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concerns about baby's development

  1. #1
    rs2000 is offline Registered User
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    concerns about baby's development

    I think the previous thread's topci was not much relevant so I am posting it again here.

    I am very stressed and worried about my daughter. can the moms here please assess her progress and let me know if this points to austism

    1. She did not talk much until 2. just around 10 words. Started to pick up around 2 years 3 months. Now she is 3 and speaks small sentences but would not answer if you ask her anything. Like she would say " I want to play " etc but if you ask her "what did you do in school, did you like it" she wont asnwer it, sometimes just repeats the words
    2. she started walking late. around 17 months. she is our only child
    3. does not play much with other kids. sometimes connects really well with few kids who are a bit older. is quite selective is playign with other kids and making friends
    4. even now she speaks sentences but then 20-30% of the words in there will be just babbling i.e. you wont get clear meaning of what she is saying
    5. likes to watch cartoons, reacts to us, reacts to things she likes, is not anti-social (but a little shy with stangers at the start)
    6. she started going to pre-school 2 months back and her teacher called me today and told that she does not resonse to the instruction much. she wants to do her own thing i.e. what she wants to do at that moment, not what the teacher is saying
    7. sometimes if she cant do what she is trying to do, she becomes a little cranky , would just leaves the blocks (in case she is trying to make something out of the blocks) or would cry or call us to help.
    8. while she is sitting on sofa, sometimes she keep banging her head on the sofa while sitting and watching TV
    being the onl child, yes we have spoilt her a bit and she gets what she wants at home. I am thinking may be its just that she does not have much company at home and thats why is she like that? or do u think its something more serious?

    please give your comments.

    i would also like to see a child psychologist to do some evaluation/assessment. Please refer me a good child psychologist you have tried. I am very stressed after hearing that from her teacher

    thanks a lot!

  2. #2
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    1.my son didn't talk much until he was 3. he now has an amazing vocabulary in english and is begining to master cantonese. my daughter on the other hand was speaking full sentences by 19 months. every child develops differently. if yours is speaking, that is a good sign. if she is not responding there could be a few reasons: (1) she's not interested in having a conversation, (2) she doesn't understand what you are asking, (3) there is a problem processing what you are saying to her.
    2. i teach playgroups and have experience of hundreds of babies. babies walk when they are ready. some walk when they are 10 months, some when they are 18 months. if your child is now walking, then you have nothing to worry about.
    3. she sounds naturally shy. every child is different. when she is in a playroom or at the playground, does she keep only to herself? does she seek out someone to play with? how much interaction does she normally get with other children? if she has only ever been kept at home, then she doesn't KNOW how to make friends. making friends is something you learn. does she have any regular playdates with other kids her age? does she only interact with adults?
    4. my son, 4.5 yrs, still babbles away to himself. however, for him, he's playing with the sounds, trying to make rhyming sounds etc.
    5. what's the problem? if she is interacting with you and others, that is a GOOD thing.
    6. she's 3 years old! not every 3 yr old is an automaton. many have minds of their own. it seems that your daughter has. what you need to know is this: is her behaviour disruptive to the class? or is the teacher just calling you to keep you aware of how your daughter is in class?
    7. sounds like a perfectly normal child. she's only 3.
    8. this i would be a little concerned about. repeatedly banging her head may cause damage...

    it is impossible for any of us, who have never met your daughter, to tell you what is normal and what is not. you really should make an appt with someone who can help you and your daughter and at least get you the answers you are looking for.

  3. #3
    louisouis is offline Registered User
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    Hi RS2000,

    Do you speak several languages at home? According to my pediatrician, he said that babies tend to get confused with the different languages spoken at home and thus talk later then kids from monolingual households. My son's language skills is slightly slower than kid's his age (according to the nurse) and the multiple languages and dialects that we speak at home might be confusing him, but I try not to worry now as I did not speak until I was 3 and my husband was also a late talker but look at us now, we are articulate and have no problem communicating.

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    rs2000 is offline Registered User
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    Hi carang,

    Your reply has been very helpful. Since you also run a playorup, your further input will be very very helpful for me.

