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But you just went ahead and did it???

  1. #17
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    You`re questioning this a lot more than you did before, right? Before you sounded pretty adament against having a second one, but now it sounds like you`re entertaining the thought more and more. If you had a hard pregnancy, the older you get, the worse it`s gonna get, so it might be wise to get it over with sooner rather than later. But you won`t want to have too much on your plate at that time.
    As you know, I only have one, born when I was 31(old in your books, thank you very much;). When he was a younger baby, I was so in awe or everything `baby` that I started to seriously think about having another sooner than later. Then he aged a few months, and I got busier and busier. He got busier and busier. I started sleeping more, but I`m still exhausted. Also, his personality came out more and more, and I fell more and more in love with this little thing. So now it`s at the point where I`m going to hold off for a while longer, I think. Because I`m still tired, and he`s just getting too cute. I don`t want him to share his parents with anyone just yet. I don`t want to pay attention to anyone else just yet. I want it to be all him. For now.
    Plus...man, I am tired.

  2. #18
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    carang is offline Registered User
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    you wanna wait until you're not tired anymore? LOL! that is NEVER going to happen!

  3. #19
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shenzhennifer View Post
    You`re questioning this a lot more than you did before, right? Before you sounded pretty adament against having a second one, but now it sounds like you`re entertaining the thought more and more. If you had a hard pregnancy, the older you get, the worse it`s gonna get, so it might be wise to get it over with sooner rather than later. But you won`t want to have too much on your plate at that time.
    As you know, I only have one, born when I was 31(old in your books, thank you very much;). When he was a younger baby, I was so in awe or everything `baby` that I started to seriously think about having another sooner than later. Then he aged a few months, and I got busier and busier. He got busier and busier. I started sleeping more, but I`m still exhausted. Also, his personality came out more and more, and I fell more and more in love with this little thing. So now it`s at the point where I`m going to hold off for a while longer, I think. Because I`m still tired, and he`s just getting too cute. I don`t want him to share his parents with anyone just yet. I don`t want to pay attention to anyone else just yet. I want it to be all him. For now.
    Plus...man, I am tired.
    He he he...well, I guess I've just "gone public" with my questioning recently but I've questioned this seriously for the past 6-8 months (basically since my son was over 1-year-old and I felt I was getting a better grip on sanity once again). I guess now that my son's second birthday is coming up that's the milestone that is prompting being being "out" about my inner thoughts. That must be it.

    Honestly, turning 30 freaks me out a bit--I'm sure it will eventually be fine. For sake of not further offending others on this site, I'll keep my personal opinion about older first-time motherhood to myself. But, yeah, having all the babies done and out of the way before 30 is just part of what I think is right for me--it's just one of those intuition/gut things that I'm fond of following. And always remember, 31 isn't old, if you're a tree )

    But, as you know me, whereas others might see questioning as a sign of doubt, I see it as a sign of progress. Those things we don't question are the things we're settled on but things that are up for questioning provide the possibility for change. I think you're right (with the words I just put in your mouth) and thanks for being a sounding board.

  4. #20
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shenzhennifer View Post
    When he was a younger baby, I was so in awe or everything `baby` that I started to seriously think about having another sooner than later. Then he aged a few months, and I got busier and busier. He got busier and busier. I started sleeping more, but I`m still exhausted. Also, his personality came out more and more, and I fell more and more in love with this little thing. So now it`s at the point where I`m going to hold off for a while longer, I think. Because I`m still tired, and he`s just getting too cute. I don`t want him to share his parents with anyone just yet. I don`t want to pay attention to anyone else just yet. I want it to be all him. For now.
    Plus...man, I am tired.
    I can totally identify with the tiredness, man. I feel like I definitely paid my dues in the first year of my son's life. As I was telling a friend today, without exaggeration, for the first six months I was that scary sort of tired--the type of tired psychologists write about when prisoners of war are subject to sleep deprivation torture--the type where you see and hear things that aren't there just because you are constantly in a state of exhaustion. So, it took another six months after that first six months just to get to the point where I even could think to myself, "Yeah, this kid is alright, I might like to keep him around a few more months" So, it seems like it was almost the opposite to your experience because my son was so active and so full-on from the very beginning and over time as he's developed and learned to entertain himself he's gotten more mellow and manageable. So, for the first year, I absolutely couldn't even think of any other babies--just surviving one was fully occupying my time. And I also can really relate to what you're saying about enjoying your child so much. It's not that I feel like my son would have to share us (well, I mean, he would but...) because I don't quite see him as the center that everything should revolve around (although, in reality, it ends up that he is that in our lives...) and a good chunk of the motivation to have another kid would be to benefit him anyway but...for me it's more like I feel content. I feel good having one child. As I said to a friend, "Maybe I should leave well enough alone."

  5. #21
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    Nashua852 is offline Registered User
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    As you know, this is exactly what we did, and a month after the birth of my daughter I have never doubted it one bit.

    Both hubby and I are relatively young to be having kids and number 1 was certainly a surprise. We dealt with the shock of not being financially ready for a child when he made his appearance. I mean, hubby was finishing his postgrad teaching qualification in the UK when he received the 'are you sitting down' phonecall from his fiance in Hong Kong a month after his 2 week holiday tells you a lot about how unprepared we were..but we dealt with it. Got jobs, got married, had our little boy and then when he was 12-13 months old decided to let fate take a hand in things and start well not actively trying..more like being 'lazy' =P and we were pregnant very soon after. Kids are 22 months apart and me answering the forum topic at 3am attests to that!

