all, because my dear MIL is going with us. She asked my husband so many times because she knew I wouldn't like the idea, and of course eventually she won.

    Ok, now i am fine to have her. but what bothers me is that she gets so excited about this trip together that she started to prepare the packing long ago, and she keeps reminding me what to bring, how many sets of clothes, whether I need disposable undies, and keeps reminding me to bring masks and she told my husband that she would prepare the masks for my baby just in case that I will forget. my goodness. what makes her think that I will forget? she irritates me the most that she thinks she is the smartest and you are always the one who is less capable. she likes to be praised. I mean, everybody has her own way of doing things. it is simply a very short trip, and it is nothing to me in terms of packing. I mean, I am a very independent person, and I know what to do and when to do.

    Do you have such a "nice" MIL?

  2. #2
    Bumps Guest

    It made me really annoyed to read your post...... I can just imagine your MIL! I would be fuming if I were you. Why can't she stay in HK? Why can't you have a holiday with just your immediate family? I find that sooooo intrusive. I would speak to your husband too, if he made the decision without you so this does no happen in future.
    But the fact is she is coming on this trip. So, you need to mentally prepare yourself to detach yourself from her and things she says. Let it go in one ear and out the other. Do what YOU want to do - especially when it comes to baby.
    By the way, I do not have a nice mother in law. In fact she is a cow but she lives in Australia thank goodness.

  3. #3
    geomum is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Hong Kong

    Just ignore anything she says, infact when she calls next time to give some "advise" just make an excuse and hang up. If you do that a few times chances are she will stop, of course she will be upset with you or might complain to your husband but don't care about that at all. When you go on the holiday make sure you don't give her any attention leave alone praise. Don't use the masks she is making for your baby or anything else. Agree with Bumps your husband should not have made the decision to take her along without consulting you first. Without going into details would add here that my MIL is just evil so I don't speak to her anymore after tolerating her for 6 LONG years.

  4. #4
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Tsuen Wan

    cheerfulmama - you poor thing!!! I can sympathise with you totally. I would die if my husband let his mother on one of our trips, no less our first trip as a new family. I would be threatening divorce, in fact;) But since there`s nothing you can do about that now, and your MIL is obviously ridiculously and annoyingly excited about going with you, you have to deal with it in different ways.
    I don`t really get along with my MIL and to be honest, once I spent more time with her I even liked my husband less - their being from the same `mould` and all that.
    Luckily, she lives in Japan and so I don`t have to see her often. We actually just spent 5 days there and I nearly went crazy in my head. too much time wasted trying to grin and bear it and all with this crazy language and cultural barrier. And then with all the advice and questioning about the baby. Just take whatever she says with a grain of salt. Whenever MIL would claim that my fussy son was hungry (who just ate 5 min before and was fussy bc he was being handled with mil too much), I was just like, `ohhh....`, and then scream in my head and that was it. Oph, and then maybe later you can take it out on your husband since it`s all his fault, hahahahaha.
    Just thank yourself that it`s short and wait for it to be over, trying to maintain dignity on your own part. Maybe you don`t have to consider this the first trip as a new family, since it should just be you, your husband and your baby. So NEXT TIME can be the real first trip and then you can go somewhere better and for longer. Maybe once your mommy-whipped hubbie spends a whole trip with her, he too will be annoyed. Try to let him deal with her.
    The bottom line is, there`s unfortunately nothing you can do about it now, so just try to get through it. A few days will eventually pass.
    Good luck and let us know how it all went~

  5. #5
    sorchului is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Hong Kong

    Hello. My MIL is nice and she does not live in Hong Kong so I don't deal with her often, however my mother is the annoying one so my husband is the one who complains. Hahaha.

    I know how you feel. I think your MIL has a good heart and cares a lot for you but just a bit annoying. Well, just say 'Yes' to whatever she says.

  6. #6
    hkiegal is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Just out of curiosity, is you MIL Chinese? My ex MIL was Shanghaiese, and really she drove me mad. But my current MIL is wonderful, and she lives in Canada, so we only see her once a yr!!

  7. #7
    peainpod is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Mid Levels

    Absolutely sympathize as I too have a tiresome mother-in-law. I wouldn't go so far as to say "evil" but she is an intrusive, complaining, manipulative woman who plays the "poor me" guilt card any chance she gets! I have one word of advice: BOUNDARIES. You have to lay down some, your husband has to respect them and together, if you two work as a team, you will eventually get her to observe them.

    Btw, I would suggest being more tactical in your approach and to pre-empt potential problems by not sharing too much information with your MIL (ie. on a strictly, need-to-know basis). That way, there are fewer things for your MIL to think/scheme/complain about. For instance, we usually don't tell my MIL about family trips until the last minute so she is unable to suggest joining us or criticize our choices! (But for this to work, your husband has to be on-side with you.)

    Good luck!

  8. #8
    Frenchy is offline Registered User
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Ap Lei Chau

    I have different thoughts about the "accepting everything" part. What you do now will be taken for granted for a long time ! If you don't put things clear, she will have no limits in taking part in your life and deciding for you.
    If you are not sure you can accept and let it go, tell her nicely that you understand she cares for your baby, that she is a caring GRAND MOTHER, but that you already care about all this as A MUM, that she should enjoy this time with you all and not worry, that you will ask her for advice and help WHEN YOU NEED IT, eventually that her behaviour make you feel like she thinks you are a bad mum (even if it's not true !) and that it's upseting...
    Talk about that to your husband first, and tell her in front of him. Hopefully he will support you....
    Actually that's what I did with my MIL, and it worked perfectly, now we can enjoy to spend sometime all together and nobody is upset or frustrated...

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