    1. in terms of speech I personally am satisfied. She talks to me about cartoon, she talks to me about tom n jerry are doing etc etc. most of the time its about what she wants to do etc etc. I admit it still not as good as a above average 3 years old. But her teacher says that 3 years old kids speak phrases and respond to questions and she does not do it
    2. Yeah I also admit kids start walking at different ages so I am not too concerned about it.
    3. In the Play area, she generally follows other kids but does not interact with them much. If some other kids comes and interacts then she sometimes (not always) responds. A little background. we were in Tokyo till she was 14 months old. We did not have many friends there and most of the people we knew did not have kids so she spent time with me at home and we took her out to malls or places we visited but very little contact with other kids. After we moved here, we knew more people and some of them have kids however we dont meet them often . being the only chuild, we do give her what she wants. Here in TC, we know some people with kids but thet dont come home etc. Its only limited to play area or when we meet them outside.I do take her to play areas atleast 4 days a week. I observed that she does not interact with other kids and keep to herself mostly. Enjoying what she does. we are from India. I noticed that when she meets other kids (of our friends) she interacts more with them (most of them are from India too). Is it because she finds them to be more similar in terms of looks? we only speak to her in English and she also speaks english only. however we dont always speak english with each other (us as in the parents). she interact more with adults specially if they do what she likes to do. jump with her, play with her toys, etc. do you see any problems here , please suggest what we can do to change that
    4. she babbles with herself while playing too
    5. yeah I think its fine too
    6. here is what her teacher said today and also complaied about previously too. She does not do what she is instructed to do. if she is forced or asked again & again, she would start crying. I noticed one day that all kids in her class were in the line and making a circle. she just stood back looking at something else, completely ignoring what other are doing. Teacher says, she does not answer her. She does not do what the teacher says (not always but mostly). teacher says , she does not eat her snacks when asked to do so and also often spills water on her clothes whih the teacher then has to change. if somethign drops, she would ask the other kid or teacher to pick it up for her , if they dont, she does not like it and may sometimes cry. At home, i noticed that she does not listen to what I ask her to do. Seems to be a bit stubborn. would do what she likes to do. e.g. if I ask her to go to her room to pay with toys, she would ignore it and keep watching TV. if I ask her to sleep , she would not listen etc etc.
    A little background the school: she started going to Sun
    Island school in TC. her teacher is an indian and seems she has high expectations from kids. when we interviewed last year, my kid barely spoke 10 words and teacher said that 2 years old in her class speak small sentences.
    is it a problem with the teacher? she says other kids in class are much smarter. or may be her class is smarter actually?
    7. I also feel she does not concentrate much if she cant do what she is trying to do she would just get cranky and abandon the task.

    8. While watching TV on Sofa, she would bang her head for 10-20 mins. specially before going to sleep or after waking up. On internet I read that its one of the symptoms of Austism.

    She is a tall kid and looks 4-5 when compared to local kids here. I think this is a problem in Play area too. may be kids of her age are smaller and the one of her size are older and hence smarter so she does not go along too well.

    My nephew (7 years) came over to stay for a few days and she liked him a lot. played with him , interacted with him et etc. she sings peoms, understands & watches tom & jerry, pocoyo etc.

    I know Sun Island is not a great school and I am going to put her in some international school next year when our finances allow.

    WHAT ALARMEd me today is that her teacher called me and said the above things and said that if this continues, she might have to got special school. I was VERY hurt and almost felt numb to hear that. Its so mean of her to say something about my kid who I love the most in the world and till the school began, i always thought she is a little late learner but was perfectly normal. I was so tense after speaking to her teacher . my senses just stopped working for a while.

    or may be its just one of those local system school (though in english), where the teacher expects kids to be super smart? i dont know....................
    please let me know your thoughts on this !