    Our reasoning/mindset?:
    - We both wanted more than one child and always have and decided in a nutshell that as far as the nappy stage goes, we're doing it once and getting it over and done with. We wanted the kids close together, toys, books and clothes last longer this way ;P and for more obvious reasons of having a playmate etc. My husband and his brother are three years apart. The gap between me and my 2 siblings are 7 years and 9 years respectively. This meant that we all had a lot of growing up to do before we spoke to each other as rational human beings (this is obviously PURELY from personal experience and not always the case) and I craved the closeness that siblings were meant to have as a child.

    - Financially speaking my mindset has always been 'give me a bill and I'll deal with it' as far as children go - as parents we will ALWAYS find a way. Everyone on this site worries about the future for their kids - I grew up in HK, I know firsthand how competitive education is, how being in such and such school means that associates even much later in life treat you with some measure of respect. I also know how this place attracts opportunity.

    As I said earlier, we weren't planning on having kids by any means when we had number one. I guess Im peaceful in the fact that both me and my husband are hardworking people - we'll be slogging our guts out for the next few years anyway - might as well chuck another kid to the mix. We have good people around us, great family, and lots of joy from our kids. They still manage to have more toys and clothes than they will ever need and as my son is a very happy, confident little man (when he's not trying to throw his bowl of cornflakes into the moses basket.) Personally, I've found plenty of inspiration - plenty of motivation - as worrisome as life gets I remind myself sometimes that its all bred from (as cheesy as this sounds) love. It's that same love that will see us through. This is the life we chose to have. That is all the control I need.

    I hated pregnancy the second time round. It was god awful - but you know what, just a month later and its already apparent that life moves on.

    I'm utterly exhausted.
    These days, the hours are speeding past, lived on in minutes (as far as the BFing goes). The pressure will pile up especially as our son starts kindie next year, but I know we'll make ends meet. I feel like our family is complete (minus future cat) and I feel very strongly that for us, the timing was right. I like knowing what cards I'm playing with, even though its hard and stressful at times dealing with it in one swell swoop suits me and my husband.

    You've got our support no matter what you decide. Your little boy is a star and possibly one of the most gentle toddlers I've ever met! Good luck, do what feels right - because ultimately those are the only decisions we can ever stand by. Good Luck.
    Proud Mama to Kian Danyaal 08.12.2007 & Adara Michelle 10.10.2009

  6. #22
    Suv
    Suv is offline Registered User
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    We always wanted to have 2 kids but it took 3 years of considerable efforts/ tears to conceive our first, so we were thrilled just to have one and there was no reason for us to believe that a second would be any easier, if at all. But we have and frankly, I don't feel ready- physically and mentally. I feel frustrated that next academic year I would have had the chance to go full time, but most likely with 2 kids under 2, I cannot. Also, I wish my body had the chance to recover a bit more than 9 months so that I could get back into some kind of shape after the second. Currently, I also have my MIL with me who wants to play with the baby at 4:15am The thought of handling her child like behaviour and 2 of my own, drives me nuts and scared at how exhausting it is going to be. Having said that I think things will be quite rough in the beginning but we will survive and it will be fun for the kids to grow up together and I would be free to pursue my career.

    My husband is the only child and so are a number of his friends. Yes, the sense of responsibility and taking care of each other does not come as naturally but I think its how the parents teach their kids to be. He needs to be reminded of things that to me are second nature but that is about it. At the end of the day, my husband is a good guy with excellent values. My sister and I have a 6 year gap. I was conceived very quickly but my parents who wanted to have a 2-3 year gap were unable to conceive for a long time, hence our 6 yr difference. Yes, we weren't that close to begin with- I was god to her and in return I bullied her because I was jealous that she was the baby of the house. But now, the age difference is non existent, she is one of my best friends and my baby sister whom I love taking care of.

    I would say if you feel your life is complete with one, thats good. You will be able to give the love, attention and values you want "in any case. Doubts would always be there one way or the other. Question whether to jump from the frying pan into the fire (if that analogy has any resonance) can only be decided by you. And unfortunately we cannot return any of these kids when we are feeling overwhelmed!!;) Good luck!"
    Last edited by rani; 11-03-2009 at 12:18 PM. Reason: member request

  7. #23
    Shenzhennifer is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by carang View Post
    you wanna wait until you're not tired anymore? LOL! that is NEVER going to happen!
    Maybe bc hubbie is now sick and so I have 2 babies to take care of already, hehe.
    Yawn...

  8. #24
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    You know, we could reply to this topic all day long, and it would just be OUR experiences. When it comes down to it, YOU'RE the only one who knows what is right for YOU. I know you and I know just how hard your pregnancy and first year were - I have to say, I've never seen it be as hard for anyone else. I know that now, you've got a wonderfully sweet 2 year old and things aren't as crazy any more. Probably part of why it's even a consideration now I guess ;)

    I'm completely 100% different to you. First bub was planned but took over 12 months to conceive. Always wanted more than one baby. My one baby was a very good baby (although lately she hasn't been sleeping so good and I'm more sleep deprived now than when she was a newborn!!). After she was born, we decided to just "not try to not conceive" since we wanted them close together and since it took so long the first time. We were ecstatic when we found out when we were expecting when she was only 9 months old, devastated when we lost the bub. I'd love for nothing more than to be pregnant again, hopefully it will be as easy as it was the 2nd time...

    So anyways, completely different to you - and I'm not trying to tell you what is best for you, because only you know that. Whatever happens though, I'm here for ya :)

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