Home remodeling... yes or no?
- 01-28-2010, 03:05 PM #9
- 01-28-2010, 03:28 PM #10
personally, i think it's a load of rubbish and old superstition. i don't hold with such beliefs and luckily my husband was able to explain to my in-laws that i'm not chinese and therefore i don't follow such beliefs. it alleviated some of the "concern" but not all of it and i still had to put up with some (to me) strange suggestions and questions from them.
what you are experiencing is called the "nesting" instinct. and it's just that... an INSTINCT. some women have it show up as an urge to clean the cupboard under the sink, some want to re-arrange furniture, some want to renovate their home. every woman experiences it differently, but i would hazzard a guess that most, if not all, women experience it to some degree.
practically speaking, doing it now is MUCH easier! once the baby arrives, there is NOTHING more inconvenient than home renovations.
as for the parents & in-laws, i would simply say, 'thank you for your opinion and your advice. however, my husband and i are now the parents and we will do what we think is needed and necessary for our family.'
i hope i haven't offended anyone with my belief, but truly... this is YOUR family now. YOU are the parents. your parents' job is done.... they are now supposed sit back and enjoy being GRANDPARENTS. if they didn't want that kind of thing around when you were a baby, fine... but you are an adult who can make your own RATIONAL decisions. (a VERY western outlook, i know.)
- 01-28-2010, 03:56 PM #11
Thanks a lot, Carang. I do agreed with you, but those superstition things are really hard to deal with.... If something bad happens, then you will be blamed for the rest of your life... This is really driving me crazy
- 01-28-2010, 04:23 PM #12
but you could just as easily blame it on that orange you ate... or the cat that you looked at or the crack in the pavement you stepped on or the shampoo that you used.... the list goes on and on.
like i said, I think it is total and utter rubbish. for ME there would be NO lingering doubt. I would not look to blame my child's character on the fact that i moved the sofa when i was pregnant. i believe that a child's character is a mixure of nature AND nurture and that the two work together to form the whole child.
children with a tough time in-utero or during birth CAN thrive just as much as those that are carried to full-term without problem.
my two pregnancies were hell, to say the least. hospitalised 13 times for a total period of over 3 months. both kids born early, my daughter technically pre-mature. BOTH of my kids are now happy & healthy. my daughter is a robust girl with lots of energy (even though i was wheelchair bound for 1/2 of my 8 month pregnancy). she walked early, and was speaking full sentences well before 2 years of age.
all of that has NOTHING to do with what i did or did not do/eat/look at/smile at/think about when i was pregnant.
the question is not should you remodel your house or not....the questions REALLY are:
do i have the guts/courage/belief enough to stand up to my parents & in-laws and do what I want to do?
if i give into this, will they then try to force their beliefs on me again in the future raising of my child?
i KNOW that what i'm saying is VERY western and NOT the chinese way of going about things AT ALL. so, again, sorry if i've offended anyone... no offence was intended.
i can TOTALLY sympathise with you... i just wouldn't have the patience to put up with it... i'd laugh it off and probably say, "aiya! chee-seen!"
- 01-28-2010, 04:27 PM #13Registered User
- Join Date
- Jul 2007
- Ap Lei Chau
I join Carang on the western outlook... even tough I don't know much about Chinese superstitions etc, that I respect, but would never follow.
I have never moved and renovated as much as when I was pregnant, but just avoiding caring heavy stuff and having enough rest to save my back.
Apart from that, it depends what you think is the most annoying, living in your house and deal with the stuff, have your parents in law camping in your living room and have no time to do anything else for a few months, or renovate now as you want to (it's YOUR house) and listen to them blaming you for whaterer will happen to your baby (even falling from the slide will probably be because of your renovations anyway !!)...
My mum has asked me if I needed her to come to help me with the arrival of my second baby (at least she asked!), I just said No, thanks. No excuse... so you don't leave the door opened to any other proposition.
Good luck !!
- 01-28-2010, 05:19 PM #14
LOL! Thanks ladies. I'll really take your comments into consideration. Let's see what my hubby think about this also (by the way, he doesn't like my parents, although it seems that my parents don't know that). We will probably have to wait till the Chinese New Year festival finishes before we can do anything anyway.
- 01-28-2010, 05:20 PM #15Registered User
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Tsuen Wan
Another western voice here...
Do what you want. I`m not sure how pregnant you are, but I would definitely want to have my home all sorted out by the time the baby comes. You will NOT want to deal with all the details, disruption, noise, etc after the baby comes as you will be too busy feeding, burping, changing, sleeping, eating. At the same time, I would do it asap so it could be over by the time you are REALLY pregnant. That might be uncomfortable for you, and annoying.
Not sure if it would apply or not...but when I was pregnant the apartment upstairs was remodelling BIG TIME. It was pretty much the entire time I was pregnant and it sounded like there was a jackhammer going on all day every day, I kid you not. I thought I would go crazy. Anyway, my baby was fine, more than perfect. You can tell your folks that.
And about them coming to visit you after you have a baby... well, that`s also up to you, but I now wish I had the courage to tell my mother in law that it would have been better for her to wait a while before coming to `help` with our new baby. And she HAD a room to sleep in.
Tell your parents your doctor recommended that you do all your renovating before the baby comes:)
- 01-28-2010, 05:29 PM #16
i will ALWAYS be grateful to my mother for saying, "i'm not coming to visit after the baby is born. the LAST thing you need is me standing over your shoulder telling you... that's not how i would have done it. besides, you have been a couple for the past 7 years, now you need to learn how to be a family. you do NOT need me there for that!"
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