    anybody has any child psychologist to recommend? who can do some assessment for my kid

    thanks a million

  5. #5
    marie313 is offline Registered User
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    i have taught 3 year olds for 8 years, and apart from the head banging, i dont think you have anything to worry about (although i remember reading about headbanging, i think it can have something to do with tiredness - try googling it).
    how long has your child been with the teacher? if she just started in september, then it is normal that she doesnt listen to her teacher, especially if she is spoiled at home. some children just take longer to adapt to new people.
    The teacher must be very inexperienced to make a big deal out of this, and i am SHOCKED that the teacher would suggest a special school, and if i ever said that to a parent i would probably get fired! As a teacher it is her job to observe your child, and then if concerned recommend that you get her assessed, but she has no right to come out and say that to you, and to compare her to the other children, at this age all children develop at different rates.
    However, you can try being more disciplined at home. Ensure that she looks at you when you speak to her, tidies up her own toys, eats by herself and obeys when you tell her to do something. She will soon learn what is expected of her (although may have a few tantrums!) and will start to do the same at school. When you ask her a question, try to make it more specific, eg not 'what did you do at school' but 'did you sing a song?' 'did you draw a picture?' 'who did you play with etc. Try increasing her concentration span by reading stories, threading beads etc, and make sure she completes the activity before going on to something else.
    i hope this helps!

  6. #6
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    There are a few things i would take issue with the way it has been handled. please keep in mind, i by no means mean any disrespect to you, your daughter or your family and your ways of bringing up your little girl. i have never met any of you and so can only offer a little, hopefully helpful, advice. it is yours to accept or disregard as you see fit.

    (1) it seems to me that your child is fairly strong-willed. this coupled with your admittance of giving in to whatever she wants will create problems at school, if not now, then in the future.

    you need to know that you are NOT helping your child by giving her everything she wants, whenever she demands it. that is NOT how the real world works and allowing her to behave as if the world revolves around her will most likely lead to serious problems in the future. other children will not want to play with a bossy girl who wants everything her way. she needs to learn how to share and how to compromise.

    it sounds to me like her behaviour in the classroom stems more from stubbornness than anything else. it draws attention to herself and that is what she so desperately craves. she seems to be after two things: attention & control.

    i think that the solution to some of this behaviour starts at home. if you don't already, have your little girl help you around the house. ask her to do simple things, "please bring mummy a tissue." "please put these books on the shelf." that type of thing. be careful how you phrase it. you do NOT want to offer her an alternative. "could you please put these books on the shelf?" leaves her room to refuse.

    you could also offer compromises. "would you like to wear the red dress or the green skirt?" that way, she has some control over her life and she is not using negative behaviour to control what's going on around her. you don't give her the choice of getting dressed or not, but rather what she is going to wear. that way, you both get what you want. you get a little girl who's dressed and she gets control over what she is wearing.

    her refusal to follow instructions given by the teacher could stem from both of these desires of hers: attention & control. by refusing to follow instructions, she gets the attention of the teacher. in this situation, i would think ignoring the behaviour (standing outside the circle watching) is more productive than forcing her to do what she is told.

    as for "not being as smart as the other kids".... how in the world can the teacher tell this if your little girl isn't talking to the teacher???

    albert einstein didn't talk until he was 4 (so i've heard) that doesn't make him stupid! (although i've heard it argued that he showed signs of autistic behaviour....)

    if you really want to talk to an educational psychologist, look up CALEB KNIGHT. he's very good at what he does but he's very expensive. he will be able to give you an idea of how your daughter is progressing and will either put your mind at ease or be able to offer suggestions if he does find a problem.

  7. #7
    rs2000 is offline Registered User
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    Thanks Marie!

    It was so encouraging to hear from you.
    I was first shocked aat first when she said that. I mean she had complained about this once before but this time she just just mentioned a "Special School" and there I was speechless, numb and shocked. Came back and cried for an hour or two. then logged in here to ask for opinions

    My kid started in Aug second week so I am not sure how familiar she is with the teacher. the teacher was off for 2 weeks in between. But generally at home too, my daughter is a bit stubborn, wont listen to me if I say something she does not like. However, if I ask her abotu TV, toys she like etc , she would def. respond to it

    btw anywhere I can get her assessed.

  8. #8
    marie313 is offline Registered User
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    to be honest, i dont think you need to get her assessed yet. give her another month or so to settle into class and try the things i mentioned and if that doesnt help, then look into assessment.

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