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HELP!!!!! 4-month old not sleeping on his own.

  1. #1
    piper is offline Registered User
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    HELP!!!!! 4-month old not sleeping on his own.

    I'm in desperate need of some help!!!

    First of all, I'm completely guilty of creating this terrible sleeping habit.

    Let me explain, my baby was a bit colicky and in turn needed to be held alot. His cot is in our room and most nights I would need to rock or cuddle him to sleep because he was so fussy, that eventually turned into EVERY night. He would be very fussy and I would hold him in my arms tightly in our bed and he would fall asleep, if I move him to his bed, he would wake (i thought you couldn't spoil babies under 6 months).
    Anyway, I have tried swaddling him....putting him to bed when I see a yawn, putting him to bed when his eyes are getting heavy. I have started a routine with bath, read a book and bed. I should also add that this issue is during the day also, I have to lay with him and cuddle him into my arms for him to sleep (I'm guilty of also really liking the bond, but now I'm clearly sleep deprived because obviously he's not getting a good sleep and at night , and clearly I'm not. I'm not sure if because he wakes every 3 hours to still feed (im BF), and thought he was not getting enough on the breast so added formula once or sometimes twice a day. I have given him 5ozs of formula at the "dream feed..10:30), and he still wakes at 1:30ish.

    The issue is since he's no longer colicky (he was 4 months on Friday), I have created a sleeping monster. I have read that I need to let him sleep on his own, doing 5, 7 then 11 minutes. I just can't bear to hear him cry more than 2 minutes (I know..I know...).

    Any suggestions? Pls HELP!!!!

  2. #2
    starbucks2 is offline Registered User
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    Hi

    Just my opinion but sounds like you need to give the controlled crying a bit more of a try. If he is clean, fed, burped and tired then he should be able to go to sleep on his own. Can totally understand the sleep props that you have used as we were very strict with our baby and I still broke our own rules a few times as it is so nice to cuddle them to sleep when they are little. But as they say, you then create a rod for your own back!

    I used a book called "Oh Baby" which was pro-controlled crying and said that babies need between 2 and 20 mins of crying to calm themselves for sleep. Not that I necessarily agree with all of that book, it did mean that our baby soothed himself to sleep from the get go. We did a 10 min/10 min/10 min routine with controlled crying. 10 mins of crying then check that he was not sick on himself etc, another 10 mins of crying then do something like a cuddle or "shush pat" (see below), another 10 mins of crying and then basically give in and do something more interventional - eg: get him up, more milk etc. Worked for us but it is very hard on the mother especially!

    I didn't like much from the Baby Whisperer book as to me it had too many sleep props (especially the pick up/put down method) but you may like it if you find you cannot stand to leave your baby crying. What I did like from that book was the shush pat method. Apparently, according to the book, babies of that age are unable to concentrate on more than 2 things at once so if you hold him or lean over the cot and gently pat them on the back and shush past their ear (not in their ears) then they will stop crying. I liked this as a compromise between controlled crying and what I saw as sleep props - like rocking or cuddling to sleep.

    We are expecting baby #2 and I do worry that the sleep props will be even harder to ignore this time around since we will worry about the baby waking baby #1 and may be more inclined to keep the peace and get the baby off to sleep however possible! But I'll try and remind myself that babies get into a routine of needing rocking or cuddling to sleep VERY quickly :)

    Everyone is different on what they can handle and I expect that you will get a lot of different views but the above worked for us. Not easy but it worked.

    Good luck

    SB2

  3. #3
    aussie mum is offline Registered User
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    i second SB2's post. pick up / put down method infuriated my son, shh pat worked wonders. but was about the only thing from the Baby Whisperer booked that worked for me.

    another good book is Save Our Sleep. it gives various methods and suggested times for leaving you baby to self settle. (it is a very routine focused book but I chose to take the sleeping advice rather than try to adhere to the routines specifically - you can take what works for you and ignore the rest).

    Baby Sleeping Bags, Baby Books, Baby Blankets - Save Our Sleep?

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    yanne is offline Registered User
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    sleeping habit

    Quote Originally Posted by piper View Post
    I'm in desperate need of some help!!!

    First of all, I'm completely guilty of creating this terrible sleeping habit.

