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Taking baby home and ditching Hubby

  1. #1
    NewMommie is offline Registered User
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    Taking baby home and ditching Hubby

    Any thoughts from anyone how long I should go home with our new baby after she is born and can travel? My husband doesn't have any paternity leave or much vacation, so I was thinking of staying back home with our new baby a few extra weeks (or even a month) after we do the trip home together to introduce her early next year.

    My husband seems to be freaking out about my plan. We are hiring a new DH so my reasons for staying home are not for the extra set of hands, but to be with my parents, siblings, cousins, friends, etc and let our new baby see all these wonderful people, as well.

    I wanted to get a second opinion because I can see both sides...I don't want to deprive my husband of our new bundle of joy just after she is born, but I also want our new baby to have ample time with all the people she won't often see back home. Another reason is that I will go back to work after 4months, and will then have a similar situation as my husband with limited vacation time, so I wanted to make the most of my maternity leave time by being with family and friends back home, instead of stuck at home for the last month(s) of my maternity leave with my DH while my husband works his long hours. (Am I being selfish here? I think this is best for our baby too so she can be around more family, even though it won't be her daddy.)

    Your honest advice is appreciated! If I'm thinking too much about myself and using the baby as an excuse I don't mind a kick in the butt to help me think straight! :)

  2. #2
    starbucks2 is offline Registered User
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    Hi

    I can understand what you are saying. Maybe a compromise of staying a few weeks longer than your husband instead of a month. I too can see both sides and it will be hard on your husband taking the new baby away but can see your point about using your maternity leave wisely. I was lucky the first time around as we both went home for 4 weeks when our son was 6 weeks old. I was ready to come home after that long and get settled back into a routine in HK. I also returned to work quickly after our baby was born - when he was 12 weeks.

    Good luck. It is not an easy one.

    SB2

  3. #3
    aussiegal is offline Registered User
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    Get your husband involved in all the night feeds and he'll soon be so tired he'll be happy to let you stay the extra month!

    Seriously though, the first few months the baby does so little. It sleeps and feeds. Though not ideal it's the best time to be apart. I have friends who did the same thing but it's not something I could have done to my husband when my children were only newborns.

    Have to say it's really nice to hear your husband doesn't want to be apart. I know some people who's husbands seem a bit nonplussed by their children. Very sad.

    Good luck in your decision.

  4. #4
    Monkey is offline Registered User
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    Hi,
    I am in a similar situation to you and will be travelling home with my hopefully 6 week old (if bub arrives on time) at Christmas. I will stay for 5weeks and my husband will return to HK after 2.5 weeks, also due to his limited leave. Like you spending as much time as possible with my family (particularly my sister who has also just had a baby) was important to me while I am on maternity leave, but I thought that 3 weeks was about the limit of time I could really ask my husband to be apart from the baby, particularly as they change so much so quickly. I think he will love being able to sleep properly the first week, but will be pretty keen for our return after that...(unless bub is a really bad sleeper in which case he may be just fine with two weeks away!).

  5. #5
    NewMommie is offline Registered User
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    Thanks for the comments - I actually didn't consider that with his long work hours, he might actually not mind TOO much if I'm away for a bit - especially if it's not a whole month. Since we won't travel with our new baby right away, I'll see how he feels after sleepless nights for a few weeks, then plan our trip home. ;) Will let you know how it goes!

  6. #6
    sherwes is offline Registered User
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    Hi, I have been through this. When my baby girl was 6 weeks old and my son was 20 months old we went on a family holiday to Australia. After my husband left I stayed on for two and a half weeks.

    The reasons I stayed on were primarily so that my older child could spend time with his grandparents and cousins who he really doesn't know well. It nearly killed my husband because he missed the children soooooo much.

    However, although he won't admit it, I think he missed our son a lot more than our daughter. The reason being that our son is at that fantastic age where he runs to the door every night when daddy gets home and is just so bubbly, affectionate and super, super cute (when he's not having tantrums!!).

    My husband definately did miss our daughter but his comments were more centred around how she was growing and whether she was feeding well etc rather than actively missing things that she did.

    Bottom line is that I would do the same thing again but only for the sake of my older child. If I were in your position I would possibly stay an extra week but that would be it.

    One thing I would really take into account if this is your first baby (I assume it is) is that when you and your husband become a "family" it is a really special time. When I had my first baby I didn't even want any visitors for the first few weeks because it just felt so precious and special to spend time with my husband and our baby. So, you might find that you actually don't want to leave your husband when the time comes!

    Goodluck with making your decision...

  7. #7
    xxJJxxx is offline Registered User
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    I am at the exact dilemna as you now NewMommie...I would love to have hubby by my side for the daily changes in my coming newborn yet i may have to trade off my health during the confinement period where my mum can't be around long enough to stay with me in Hk to take good care of me.. If i were to deliver in HK ultimately...And i would be all alone with baby at home to handle all the unforseen jugging tasks as a first time mum..

    This decision making is really nerve-wrecking.......

  8. #8
    carang's Avatar
    carang is offline Registered User
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    i, too, think that its REALLY important (not shouting, just emphasizing) that you and hubby learn to be a family with your first baby. it was my mother who initially pointed it out to me, when she was explaining why she wasn't going to come for the birth. she said, 'you guys have been a couple for so long, now you need to learn how to be a threesome and a family. you do not want me in the way while you are coming to terms with that.'

    it will be very hard on all of you if you let hubby go home for a long time by himself, especially in the early stages.

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