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How did your husband change after you had your first baby?

  1. #9
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    What a great post idea, NewMommie! It's super interesting to hear about other womens' experience with this.

    It's also interesting for me to consider how my own husband has changed since our son was born. Actually, I don't think he has changed all that much--as far as his personality goes. But, it has been a real cool chance for me to see some good points of him shine. I am actually quite pleased with my husband as a father. From day one he has wholeheartedly thrown himself into caring for our son. I guess you could say he is madly in love with our son. The only thing that has been a bit "negative" is that he he tends to be a "helicopter parent" whereas I'm more laid back when it comes to parenting. He is always overly concerned (in my opinion) about my son being in "danger" or getting too dirty or too cold. But, this is also a cultural difference because my husband is a local Chinese guy who grew up here his entire life and I'm not Chinese and from the States.

    Anyway, seeing my husband with my son has really made me love my husband more and more. To me, a man who is wild about his own kid is a sexy guy. :0)

    As far as maturity goes--I think it can go either way. When you have a baby, there is a choice/opportunity laid before you (not just for dads but also for moms)--you can take up the responsibility and submit to it and go with it or you can pretend it's not there and try to deny it and run from it. I've seen guys do both. I've seen some disappear--stay at work too much, obsessed with their PSP or in other obvious and subtle ways try to pretend that the responsibility to be part of the child's life isn't their problem. Then I've seen guys who were practically the most hopelessly irresponsible people you could meet totally get their act together once they realize they have a little boy or girl depending on them.

  2. #10
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by yonge View Post
    To tell you the truth, I did feel very sorry for him that I didn't have the energy nor the inclination to leave the baby at home anymore. Poor guy, he just lost his "girlfriend" to "motherhood"!
    Very good phrase. Before children it seems to be a "honeymoon" period. That is one adjustment we had to make too--we had to put our baby on a schedule which meant that we couldn't go out to eat every night at 9 pm (which was our standard) or just trek anywhere, anytime at a moment's notice (like we liked to do). When we finally came to this realization, our lives mellowed out a lot but at the same time it created a lot more stability for us--not just as a family but as a couple. Call it boring, but it really had to be done. I found that my husband and I became a better team after my son was born. Personality-wise we were quite complementary from the beginning but we have vastly different interests. So, a son gave us a common "project"--caring for a baby was something that we had to do together in order to get through--especially the first year which tried us in ways I never thought possible.

  3. #11
    thanka2 is offline Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by starbucks2 View Post
    I found the whole birth experience very surreal and my baby needed to spend his first night in intensive care so he was whisked away from me so quickly (and my husband went with him initially)...So in some ways the experience was more real for my husband than for me.

    We also found that we argued a lot more than usual - about routines for the new bub - controlled crying and the like. The downside of a hands on Dad!!
    SB2
    I think this brings out a good point of what type of birth and labor experience you have. My husband did a lot from day one because I had some bad health problems because of the birth. It's also his nature to be a helper-type--he enjoys doing--helping people out. Also, I had some really severe post-partum depression for at least 3-4 months. So, my husband, with the help of his parents, often became the full-time parent. I would say that it took much longer for me to strongly bond with my son than it took for my husband. And I was even breastfeeding. Breastfeeding in itself is not always the ticket to a strong bonding experience between mother and child, actually.

    As far as fighting goes--we fight much less now, after my son was born. My son required (and requires) so much time and energy that we don't really have time to squabble like we used to--we'd rather just solve stuff quickly. It also helped that we were really in agreement about parenting styles overall and discipline. The only big difference is that my husband is a bit as my mom would say "OCD" when it comes to certain things and insists on doing things like bundling my son up like a blizzard is going on as soon as it gets a bit cooler in temperature. But, we actually don't fight about that stuff. Somehow, having a baby brought chaos to our house in a way but at the same time brought some more tranquility to our relationship.

  4. #12
    starbucks2 is offline Registered User
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    The arguing definitely reduced but initially we did have different views on controlled crying (although fundementally we agreed that we did not want to be getting up to the baby 15 times in the night to rock him to sleep!). It was a matter of compromising to a position where we were both happy. My husband has flexible working hours so is home a lot which is great for co-parenting. Not the same situation where the Mum is stay at home and primarily in charge 5 days a week.

    I think it is great for Dads to have input into routines and discipline. Definitely a change for the better in this day and age.

    SB2

  5. #13
    mcdill is offline Registered User
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    I think he now has a greater appreciation of his MIL, as she was the only one to offer up physical assistance, even though she has to fly 9 hours to be with us.

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