    Let me explain, my baby was a bit colicky and in turn needed to be held alot. His cot is in our room and most nights I would need to rock or cuddle him to sleep because he was so fussy, that eventually turned into EVERY night. He would be very fussy and I would hold him in my arms tightly in our bed and he would fall asleep, if I move him to his bed, he would wake (i thought you couldn't spoil babies under 6 months).
    Anyway, I have tried swaddling him....putting him to bed when I see a yawn, putting him to bed when his eyes are getting heavy. I have started a routine with bath, read a book and bed. I should also add that this issue is during the day also, I have to lay with him and cuddle him into my arms for him to sleep (I'm guilty of also really liking the bond, but now I'm clearly sleep deprived because obviously he's not getting a good sleep and at night , and clearly I'm not. I'm not sure if because he wakes every 3 hours to still feed (im BF), and thought he was not getting enough on the breast so added formula once or sometimes twice a day. I have given him 5ozs of formula at the "dream feed..10:30), and he still wakes at 1:30ish.

    The issue is since he's no longer colicky (he was 4 months on Friday), I have created a sleeping monster. I have read that I need to let him sleep on his own, doing 5, 7 then 11 minutes. I just can't bear to hear him cry more than 2 minutes (I know..I know...).

    Any suggestions? Pls HELP!!!!
    hi,ms.piper,
    i'm a helper here and already experience that kind of problem about babies,i understand that all mums really like to be with your babies/kids but babies knows that mum's always there for them so they can do whatever they like(specially a clever one)just like spoiled them and you give them what they like at once,if you heard him cry,,,let him cry and you will observe that he will stop when nobody attend him(i know mums are soft hearted but you should strong enought so that you can handle like this problem),when you already put him to bed,leave him alone so he will used to be alone when it's his sleeping time,try to avoid sleeping with him because he can smell that somebody is with him.hope this can help you

  5. #5
    nino is offline Registered User
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    Happy Valley
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    You could try the book, "The No-Cry Sleep Solution".

  6. #6
    starbucks2 is offline Registered User
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    Hi

    I wrote a long response to your question this morning but seems to have disappeared! I don't have the will to write it all again so the succinct version (from memory) below...

    We used controlled crying which is hard but it works. I used a book called "Oh Baby" which said that it takes between 2 and 20 mins of crying for a baby to settle themselves. While I don't agree with all in that book, it was a good guide and meant that our baby was self soothing from the get go. We used a 10 mins/10 mins/10 mins routine. 10 mins of crying - go check on him and see that he hasn't been sick on himself, another 10 mins and give a cuddle or shush pat (see below) and then if he was still crying after another 10 mins then we would get him up and feed him more milk etc. As long as your baby is clean, fed, burped and tired, then he should be able to go to sleep himself (colic and reflux issues aside). My baby did not get upset just because he had a wet or dirty nappy but if yours does then it means you do have to check that early on (meaning unswaddling him etc).

    It is very hard to do at first but when you see how well they sleep afterwards and how well you sleep - it is worth it. The shush pat is from the Baby Whisperer book and I liked the technique (although I found some of the other methods in that book too close to sleep props for me - especially the "pick up/put down" method). Apparently, according to that book, babies of that age cannot concentrate on more than 2 things at once so if you gently pat them on the back (either while holding them or leaning over the cot) and "shush" passed their ear (but not into it) then they stop crying. I liked to have a combination of controlled crying and the shush pat method.

    Everyone is different and controlled crying is not for everyone. If you are finding it too hard and don't want to keep trying it then maybe the Baby Whisperer book is for you. I can totally understand how you have got to where you have got to as they are so gorgeous to cuddle up with. I am pregnant with #2 and worry that the sleep props will be harder to ignore this time as we will be worried that the baby will wake #1 and may be keener to keep the peace by all means necessary!

    Good luck!
    SB2

  7. #7
    piper is offline Registered User
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    Thank you SB2.....and thank you for your advise and response.:crib

    I agree, I need sleep and so does he. I saw Annerly offers a sleep clinic for 2400K. Has anyone tried it?

    Thanks for all your help.

  8. #8
    starbucks2 is offline Registered User
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    Haven't done the sleep school but did my antenatal classes and had home visits from the midwives from Annerley. Lovely ladies. Maybe give them a call and see what it involves.

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