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Elizabeth Pantley or Ferber method?

  1. #9
    Sheilamay is offline Registered User
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    Hiya
    I would go for Elizabeth Pantley too.
    I could not let my baby cry. I wouldn't let my husband, or friend, or older children cry - so how could I let my baby cry?It goes against our instincts -and our instincts are there for a reason.
    There is also research which shows that when a baby is left to cry, there are physiological changes in the baby - an increase in the stress hormone cortisol for example. The Australian Infant Mental Health Association was so concerned about the practice of controlled crying that it issue a paper on the subject see :http://www.aaimhi.org/documents/posi...led_crying.pdf

    However, the issue is how to deal with the fatigue of having a waking baby/child. I think Elizabeth Pantley's method does work. Some mothers I know did the whole programme. Others have done just a few steps and got far enough to just feel better. Otherwise, getting some sleep during the day is very important. And you could try co-sleeping, if you are comfortable with that. Tips for safe co-sleeping at Dr James McKenna's website: Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory

    best wishes
    Maggie

  2. #10
    Lisainhk is offline Registered User
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    One thing I don't understand about Controlled Crying is if babies are so traumatized by it, how come they grow up fine? My mum used this process with all 5 of her kids and we love her and know she loves us. We weren't horribly abused because she let us cry in our beds for a little while. I'm in the process of controlled crying now with my 6 month old because he was waking 5 or 6 times a night and needing me to bf him back to sleep. It became a habit. He was always tired during the day and would sleep a maximum of 45 mins at a time during the day. I'm on day 5 of this sleep program and he had 2 x 2.5 hour naps yesterday with relatively no crying beforehand whereas before he would scream if I put him in his bed awake. He is also only waking once at night and I don't leave him to cry, I go to him. He isn't learning that I don't love him or that I won't respond to his needs, he's learning that sleep is good and he can get to sleep himself without anyone helping him. I see that as a positive. Skills for life. If a child wants something that is not good for them and you take it away from them, they will cry as if the world is ending. Does that mean we must give them everything they want even if it is not good for them? That's the way I see this controlled crying. It is good for him. I would have continued on for years waking frequently with him and feeding him/comforting him back to sleep at the expense of my own sanity but my husband wanted his wife back and not a zombie. Although the sound of him crying is HORRIBLE for me and I stand at his door peeking at him the entire time to make sure he isn't hurting himself. I think it's not fair to say that one way is better than the other, or that one way works and one way doesn't because all babies and parents are different. What works for one baby, may not work for another. Both Pantley and Ferber work. You just have to find what works for you.

  3. #11
    zac08 is offline Registered User
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    Lisainhk - could not have said it better myself :-)

  4. #12
    crystal88 is offline Registered User
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    Hi Lisa,
    Well said!!! we moms won't ever ever allow our kids to cry but if it's not helping him to sleep thru the night, it's not healthy for him too. This is my last resort, i did try other method but nothing works for my 11 months old. I'm reading Ferber now and might be ready to start tomorrow night. Our situation are similar, my son wakes up 5-7 times a night just to bF, it's a habit already. Can i please ask you if you first eliminate the night feeding method before doing the progressive "cry it out"? Thanks.

  5. #13
    Lisainhk is offline Registered User
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    Well I started during the day for the 1st nap so that he would be a little bit used to it by night. I set up his naptime routine a few days earlier so he would know when naptime was so I wasn't just putting him in his bed and walking away. At night I do his bedtime routine. I haven't eliminated the wake up feed yet because he has reflux (getting better) so I feel he still needs that feed. Plus he has only just started solids. I think he will stop waking by himself for that feed.
    Good luck! I'll be honest the first few days are tough! it really does tug on your heart strings!
    And I made sure I was home for his naps so that he would not be overtired.

  6. #14
    Lisainhk is offline Registered User
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    Oh and I meant to say that instead of BF to sleep I include bf in the bedtime routine so that he is relaxed before putting him in bed awake :)

  7. #15
    crystal88 is offline Registered User
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    Hi ladies,

    Just want to update that i am now sleeping 8 hours straight - after 11 months of waking up every 2-3 hours to BF.

    What did i do? FERBERized! it is simply unbelievable, as i've said earlier, my baby wakes up 2-3 hours to bf, i tried other approach as i don't want my baby to "cry it out" but it was the last resort for me. The good thing is - i was able to eliminate the night feeding WITHOUT crying as suggested by Ferber. So his approach is not just crying it out, we gradually extend the feeding time half hour every night and it works til he was able to removed it.

    Then i did the progressive crying approach so he learns how to fall asleep on his own if he wakes up. He initially cried 25 mins total on the first night, second night 10 mins and tonight, no more crying at all. He sleeps from 7pm-630am now.

    For those who are in the same situation as mine, read the ferber book, it works!

  8. #16
    Lisainhk is offline Registered User
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    Yay!!! I am very happy for you!!!! You must be very relieved. Good job mum :)

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